Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:18:33 has no clue how "pig-headed" some people can be. None whatsoever.

Oh, I do. I just know how to deal with it successfully.

Unlike you.

NP here. You are ridiculing others for not doing things the way you see fit, though you yourself didn't do it that way right off the bat. And you don't know what others are trying with their own families. Great that your talk went so smoothly, but it is not always that simple.

Anonymous wrote:I called my father's doctor and explained the situation. He gave my dad a referral for a driver's exam. I told my dad that if he wanted to continue driving, he had to pass the test per doctor's orders. This took the pressure off me.
Good luck.

+1
I would second this advice. My mother has dementia. She is very active, loves to drive around town. She also lives alone in another state. Having the car talk with her is pretty much the 2nd worst thing ever (I am anticipating the home health aid/ALF discussion will be worse). Of course the talk did not go well as she still has the ability to drive, but just feels "a little anxious" behind the wheel. We requested that her neurologist, who she appears to trust independently of us, advise her to get a driving assessment. This way she can see for herself that she could be a danger for others, and she can make the decision on her own. This actually worked (to an extent. She does have dementia after all), but it was great advise someone gave us b/c we could always reference back to the assessment. We used AAA senior services. Only a few hundred dollars.

We asked my dad to stop driving, but he really didn't want to. Later, I asked him how he would feel if he caused an injury or death to another due to his driving, and he couldn't accept that could possibly happen.

But I think he'd been thinking about those conversations when I had one more with him. It was short and calm. I explained to him that he could lose the house if he caused an accident, someone was injured or killed, and he was sued. Thankfully, it worked. He planned on living in his home until his final day, so that scenario was one he could understand. Luckily, he didn't know the law prevented his homestead from being taken.

Just for perspective, a doctor once told me it was easier to tell a patient he or she had a fatal disease than to tell a patient he or she couldn't drive any longer. The feelings of loss of control and freedom are devastating for many people. That said, this particular doctor ended up talking to many patients about driving because their family members could not do it effectively.

Faxed my mothers doctor on my "attorney at law" letterhead.
He did some testing and HE told her not to drive, effective immediately. It worked.