You sound like a horrible person OP. WTF is relevant about her brothers being a different ethnicity?

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

Refer to them as brothers. Tell her that her brothers have the same dad and "Jane" is their mommy. She has the same dad as them and you as a mommy.

She won't think a thing about it.

The fact that you've never told her they are her brothers is really weird. Dont they call your husband dad? Don't pass your issues to you daughter, and don't assume she's not smart enough to understand.


Yeah, what the hell? I have a half sister and we were raised to call each other sisters and brothers. Reserving the term "brother" for "real" brothers is ridiculous. Way to screw up your kids's relationship, Mom.

Same here! I've got an older half sister. I always knew she had a different mother with whom she mostly lived but she was still my sister! Why would you not make this clear in the beginning?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one benefit of clarifying "half" is when children have different rules. My stepkids are allowed to watch tv all day, don't need to eat veggies, etc and can do other things my DS isn't allowed to do. And the reason is because they have a different mother, live in a different house, and have different rules. (Though we try as hard as we can to enforce our house rules but are only mildly successful - can't cram fruits and veggies down a teenager's throat.)

It sounds like the reason why your the older kids have different rules at your house is because they are teenagers.

not just that but different ethnicity, religion and expectations academically among other things.

Who cares ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:one benefit of clarifying "half" is when children have different rules. My stepkids are allowed to watch tv all day, don't need to eat veggies, etc and can do other things my DS isn't allowed to do. And the reason is because they have a different mother, live in a different house, and have different rules. (Though we try as hard as we can to enforce our house rules but are only mildly successful - can't cram fruits and veggies down a teenager's throat.)

Step kids aren't the same as "half" b/c they don't share a blood relative. In your case there isn't a reason to emphasize the difference in "step" just in house rules.

However, the OP's kid is 2 going on 3. Her siblings are 10 years older. There is no reason not to refer to them as siblings.

my stepkids are my child's half siblings.

Wow -- how ignorant.

Signed,

A stepmom

This is the weirdest s** I have ever heard. They are her siblings, her brothers, WTH have you not just said that?

Anonymous wrote:One of my fondest childhood memories was my little brother (half), who is nine years younger than me, greeting me at the door of my dads house with his new-found knowledge of our relationship. "Did you know that dad used to be married to your mother and they had you and then they didn't love each other anymore, got divorced and dad met mom and married her and had me."

My dad realized that he needed to have the conversation when my brother referred to me as "you know, that girl who comes over here every Sunday "

Have the conversation.

I'm divorced and remarried and that's basically exactly how DD's dad and I have explained her family to her. "Daddy/Mommy and I used to be married to each other, when you were a baby, but we got divorced when you were 2. We still care about each other, but not in a married way. Stepdad/Stepmom and I met each other later and fell in love and got married, and now you have 4 parents." None of us have additional children yet. DD is looking forward to it, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my fondest childhood memories was my little brother (half), who is nine years younger than me, greeting me at the door of my dads house with his new-found knowledge of our relationship. "Did you know that dad used to be married to your mother and they had you and then they didn't love each other anymore, got divorced and dad met mom and married her and had me."

My dad realized that he needed to have the conversation when my brother referred to me as "you know, that girl who comes over here every Sunday "

Have the conversation.

LOL, that's cute OP.

Oooops! Sorry, should be PP. There's notihing cute about OP's behavior---not that she's come back at all...

Anonymous wrote:One of my fondest childhood memories was my little brother (half), who is nine years younger than me, greeting me at the door of my dads house with his new-found knowledge of our relationship. "Did you know that dad used to be married to your mother and they had you and then they didn't love each other anymore, got divorced and dad met mom and married her and had me."

My dad realized that he needed to have the conversation when my brother referred to me as "you know, that girl who comes over here every Sunday "

Have the conversation.

LOL, that's cute OP.

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

What is wrong with you? They are her brothers and if you have even a pea size brain, you will accept them as members of your family. Remember "the only 'steps' are the ones leading to the house." are you really this shallow and stupid?

Anonymous wrote:Why create this division, OP? What could possibly be gained from it?

My stepdaughter is almost 16 years older than my 7-year old son. We have always referred to her as his sister. He has met her mom, so he is aware that she has a different mom than he does. We have always just been matter-of-fact about it, so he just accepted it without confusion or drama.

+1.
Encourage a strong relationship. They are brothers and sister, they share a parent, grandparents and half of the same genetic material from that parent. My DD understands that her big brother has a different mom, and has since she was a toddler. She's 6 and is now really getting into understanding all the relationships among all sorts of people. E.g. "Grandma is your mommy. What is Grandma to Daddy? How is my uncle related to my grandpa?" and one of the questions is what is my relationship to her brother. She places no more meaning on the term stepmother than she does on the term sister-in-law or cousin. It's simply part of our family dynamic. She has met her brother's mother on one occasion and calls her Ms. Larla.

There is a large age difference between them, but they are very sweet with each other. She adores him, and he is fully accepting of and loving towards this little person who was quite an unexpected addition to his family. Don't make it complicated, for the sake of all of you.

Why create this division, OP? What could possibly be gained from it?

My stepdaughter is almost 16 years older than my 7-year old son. We have always referred to her as his sister. He has met her mom, so he is aware that she has a different mom than he does. We have always just been matter-of-fact about it, so he just accepted it without confusion or drama.

One of my fondest childhood memories was my little brother (half), who is nine years younger than me, greeting me at the door of my dads house with his new-found knowledge of our relationship. "Did you know that dad used to be married to your mother and they had you and then they didn't love each other anymore, got divorced and dad met mom and married her and had me."

My dad realized that he needed to have the conversation when my brother referred to me as "you know, that girl who comes over here every Sunday "

Have the conversation.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you should just refer to them as her brothers. They ARE her brothers, and at this point, you are just confusing her. Kids that age (and older) are pretty pedantic about relationships, but they learn to be judgmental if you are. My recommendation would be to answer her questions factually: Jack and Jim are your brothers, you have the same dad but different moms, when they're not here, they are with their mom. The way you're dealing with it, while it seems organic to you, is actually creating more questions than it answers and definitely shows your insecurity.

Agree completely.

You are just creating distance between your daughter and her siblings. Remember that at some point you will be gone and it will be great if your daughter thinks of her brothers as her brothers. The kids don't care who slept with whom way back in (for them) the ancient past. I've gotten some good advice from my (half) brothers who are 10 and 6 years older than I am over the years. Both my parents are gone; I'm glad I have more family.

I agree that you should just refer to them as her brothers. They ARE her brothers, and at this point, you are just confusing her. Kids that age (and older) are pretty pedantic about relationships, but they learn to be judgmental if you are. My recommendation would be to answer her questions factually: Jack and Jim are your brothers, you have the same dad but different moms, when they're not here, they are with their mom. The way you're dealing with it, while it seems organic to you, is actually creating more questions than it answers and definitely shows your insecurity.