Nothing about this is selfish. What is it that you think she should be doing for everyone that makes her selfish? I think it's selfish if others to think she needs to follow rules in grieving or that the grieving of others is more important than her choices in her life's

Whoever is calling her selfish needs to be more self sufficient, resilient and not so needy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

unreasonable to expect her ..?

You aren't the boss of her

You can be annoyed. But your annoyance is unimportant

Nana Nana Boo Boo. Do you realize how immature you sound?

Not pp, but it seems like the immature one is the sibling who's throwing a fit that they can't control others in a time of grief.

Anonymous wrote:

unreasonable to expect her ..?

You aren't the boss of her

You can be annoyed. But your annoyance is unimportant

Nana Nana Boo Boo. Do you realize how immature you sound?

unreasonable to expect her ..?

You aren't the boss of her

You can be annoyed. But your annoyance is unimportant

Anonymous wrote:It is bad form though. It's a cousin we were both really close to.

So then let her choose how she decides to mourn and remember the cousin. It isn't your place to determine it for her.

People grieve and deal with death differently. Clearly yours is to get preachy, controlling, and you grieve by telling others what to do. "Form" is ridiculously stupid.

It is bad form though. It's a cousin we were both really close to.

Maybe she can't afford it and doesn't want to tell you.

Anonymous wrote:OP, these things have a way of being their own punishment. I didn't go to a funeral for a young (30yo) cousin about 11 years ago. I had the excuse of being pregnant with my first child, but I was only 6 months along and the flight was only an hour. I should have been there. I have always always felt horrible about that decision.

Why? It's just a funeral -- it's not like your cousin was taking roll.

OP, these things have a way of being their own punishment. I didn't go to a funeral for a young (30yo) cousin about 11 years ago. I had the excuse of being pregnant with my first child, but I was only 6 months along and the flight was only an hour. I should have been there. I have always always felt horrible about that decision.

How about you tend to your own life and let her manage hers?

A cousin isn 't a funeral I would normally attend unless it was local.
I don't see the selfishness here.
My Dad threatened to move during the Nixon and then Reagan administrations, but never did. However. i think your sister is probably on the other side of the political debate from us and if so, she won't be happy for the foreseeable future.

How many of you would travel out of the country to go to a funeral of anyone other than a parent?

I can't believe you think this woman is selfish -- she's just prudent.

I live 3000 miles away from my family. When my aunt died I wasn't able to stop my life and fly myself and kids across the country to attend, even though I wanted to badly. I hope no one was judging me and posting on a message board about how selfish I was.

I wouldn't even consider traveling so far for a cousin's funeral. I'm not that close to them.

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

She certainly seems terribly selfish. Clearly she has issues of her own. One is tempted to believe the worst because she hasn't really explained her decision in light of her social obligations.

Does she have a history of putting herself first? In that case, let it go. If this is a new thing, you might want to ask for details and explain how much pain she is causing the family. My guess is that she has uncontrollable anxiety - people can't help having antisocial tendencies when dealing with that.

She's not required to explain her decision any more than she already has.

OP,

She certainly seems terribly selfish. Clearly she has issues of her own. One is tempted to believe the worst because she hasn't really explained her decision in light of her social obligations.

Does she have a history of putting herself first? In that case, let it go. If this is a new thing, you might want to ask for details and explain how much pain she is causing the family. My guess is that she has uncontrollable anxiety - people can't help having antisocial tendencies when dealing with that.