Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 21:37     Subject: Re:Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
Anonymous wrote:While I understand why some people have visceral reactions to cheating, most marriages involve infidelity. Many people who have been cheated on have no idea their spouses cheated, and their marriages persist in blissful ignorance.

I would be far more pissed with my DW if she gambled away the kids 529 plan than if she had sex with some guy. And while I understand that folks feel differently, I can't imagine that children prefer to live in divorced homes over intact families that have worked to overcome infidelity.


You raise a valid point, in that there are actions that damage the household ($$$, standing in community, etc.) and actions that damage the relationship (cheating being one of the foremost, but general nagging/bossiness or taking for granted over years can be just as bad).

Gambling away the 529 is probably a worse offense on the household damage scale than a random one-night on a business trip is on the relationship damage scale. Now continual public cheating ... that's pretty damaging on both scales.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 18:09     Subject: Re:Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
While I understand why some people have visceral reactions to cheating, most marriages involve infidelity. Many people who have been cheated on have no idea their spouses cheated, and their marriages persist in blissful ignorance.

I would be far more pissed with my DW if she gambled away the kids 529 plan than if she had sex with some guy. And while I understand that folks feel differently, I can't imagine that children prefer to live in divorced homes over intact families that have worked to overcome infidelity.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 16:48     Subject: Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
Anonymous wrote:After 15 years together my husband has an option to have sex with other women once in a while


This will end well .
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 16:15     Subject: Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.


Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.


I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.


+1. I'm a single mother myself, but I can totally see the logic in going this route instead. Treat others how you would expect to be treated is pretty universal. If the priority is about keeping an intact family, it makes sense.


I don't know, maybe you're right. I just wonder if someone who's capable of living like this is really all that different from the person who cheated in the first place. Seems like it might be two people who both have pretty dark places inside.


Ding ding ding!
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 16:08     Subject: Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.


Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.


I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.


+1. I'm a single mother myself, but I can totally see the logic in going this route instead. Treat others how you would expect to be treated is pretty universal. If the priority is about keeping an intact family, it makes sense.


I don't know, maybe you're right. I just wonder if someone who's capable of living like this is really all that different from the person who cheated in the first place. Seems like it might be two people who both have pretty dark places inside.
Anonymous
Post 07/12/2015 15:57     Subject: Have you ever taken back a cheating spouse or SO? How'd it turn out?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Personally, I would never forgive DH if he cheated. I wouldn't dump him, however, because we have a small child and I am not struggling by myself as a single mother. I would keep him right here as our son's hands-on, live-in father until my son was in his teens. I would be cheating too though.


Okay, you're really immature. Either work through it with your spouse (assuming he wants to) or leave. Don't make a mockery of your marriage for years on end. Your kid deserves better.


I am quite sure that my child would not care a bit about infidelity he is not aware of going on while he is being raised in a calm, two-parent home. On the other hand, he would care very much about being shuttled back and forth between acrimoniously divorced parents. Make your moral judgments without hiding behind a boy you don't even know.


+1. I'm a single mother myself, but I can totally see the logic in going this route instead. Treat others how you would expect to be treated is pretty universal. If the priority is about keeping an intact family, it makes sense.