Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 19:30     Subject: Re:How to have energy after work?
One thing I've learned since becoming a parent is that one cannot do everything that they want all the time. You are doing too much and not getting enough sleep. I'll just speak to dinner. Can't your H start making dinner before you get home? My H is an excellent cook and enjoys it. My cooking skills are limited and I do not enjoy cooking at all. However, I'm the one at home so I start dinner during his commute home. Yes, it means a lot of pasta, grilled cheese, or eggs. But it's how it is for now. When my H gets home, we eat together and he has some time with our son before bedtime. Maybe try something similar?
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 17:59     Subject: How to have energy after work?
OP, everyone here is saying that something in your evening routine has to give - you just have too much. And you don't want to give up any one part - healthy homemade dinners, the walk, reading. I get it. That's all awesome stuff and I wouldn't want to give any of it up either.

But does everything need to be every night? Make extra Mac n cheese one night. The next night, pop leftovers in the oven while you go for a walk. Or reheat leftovers in the microwave to make time for reading after dinner. Takeout once a week is fine, especially if the tradeoff is a walk outside or quality reading time.

Think of a weekly routine, instead of a daily one. Decide ahead of time which nights you will make dinner from scratch, take your walk, do the workbooks, study, etc.

And in the meantime, keep looking for a job with a shorter commute! I'm in the same boat.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 17:12     Subject: How to have energy after work?
It's not you, OP. It's not. Just forget about the energy part. Either you are built to live on 6.5 hours of sleep or you're not, and scientists tell us that pretty much no one is.

So you're exhausted.

Can you do your job part time instead of full time? Or can your husband be the FT parent and basically do *everything* that's not giving you time with the kids, including cook dinner and wash the kiddies' privates?

The American I would like to live in and have you live in is one where you don't have to burn the candle at both ends like that. How long are you going to be doing this--that is, how long until the degree's finished?
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 17:10     Subject: Re:How to have energy after work?
OP, I say this with all kindness, but something has to give. You don't want to give up cooking meals, taking walks, reading before bedtime. grad school, or working on your hisband's business, but there simply isn't enough hours in the evening for you to do all of that and get enough sleep each night. Something needs to be cut/cut back, or you need to accept that you're choosing to be this tired.

If your husband could take over making dinner so that it's ready when you walk in the door, you could be done with dinner by 7:00, take a 15 minute walk, and then have 45 minutes for baths, cleaning the kitchen, reading and bedtime, which is plenty of time if you're not reading each child seven books and giving lengthy baths. Then your kids are in bed by 8:00, and you have more time for the other things you need to do before bed.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 17:02     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Can your husband feed them before you get home? Then you get home, eat something quickly and go for the walk etc. I think something's going to have to give.


OP. Dinner is quality family time. I make (sort of) quick and healthy things and try to do different meals every night: cheesy eggs with broccoli (15 min), baked salmon & broccoli (30 min), Mac & cheese from scratch with veggies (15 min), soup made the night before, baked chicken breasts with veggies (20 min), rice and shrimp (20 min). I like to feed them (kids and DH) healthy meals with fresh veggies and I have never learned how to cook on weekends to have leftovers..


Again, you ignored the actual bolded advice. You clearly just wanted to vent under the guise of asking for suggestions. Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 17:01     Subject: Re:How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:I never understand these posts. OP, you came on and told us you feel exhausted and your schedule and the various components of your life. When people make observations and suggestions, you respond that you can't change anything about your life. So then why are you posting? Sincerely.

You are exhausted because you don't sleep enough. You don't have enough time at night to do what you need to do because your kids go to bed too late. Your kids very likely aren't getting enough sleep either, which isn't good for them either. Your commute is very long and this is probably the root cause of some of these issues.

If you won't change anything, then you're going to feel tired for years. Drink lots of coffee.


OP. Thank you, I finally understand what the problem is (or rather, problems are). I and the kids (and DH too, but he has the luxury of being able to take naps) need more sleep. I need a new job that is closer to home and earlier bedtime.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:57     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your kind responses!

If I put them to bed earlier, it means we have to skip the walk. I love walking with them, carrying the baby in the baby carrier and holding the big one, talking to my husband, looking at the trees and flowers outside. It means I will see light and summer only on weekends because I am stuck in the office all day.

Reading is hard to skip either. The big one is used to it, and cries if we even entertain that idea.

The baby won't even consider going to bed before 9.

If I come home at 6:30, how can they be in bed by 7:30-8?


Can you switch the walk to the morning?

Can you work from home 1-2 days per week?


I am non-exempt, so I can work from home under very rare circumstances. I've been thinking about it, and I do feel better when I occasionally work from home (once a month or so). Morning walk would be tough as I have to leave for work early (7:30).
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:55     Subject: How to have energy after work?
I agree with all the PPs have pointed out. I thought this would be about coming home after work too tired to do anything. instead, after an hour commute, you walk AND study AND work for husband's biz AND put 2 kids through a nighttime routine? you have misdiagnosed the problem.

as for the toddler going to bed at 9, tis the season. My toddler is in the same boat. Didn't happen last summer as dramatically, but I think this year she's much more attuned to the light. For you, having yours outdoors on a long walk (=getting a full dose of daylight) so late in the day is not going to help move bedtime earlier, at least for the rest of the summer.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:54     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:Can your husband feed them before you get home? Then you get home, eat something quickly and go for the walk etc. I think something's going to have to give.


OP. Dinner is quality family time. I make (sort of) quick and healthy things and try to do different meals every night: cheesy eggs with broccoli (15 min), baked salmon & broccoli (30 min), Mac & cheese from scratch with veggies (15 min), soup made the night before, baked chicken breasts with veggies (20 min), rice and shrimp (20 min). I like to feed them (kids and DH) healthy meals with fresh veggies and I have never learned how to cook on weekends to have leftovers..
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:49     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I tend to agree with the other posters that the kids should go to bed earlier. My 3 yo has an 8:30 bedtime, which folks are saying is late but I do think the time works for her. She sleeps until 6 or 7am. Try for 8:30 or even 9 and see what that extra hour does for you. Also, if you have some sort of involved bedtime routine where you have to lie with them until they fall asleep, I would cut that out. No judgment, I swear. I think it's really nice to cuddle too, but I don't have the patience because I usually have to log back on to work after bedtime. We do bath, brush teeth, book, hugs, and lights off, that's it. I just can't spare the time if I want to get sleep for myself.

Also, you could try alternating study/late nights with early bedtime nights. I try to get up around 5am and run every other morning, which means I try for an earlier bedtime every other night. Ideally it would be every night, but I'll take what I can get.


OP. Good advice about alternating study/early bedtime nights! I'll try to do everything faster tonight and see if I can put them to bed at 8 and go to bed at 11 myself. Running at 5 am would be so awesome if I could only get myself out of bed.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:45     Subject: Re:How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:Do you rent or own your home?

Commuting is the enemy of happiness and you're spending two hours per day on it. It's wasted, empty time that is often stressful.

Trading a larger living space for a much shorter commute was one of the best things I ever did. Time is finite. Wasting it getting from one place to another is pointless.


OP. We own. I am actively looking for a new job with a shorter commute, so hopefully, that will change in the next year.
dancingsunflowers06
Post 07/09/2015 16:31     Subject: Re:How to have energy after work?
Gosh! There a lots of great suggestions already on here. Just wanted to offer support...it's great that you are recognizing the need for change. And it's great that you are making such a huge effort to spend time with your kiddos after a long work day. This whole balance thing is tricky! I've worked pt, ft, contract, from home etc. all with kiddos and finally feel balanced working pt after I drop them off. I know thats not an option for everyone, but it has really helped because I still fulfill my work outlet 'need' and have time to do all my mom responsibilities...and I have energy when they come home from school. Hope you are able to find a good balance for your family soon! Hang in there!

mommato2lilmonkeys
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:24     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Anonymous wrote:My kids (10 mo and 4yo) also go to bed at 9.30-10. The problem is the long nap 4yo takes in school/camp. And the new arrival is too excited to go to bed if big brother is up. They get all the sleep they need (thanks to naps), I am exausted. 1 hour commute each way plus 9h of work... I fall asleep before they do sometimes.


But if your 4 year old got more sleep at night, then the nap at school might not be so long.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:13     Subject: How to have energy after work?
My kids (10 mo and 4yo) also go to bed at 9.30-10. The problem is the long nap 4yo takes in school/camp. And the new arrival is too excited to go to bed if big brother is up. They get all the sleep they need (thanks to naps), I am exausted. 1 hour commute each way plus 9h of work... I fall asleep before they do sometimes.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2015 16:06     Subject: How to have energy after work?
Can your husband have dinner ready to go at 6:30, as soon as you get home? That's what I'm in charge of every night, and it's a lifesaver. Requires a lot of pre-planning, but we're done eating by 7, take a walk or play until 7:30, lights out for kids by 8:30. We do dishes and clean kitchen after bedtime, then collapse (husband watches tv or reads while I grade and prep classes). This works for us, in part, because I don't start teaching until 9:45, so the kids still get a good night's sleep before I get them up for day care.