Anonymous wrote:

My husband has dutifully scooped litter for nearly nine years while I've been pregnant or nursing four kids (he continued while I was nursing, not just pregnant, just to "be safe", even though I told him I could do it). He HATES, HATES, HATES the smell of cat litter to the point of physical revulsion. He showers after scooping the box. Scooped product goes straight to the trash can outside. He is completely, utterly disgusted by pee on his pillow or his bed, in our closet, in the hallway, and on not one but two of our kids' beanbags. He has weathered this all without pitching a fight to get rid of the cat, but now that we're on a multiple pees per month (per week, really), he's just done. There is nowhere particularly viable for the upstairs litter box given )

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is an asshole. What is this, the 1950s and you have to listen to him like he's your boss? Stand up for your beloved cat and figure out what's wrong.

Ever heard of picking your battles? Do you think there just MIGHT be other issues in our lives that I'd prefer to wage war over rather than the cat? I can think of three genuinely life-changing issues on which we disagree and will need to work through. Making him feel like I've chosen the aging cat over him - something that would literally be right in front of him everyday - is not a great strategy.

As for PPs suggesting litter box somewhere on same floor. Where? Which one of our kids' bedrooms should it go in? Is the hallway the right place? Our bathroom is by far the best option but it is truly a non-starter.

Anonymous wrote:So, the kinder route is the needle, then? I am having a really hard time accepting that it's fine to kill the cat. I would keep her and deal with having a litter box where I don't want it. My husband on the other hand can't tolerate the idea of a litter box anywhere near him or his stuff, ever, for any reason. I want to do what's right by this animal but I don't know what that really is.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in your situation twice, although neither time was our cat as old as your cat is. 13 is quite respectable for a cat!

Our first cat with this issue, a male tabby (apparently prone to bladder issues), had recurring cystitis that eventually led to a bladder rupture. His peeing outside the box issues were both physical and behavioral. We spent thousands of dollars on vet care (including behavioral vet care), tried every food and medicine available at the time, and had to replace furniture and other items that he peed on. It was crazy -- we had to close all bedroom doors and cover all the living room furniture with shower curtains every time we left the house as no room and nothing was safe. We discussed many times whether we could rehome him but realized that there is no rehoming an indoor-only cat with uncontrollable peeing problems. When his bladder ruptured, and we were looking at a $5000+ bill for two weeks of intensive inpatient care to get him through the crisis, with every chance of later recurrence, that was it. We euthanized him with much sadness but no regrets.

I will also point out that he had been the friendliest, most loving cat before his health issues caused him to undergo a massive personality change into a grumpy, growling kitty. He was not happy because he was not well. I was so sorry to lose him but there was no viable alternative.

Our second cat with this issue was so much harder because there was no apparent physical cause of his peeing problems. A move plus a cat terrorizing him from outside our new house (grrr, I freaking HATE people who let their cats outdoors -- so irresponsible on so many levels) caused him to start peeing outside the box to mark territory despite anti-anxiety meds, new litterboxes (in addition to the multiple litterboxes we already had), new blinds to hide his view (although probably not the smell or sound) of the outside cat, and every behavioral intervention that we and the vets could come up with. Nothing worked. It was driving my husband crazy although he is much more of the catlover than I am. No lie -- it was so hard to make the decision, and it was terrible on my kids, but the decision to euthanize our cat was the right one. It would have been morally wrong to try to rehome him by taking him to a shelter. I looked into cat sanctuaries but that would have been terrible for him because other cats stressed the hell out of him. He was an indoor-only cat and I never would have let him outside or sent him to live on a farm. Euthanasia was the right decision even though he was not old.

OP, I don't think your husband is an ass. People who haven't lived with it have no idea how horrible it is to have a cat peeing outside the box. Although I do think it would be reasonable to try an additional litterbox -- would a covered one work? If you scoop daily, and change the litter out regularly, it's not that smelly and not gross to look at. But if that really won't fly, and you are at peace with the decision, then I think it's OK to give your kitty a gentle death. You have given her a much better life than she might have had and 13 is a good age for a kitty.

Good luck, and ignore the haters.

Anonymous wrote:

Here's where I think I'm truly a terrible person: I was hoping the vet would discover the beginning of some painful, awful disease so that we could just euthanize her and be at peace with it. I don't wish illness on the poor creature, but I could use some peace of mind that I'd be doing the right thing. Ugh.

You need to take responsibility for yourself. You are a grown person. If you think that putting the cat down is the ethical and appropriate thing to do, given your obligation to your husband and kids as well as the cat, do it. Don't look for people here to validate it, or hope that the cat has a secret disease that would otherwise justify it.

Here's where I think I'm truly a terrible person: I was hoping the vet would discover the beginning of some painful, awful disease so that we could just euthanize her and be at peace with it. I don't wish illness on the poor creature, but I could use some peace of mind that I'd be doing the right thing. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH is the horrible person here.

I would draw a hard line about trying a litter box in a new place before calling it a day--and pressing the vet about there being some source of pain that might be treated. Your cat is probably getting old and uncomfortable if she is not willing to go downstairs to use the litter box.

Check out the first quality of life scale here to see if it is close to time:

http://www.lapoflove.com/Quality-of-Life/Determining-Pet-Quality-of-Life

We put our cat down last week due to cancer and that scale helped us determine when it was time.

And, fwiw, DH took time off work to go with me, and it is possibly the only time I have seen him cry outside of a movie theater. Your DH needn't love the cat, but he could show some common decency for the cat and you.

In defense of my spouse, he's been very grudgingly putting up with the animal for more than ten years. She has peed in many other places. She's a very anxious cat. Between cat pee and cat puke he's pretty much beside himself and can't stand it. His natural inclination would be to throw her out the front door at first offense, so he's put in a lot of time tolerating her already. This is pretty much the last straw for him.

I'm sorry to say, OP, but your DH is, indeed, acting like an ass in this situation. He's an adult and can choose not to be "beside himself" over cat pee and cat puke. Frankly, in the big scheme of life, these are minor things for him to lose his shit over. The cat, on the other hand, is helpless and counted on you to keep your promise to give her a safe life where she would be loved and cared for. If you get rid of her, you're not just letting her down, you may well be sending her off to an early death, even though you already know she is in good health.

Stand up to your DH and ask yourself why you would capitulate to a person who has such little regard for a living thing that he would ask you to kill your cat.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in your situation twice, although neither time was our cat as old as your cat is. 13 is quite respectable for a cat!

Our first cat with this issue, a male tabby (apparently prone to bladder issues), had recurring cystitis that eventually led to a bladder rupture. His peeing outside the box issues were both physical and behavioral. We spent thousands of dollars on vet care (including behavioral vet care), tried every food and medicine available at the time, and had to replace furniture and other items that he peed on. It was crazy -- we had to close all bedroom doors and cover all the living room furniture with shower curtains every time we left the house as no room and nothing was safe. We discussed many times whether we could rehome him but realized that there is no rehoming an indoor-only cat with uncontrollable peeing problems. When his bladder ruptured, and we were looking at a $5000+ bill for two weeks of intensive inpatient care to get him through the crisis, with every chance of later recurrence, that was it. We euthanized him with much sadness but no regrets.

I will also point out that he had been the friendliest, most loving cat before his health issues caused him to undergo a massive personality change into a grumpy, growling kitty. He was not happy because he was not well. I was so sorry to lose him but there was no viable alternative.

Our second cat with this issue was so much harder because there was no apparent physical cause of his peeing problems. A move plus a cat terrorizing him from outside our new house (grrr, I freaking HATE people who let their cats outdoors -- so irresponsible on so many levels) caused him to start peeing outside the box to mark territory despite anti-anxiety meds, new litterboxes (in addition to the multiple litterboxes we already had), new blinds to hide his view (although probably not the smell or sound) of the outside cat, and every behavioral intervention that we and the vets could come up with. Nothing worked. It was driving my husband crazy although he is much more of the catlover than I am. No lie -- it was so hard to make the decision, and it was terrible on my kids, but the decision to euthanize our cat was the right one. It would have been morally wrong to try to rehome him by taking him to a shelter. I looked into cat sanctuaries but that would have been terrible for him because other cats stressed the hell out of him. He was an indoor-only cat and I never would have let him outside or sent him to live on a farm. Euthanasia was the right decision even though he was not old.

OP, I don't think your husband is an ass. People who haven't lived with it have no idea how horrible it is to have a cat peeing outside the box. Although I do think it would be reasonable to try an additional litterbox -- would a covered one work? If you scoop daily, and change the litter out regularly, it's not that smelly and not gross to look at. But if that really won't fly, and you are at peace with the decision, then I think it's OK to give your kitty a gentle death. You have given her a much better life than she might have had and 13 is a good age for a kitty.

Good luck, and ignore the haters.