You are ready to move in together when you are sure of ALL of the following things:

1) You are mature and able to clearly identify and express your opinions and needs. "Fear of the unknown" will not propel you to do stupid things, like stay in a relationship that is not the right one for you and the circumstances.

2) Your partner is... (see #1 above).

3) You and your partner both want to move in together.

4) You and your partner both know how to break up without being jerks or dilly dallying.

5) You and your partner both know how to identify and resolve problems.

6) You and your partner have had a clear conversation about money, sex, expectations in a relationship around unanticipated stuff like pregnancy, getting bored, or even *someday* marriage (or not marriage) -- and you are able to continue to have these discussions from time to time, without flinching, because things change, people change.


That is how you know you are ready.

Anonymous wrote:I am watching this happen to my sweet cousin right now.
31 years old, moves in with boyfriend after 1 year of dating, now it's over 2 years of dating.
No proposal, every holiday and weekend getaway she thinks she is getting engaged, and then disappointment.

The relationship is great, she is happy EXCEPT for the fact he is not proposing. They talk about marriage, yes he says he would like to be married and have kids, but no ring. And no reason to break up because everything is great.

Awful.

I was in a similar situation except that it was everyone else thinking we'd get engaged at this magical 2 year mark. Instead, now hubby and I had really good, open communication and I knew he needed more time. He was able to articulate to me why he needed that time. The hardest part was telling everyone else to STFU and mind their biz! Sure enough 4 months later he was ready and asked if we could go ring shopping. (I also knew he had no confidence in his taste and there was no way he was buying a ring we hadn't picked out together). 5 years to almost the day we met we are married and expecting our first baby. Everyone is different and needs to be able to communicate with their partner to make sure they are on the same page IMHO.

Anonymous wrote:My Friend moved into his GF's apt when he got kicked out of his when they had been dating 6 months. Six years later they get engaged and buy a house and a year later they get married. (Both are now mid-30's) A year into the marriage, my friend realizes that he has made a huge mistake. He filed for separation/divorce before their 1st wedding anniversary.

When I talked to him he admitted that he loved and cared about her, but it wasn't the kind of love you need to sustain a marriage. He initially moved in because he needed to; slide into living together. Then he dragged his feet for 6 years because he was waiting for something better to come along. When he hit his mid-30's thought, "well, there is nothing horribly wrong with our relationship. I'm not getting younger. I guess I should marry her." So he slide into marriage.

Luckily, he realized his mistake before they had kids.

Ouch! That's what I'm afraid of.

My Friend moved into his GF's apt when he got kicked out of his when they had been dating 6 months. Six years later they get engaged and buy a house and a year later they get married. (Both are now mid-30's) A year into the marriage, my friend realizes that he has made a huge mistake. He filed for separation/divorce before their 1st wedding anniversary.

When I talked to him he admitted that he loved and cared about her, but it wasn't the kind of love you need to sustain a marriage. He initially moved in because he needed to; slide into living together. Then he dragged his feet for 6 years because he was waiting for something better to come along. When he hit his mid-30's thought, "well, there is nothing horribly wrong with our relationship. I'm not getting younger. I guess I should marry her." So he slide into marriage.

Luckily, he realized his mistake before they had kids.

Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free?

When you are married.

Never for me too

I am watching this happen to my sweet cousin right now.
31 years old, moves in with boyfriend after 1 year of dating, now it's over 2 years of dating.
No proposal, every holiday and weekend getaway she thinks she is getting engaged, and then disappointment.

The relationship is great, she is happy EXCEPT for the fact he is not proposing. They talk about marriage, yes he says he would like to be married and have kids, but no ring. And no reason to break up because everything is great.

Awful.

Anonymous wrote:You will know when the time is right.

Like you stated, all relationships are completely different as well as highly unique of one another. It is difficult to make a hard and fast timeline about moving in together.

It sounds to me as if you are not ready to take the plunge and that is okay. Do not let your peers pressure into doing something you are not 100% ready for.

Take your time. All good things come to those who wait.

+1!!!