Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

My mother will probably move with us/close to us in a few years. The only person in our immediate family who still lives on our hometown is my uncle. Everyone else has moved away. Five years ago, I was playfully asking. I would now like her to move here before she gets sick. I know it is not a guarantee that she will get sick, but I would like her to have some sort of community/doctors/etc here. If she get seriously ill right now it would be a complete logistical nightmare. She is single and I am her only child.

I think she is coming to terms with what you have expressed.

Anonymous wrote:you might like them better if they live closer. When they live a few minutes away, you can see them for short bursts of time, like a dinner here or babysitting. When ILs live far away, you end spending an entire day or days together, which can be too much.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH. i needed a good laugh today.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are incredibly lucky. I hope you're good to them. Most of us have no help, but plenty of meddling and boundary stomping from parents and in-laws.

I think we are good to them. They won't accept $$ for their help so we just try to do really nice things for them throughout the year. I pack food for them when I cook, and we are their on call tech support. If you have any suggestions to keep them even happier, I am all ears!

I know I am lucky because before we lived here, I was solo with the kids while my DH traveled 80%. Believe me , we want them to be happy!

Yes, you are incredibly lucky. I hope you're good to them. Most of us have no help, but plenty of meddling and boundary stomping from parents and in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

My parents' #1 priority in their lives is to be near their grandchildren and to support their children. I can't imagine picking up and moving to, say, Missouri, because that's where a kid was but my parents would seriously consider it.

We moved to be closer to my parents, then my parents purchased a home that was close to both my sister and me so that they could be easily available to help with the grandkids, school pickup/dropoff, etc. They are still reasonably close to most of their friends and family, but they wouldn't live somewhere with no grandkids nearby. I

It works pretty well because we have boundaries. My parents are primary child care but they don't stick around (or expect us to stay at their place) for more than 15 minutes for pickup/drop off - just long enough to get the kids settled. They don't expect us to spend our weekends with them, they don't barge into our house unannounced, etc. When they do invite themselves over it's with a "hey, if you want to go to the gym or run errands I can watch the kids for a bit this morning." If my parents tried to meddle in my marriage this situation would be a nightmare.

you are so, so, very lucky.

you might like them better if they live closer. When they live a few minutes away, you can see them for short bursts of time, like a dinner here or babysitting. When ILs live far away, you end spending an entire day or days together, which can be too much.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

My parents' #1 priority in their lives is to be near their grandchildren and to support their children. I can't imagine picking up and moving to, say, Missouri, because that's where a kid was but my parents would seriously consider it.

We moved to be closer to my parents, then my parents purchased a home that was close to both my sister and me so that they could be easily available to help with the grandkids, school pickup/dropoff, etc. They are still reasonably close to most of their friends and family, but they wouldn't live somewhere with no grandkids nearby. I

It works pretty well because we have boundaries. My parents are primary child care but they don't stick around (or expect us to stay at their place) for more than 15 minutes for pickup/drop off - just long enough to get the kids settled. They don't expect us to spend our weekends with them, they don't barge into our house unannounced, etc. When they do invite themselves over it's with a "hey, if you want to go to the gym or run errands I can watch the kids for a bit this morning." If my parents tried to meddle in my marriage this situation would be a nightmare.

Pp again. Nothing sadder than an elderly person living (and often dying) alone with no one to help or check in on them.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

When you and your spouse are older and become more infirm, you will want to move near one of them. No one wants to depend on their children but it often becomes necessary.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

I absolutely agree with this, but I have found that my husband and I seem to be in the minority when we talk about how important it is for us to be near our friends and neighbors and community organizations. I've even heard people say "I know you're supposed to care about that kind of thing but I really just want a bigger house." I think for a lot of people their only real relationships are at work and with their spouse and kids at home.

Or I think people move to places where there are a lot of people who are retired or semi-retired and in the same stages of life as them, so it is easy to make connections and plug into a new community for part of the year even.

I see it a lot in my extended family actually where parents move to be closer to the kids, when the kids end up in similar areas and they are retired. They have time to go back and visit with friends and what not but prioritize the relationships with their children and grandchildren over them.

Anonymous wrote:At least you will no longer have to travel far to see them. That is a blessing, right? My ILs live across the country and it really is expensive and a PITA.

This. I no longer have to spend time and money visiting my inlaws. I no longer have to sleep in their house and they no longer have to sleep in mine. They are much easier to take 3 hours at a time. We've had to set boundaries (ie: we are not accepting every invitation from them) but thankfully they moved to a 55+ community with a "cruise director" and they enjoy all of the activities.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how people just move after living in a community their whole life. I am fifty. I have spent my whole life building a life. My wife has friends, I have friends. We belong to civic organizations, social organizations. There are professionals I rely on. Trades people that I can count on. I play golf. My wife plays tennis. I have known my neighbors for many many years. I can't imagine any circumstances where I would just pack up the car and move away, just to be a little closer to one of my children.

I absolutely agree with this, but I have found that my husband and I seem to be in the minority when we talk about how important it is for us to be near our friends and neighbors and community organizations. I've even heard people say "I know you're supposed to care about that kind of thing but I really just want a bigger house." I think for a lot of people their only real relationships are at work and with their spouse and kids at home.