Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

I've never put out food Ive received, and no one has been offended. It's not that big of a deal.

Really? So if someone brings dessert or an app you just put it away? That's weird. And I do get annoyed when people bring food without asking what's needed. If I spend time making a nice big salad and someone else brings salad without me knowing- I end up tossing all the leftovers. Buuuut i would always serve it. Seems really weird not to.

This fascinates me.

So do you just say thank you, tck it in the fridge and pull it out and hand it back to them as they are leaving?

How awkward!

If that is the case, you are delusional if you think your guests are not offended by this.

They just happen to be too gracious and polite to react to your face to your absolute rudeness. But there is no way they aren't offended and giving an earfull to their spouse on the drive home, or at the very least laughing about the absurdity of your behavior.

Friends of mine had something like this happen at a super bowl party years ago.

Brought a homemade dip and baguettes...hostess put away in the fridge (and ordered out pizza!!)...never served the appetizer and took over a year to return the platter and bowl.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

I've never put out food Ive received, and no one has been offended. It's not that big of a deal.

Really? So if someone brings dessert or an app you just put it away? That's weird. And I do get annoyed when people bring food without asking what's needed. If I spend time making a nice big salad and someone else brings salad without me knowing- I end up tossing all the leftovers. Buuuut i would always serve it. Seems really weird not to.

This fascinates me.

So do you just say thank you, tck it in the fridge and pull it out and hand it back to them as they are leaving?

How awkward!

If that is the case, you are delusional if you think your guests are not offended by this.

They just happen to be too gracious and polite to react to your face to your absolute rudeness. But there is no way they aren't offended and giving an earfull to their spouse on the drive home, or at the very least laughing about the absurdity of your behavior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beer

+1. If she hasn't asked you to bring something, I'd not take the chance that you mess up her menu, or that she feels obligated to serve what you've made. You also don't know about any potential allergy issues or other food concerns.

Ugh, this is ridiculous. Only uber-controlling people think like this. Good hosts allow their guests to contribute something.

No. That is called a potluck and OP would have been told a type of dish to bring.
Its actually considered quite rude to spring food on a host with the expectation that it be served. Food as a host/ess gift may be accepted and put away to enjoy at a later time.

You don't go to many neighborhood bbqs, do you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

I've never put out food Ive received, and no one has been offended. It's not that big of a deal.

Really? So if someone brings dessert or an app you just put it away? That's weird. And I do get annoyed when people bring food without asking what's needed. If I spend time making a nice big salad and someone else brings salad without me knowing- I end up tossing all the leftovers. Buuuut i would always serve it. Seems really weird not to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't necessarily bring beer. How do you know alcohol is welcome? And beer bothers a lot of well intentioned liberals.

Wait, what? I'm a liberal who suggested beer earlier...

And I'm a progressive who finds it troubling.

Can you provide more information on why Beer is "troubling" to you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

You must be a lovely hostess.

I am.

Fully planned, well executed meals. Fully stocked bar. Wine matched to the food.

Don't really need a dish cooked in a manner I don't know, of unknown quality, that may or may not compliment my menu.

What wine matches hotdogs and hamburgers?

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

I've never put out food Ive received, and no one has been offended. It's not that big of a deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't necessarily bring beer. How do you know alcohol is welcome? And beer bothers a lot of well intentioned liberals.

Wait, what? I'm a liberal who suggested beer earlier...

And I'm a progressive who finds it troubling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

You must be a lovely hostess.

I am.

Fully planned, well executed meals. Fully stocked bar. Wine matched to the food.

Don't really need a dish cooked in a manner I don't know, of unknown quality, that may or may not compliment my menu.

It would probably make everyone happy if you made clear in some polite way that don't need any help with the meal. I think it's assumed that people will bring something to a barbeque, unless notified to the contrary. I'd be delighted not to have to do anything but show up. Re alcohol - unless you know the hosts really well, I'd stay away from bringing beer or wine. Plenty of former alcoholics in this area who don't need or appreciate the temptation. I'm not one of them, but I've become sensitive to the issue.

Not PP, but isn't the act of not asking for something, 'making clear in a polite way' that they don't need help?
I get this is a BBQ, so pretty casual, but regardless when I get together with (new) friends and they invite me to a gathering at their house, I generally say what can I bring? And either they say that an app or a dessert would be appreciated or they say Nothing, we've got it under control and so I know. Now, that probably didn't happen here. But, as a host when extending an invitation if it was expected that the guest would bring something, in the invitation I'd ask if it would be troublesome for them to make xyz, or there was a side dish they would like to share?
To me, the silence on this issue indicates they have the food under control.

I'd bring her a bouquet of pretty hydrangeas from my yard and a bottle of wine. If they don't drink they can regift it. Or ask us to take it home with us. No harm no foul.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

You must be a lovely hostess.

I am.

Fully planned, well executed meals. Fully stocked bar. Wine matched to the food.

Don't really need a dish cooked in a manner I don't know, of unknown quality, that may or may not compliment my menu.

It would probably make everyone happy if you made clear in some polite way that don't need any help with the meal. I think it's assumed that people will bring something to a barbeque, unless notified to the contrary. I'd be delighted not to have to do anything but show up. Re alcohol - unless you know the hosts really well, I'd stay away from bringing beer or wine. Plenty of former alcoholics in this area who don't need or appreciate the temptation. I'm not one of them, but I've become sensitive to the issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Beer

+1. If she hasn't asked you to bring something, I'd not take the chance that you mess up her menu, or that she feels obligated to serve what you've made. You also don't know about any potential allergy issues or other food concerns.

Ugh, this is ridiculous. Only uber-controlling people think like this. Good hosts allow their guests to contribute something.

No. That is called a potluck and OP would have been told a type of dish to bring.
Its actually considered quite rude to spring food on a host with the expectation that it be served. Food as a host/ess gift may be accepted and put away to enjoy at a later time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drives me nuts when people randomly show up with food they expect me to serve

You must be a lovely hostess.

I am.

Fully planned, well executed meals. Fully stocked bar. Wine matched to the food.

Don't really need a dish cooked in a manner I don't know, of unknown quality, that may or may not compliment my menu.

LOL! Way not fun for a BBQ.

OP, bring an appetizer. Or beer. Beer is always welcome. Or fruit.

Desserts are fine, but I feel like there always ends up being way too much dessert because that's what everyone wants to bring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mixed berries -- everything is in season, they are good with any existing dessert and the kids will eat them.

No one wants that shit

Really? My kids will devour berries! (and I will too)

People always want to bring desserts because they are the easiest!