Many people say they lost their wife after their kids arrived. I lost my husband! Why? because he spends his waking hours and night thinking and dreaming about our kid. Overspends on him, indulge in him too much. Same with his mother. Suffocating. Always following him, give him some space and some time to make decisions on his own. What do we do on bdays, valentines and fathers/mothers day? Spend more time with him.

Anonymous wrote:Why would you let go of all of your other pleasures just because you became a parent?

Agreed. My time for other things might be limited with children, but I certainly enjoy other things other than my kids. There's no shame in that. And while I do love my kids more than a glass of wine, that glass of wine is still very beloved (especially after a long hectic week with work and kids).

What I find odd about this line of thinking is that we are all hopefully going to live 70+ years. Kids are going to be the primary focus for maybe 20 years if have more than one? By 15 or 16, they have their own lives. Yes they still need you, but they are becoming their own people.

I just think it's very dangerous to set kids up as the be all and end all out of a life that long. We, as women, have to have our own identities and interests. I actually think this is critical to having good adult relationships with kids.

I don't think men have these conversations.

Anonymous wrote:Adopting a child gave my life purpose. I did a lot of interesting things before, but they all pale in comparison to this. JMHO.

+1. I have many interests but my world changed when my child's birthmom placed my child in my arms. Nothing is equal or compares.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adopting a child gave my life purpose. I did a lot of interesting things before, but they all pale in comparison to this. JMHO.

You had no purpose in life before having a child? Pathetic.

Aren't you lovely?

Of course my life had other purposes. But in looking back, it's clear they were nowhere near as meaningful as what as become the lead purpose of my life.

I really love my job- it is very fulfilling. But it pales in comparison to my children. I find them super annoying at times and I'm not a "kid person" in many ways but still the love is very deep- much deeper than any other experience or relationship. I am not sure I could go on if something happened to them even though I had a very full life before them and could continue my very fulfilling job, travel, life without them. But I would be emotionally devastated if they weren't here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I do know many people with unattractive, badly behaved kids who are also doing poorly at school and I wonder if their parents even like their children?

what does the unattractive thing have to do with it?

Seriously, this is LOL. Every kid goes through unattractive phases. Wait until 13, PP.

I love my kids to death. I also love eating out, traveling, hanging out with my DH just the two of us, and going to the movies alone.

It's not necessary to stop enjoying everything non-kid related and make your children the "best" and the main thing that brings you joy in life. In fact, that seems to me to be really unhealthy.

NP but maybe they meant unattractive behavior/attitude?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adopting a child gave my life purpose. I did a lot of interesting things before, but they all pale in comparison to this. JMHO.

You had no purpose in life before having a child? Pathetic.

Cutting down an adoptive parent for saying all the "purpose" in his/her life paled in comparison to adoption? Pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I feel like my life didn't really "start" until I had DD. Yes DH and I still love our date nights and take the occasional few days away, but I just am head over heals for DD and couldn't imagine life without her.

I think this is fascinating. And I wonder how old you were when you had your child?

Heals probably gives you a clue.

depends on what you mean by best. it's not the most pleasurable but it is one of the most meaningful. unless you are curing cancer or some such, it is probably the most meaningful thing you are doing with your life.

It's so sad to me when people feel like life had no purpose before kids, life started when they had kids, etc. Like, what did you do for those ~30 years prior? It's so unfair to the kids to be brought into the world as a salve for your dissatisfaction with life.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry I feel like my life didn't really "start" until I had DD. Yes DH and I still love our date nights and take the occasional few days away, but I just am head over heals for DD and couldn't imagine life without her.

I think this is fascinating. And I wonder how old you were when you had your child?

Anonymous wrote:I actually agree with the title of your post, OP. I'm not sure what the greatest thing in the world would be, but I felt more consumed by and more interested in the minutiae of my dissertation research, for example.

At the same time, I feel a little superstitious about saying the kids aren't the loves of my lives; I would be devastated if something happened to one of them. But, I guess, it wouldn't destroy who I am if they weren't here (if we hadn't had them) in the way losing some of my other pursuits might feel like.

Well, that wasn't very coherent!

That's because day-to-day kid minutiae (especially when they're young) is repetitive and boring as hell. But your kids will continue to grow and mature and will love you back and hopefully be a source of ongoing emotional fulfillment for decades to come, unlike your dissertation.

But I agree...false dichotomy. There is room for both and they are different experiences.

Sorry I feel like my life didn't really "start" until I had DD. Yes DH and I still love our date nights and take the occasional few days away, but I just am head over heals for DD and couldn't imagine life without her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I do know many people with unattractive, badly behaved kids who are also doing poorly at school and I wonder if their parents even like their children?

what does the unattractive thing have to do with it?

Seriously, this is LOL. Every kid goes through unattractive phases. Wait until 13, PP.

I love my kids to death. I also love eating out, traveling, hanging out with my DH just the two of us, and going to the movies alone.

It's not necessary to stop enjoying everything non-kid related and make your children the "best" and the main thing that brings you joy in life. In fact, that seems to me to be really unhealthy.