Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:53     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:Polyamory is disgusting and so are the people who participate in this craziness.

I bet most of you are borderline personalities.


Don't quit your day job.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:50     Subject: polyamory
My husband and I are poly. It works for us, and has for nearly 10 years. No we are not on the cusp on divorce, and we still have a wonderful physical relationship with each other. I'm always surprised, although I know I shouldn't be, at some of the intensely negative reactions to this subject. Why does it offend people so much? How does it affect you, and who do you think is being hurt here?
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:41     Subject: polyamory
Polyamory is disgusting and so are the people who participate in this craziness.

I bet most of you are borderline personalities.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:23     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:OP, what exactly are you looking for? I can understand the logic, if you like sex and physical affection, then having more then one partner must be better then having only one partner... kind of like how if a one week vacation is nice, then a two week one must be even better. Realize that the type of person you'll be dealing with will not be healthy. Nobody wants to be second best even if they say so... and most of the polyamorous folks I've ran into are very articulate. They aren't stupid, they just aren't healthy. They won't care about you as a human being, though they will say what they need to to convince you to hop into bed with them. If you're marriage isn't what you'd want, I'd urge you to fix it or at least try. My husband and I went through a period where polyamory seemed like a good idea. He got involved in old person type activities, Freemasons anda church that was made up of and served the needs of old people. We lived in an area that was nice but had virtually no kid activities. Once I was able to articulate my feelings on our life together and we both made changes (I can't emphasize the second part enough) things got better. The folks who are into polyamory lack the skills to be in a healthy monogamous relationship. They like sex and adult companionship as much as anybody, but it's like eating a Hershey bar when what you really want is Belgian chocolate.


So, you have never tried polyamory, you have never been a third and you are an expert in such matters? Do you have an enormous set of close poly friends that you have studied over the years?

What cracks me up is that my DH and I have a pretty solid marriage and both come from great intact families. WE are just realistic about the misery that monogamy levies on a species that are not naturally monogamous.

I see unhealthy people ALL OVER THE PLACE. What I see a lot of in my monogamous friends are miserable marriages. Marriages that are sexless, without intimacy, with a lot of deceit, dull, and stale. I see partners who no longer care to impress each other. Judge away, but I will tell you that a little bit of jealousy and competition is EXCELLENT for a marriage. It is never good to get too secure in your position and it is also good to realize that your partner is desired and that you are with each other not because there are no other option, but because that is ultimately who you WANT to be with. Once you get to see exactly how green the grass is on the other side, if your marriage is strong, you will be right back tending your own lawn.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:17     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.


I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.


She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.


I think this is sort of how I feel. I love DH. I know I will always want to be with him, share my home with him, have a physical relationship with him, have him as my best and most trusted friend.

I just also have a hard time thinking about him being the only person I ever have a physical relationship with for the rest of my life. And, to me, the desire to be with someone else does not diminish my desire to be with DH.

Still, I am nervous about potentially screwing up a good thing.



These were my thoughts exactly when I opened my marriage and that was what I asked him: "do you really want me to be the last person you are physically intimate with for the rest of your life?" and he said that he did not want that. We took it from there. We both found partners separately. I have no desire to watch him have sex and he feels the same way. You are correct that unicorn hunting is not likely to work out if you choose that route but you could try "swinging" together as a couple.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:14     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:Question for the monogamous folks who became poly later.

When you first began exploring polyamory, did you each seek out partners separately or together. I know that "unicorn hunting" is generally unrealistic.


For us, we always thought monogamy was a crock of shit. However, we were monogamous for 15 years, never seeking anything outside out. However, another woman kind of dropped into our lives unexpectedly. It was something that just happened. I think for us, we are extremely picky and don't feel any urgency to find a partner ( we are more into the FMF thing), but it has just happened twice. You'd be really surprised to know how many single women are out there who also don't seek this out, but it ends up happening. It is often women who for whatever reason don't want a true commitment, but want the perks of intimacy and the security of having somebody there for them. I'm very sensitive to our third because it is a hard spot to be in. It certainly would not be for me, but I do crave commitment and have no problem with it.

Only time actual unicorn hunting will work for you is if you are

1. Not Picky
or
2. extremely attractive
3. and are very secure as to not cause drama (usually it is the wife that is the big drama problem maker)
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:11     Subject: polyamory
OP, what exactly are you looking for? I can understand the logic, if you like sex and physical affection, then having more then one partner must be better then having only one partner... kind of like how if a one week vacation is nice, then a two week one must be even better. Realize that the type of person you'll be dealing with will not be healthy. Nobody wants to be second best even if they say so... and most of the polyamorous folks I've ran into are very articulate. They aren't stupid, they just aren't healthy. They won't care about you as a human being, though they will say what they need to to convince you to hop into bed with them. If you're marriage isn't what you'd want, I'd urge you to fix it or at least try. My husband and I went through a period where polyamory seemed like a good idea. He got involved in old person type activities, Freemasons anda church that was made up of and served the needs of old people. We lived in an area that was nice but had virtually no kid activities. Once I was able to articulate my feelings on our life together and we both made changes (I can't emphasize the second part enough) things got better. The folks who are into polyamory lack the skills to be in a healthy monogamous relationship. They like sex and adult companionship as much as anybody, but it's like eating a Hershey bar when what you really want is Belgian chocolate.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 13:01     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.


I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.


She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.


I think this is sort of how I feel. I love DH. I know I will always want to be with him, share my home with him, have a physical relationship with him, have him as my best and most trusted friend.

I just also have a hard time thinking about him being the only person I ever have a physical relationship with for the rest of my life. And, to me, the desire to be with someone else does not diminish my desire to be with DH.

Still, I am nervous about potentially screwing up a good thing.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 12:57     Subject: polyamory
Question for the monogamous folks who became poly later.

When you first began exploring polyamory, did you each seek out partners separately or together. I know that "unicorn hunting" is generally unrealistic.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 12:19     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.


I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.



Longterm poly PP here. I don't think we should let the Bible thumpers derail a positive discussion. As soon as anyone uses the words "strange and wrong" they disqualify themselves from participation in meaningful conversation. Of course there are many people who do not believe in polyamory and that is fine for them.

We are discussing the emotional elements of polyamory, not the moral/ethical aspects.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 11:58     Subject: polyamory
Meanwhile I'm a tattooed pothead with no college degree and no interest in polyamory who doesn't judge and respects the rights of others to live as they see fit.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 11:35     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.


I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.


She lives in a bubble of ignorance.

late 30s
no drugs/tattoos, but we do have security clearances
two advanced degrees
Minivan driver
Happily married and have sex much more than the average couple at our stage in life
Everyone who does not know would be floored if they knew what goes on behind closed doors. Sometimes I wish I could just tell people in order to watch their reactions. However we have kids and people are awful, so we keep it under tight wraps. But what we have discovered is that they are A LOT of people like us.

I will agree that MANY younger people embrace this lifestyle than our age and older. There are many groups popping up catering to an under 35 set. I wish we were born 15 years later, I think the future is a better one. It is unfortunate to be on the tail end of a society that watched way too many Disney movies. Monogamy most often leads to sexless marriages and to me THAT is what is strange and wrong and unnatural. Who the hell thinks monogamy is natural? What a joke! Get real. We are not bird brained penguins.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 10:31     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:I equate polyamory with silly twenty somethings who think they are too cool for school. these are the same types who gets tattoos and smoke lots of weed and don't have college degrees.

Grow up! Polyamory is a disgusting way to live. It is skeezy. It is gross. It is not natural.

Deep down, you know it is strange and wrong.

Just get a divorce already. Your poor kids.


I guarantee you that there are lots of polyamorous folks who do not satisfy this description. With advanced degrees, good jobs, and nice houses in the suburbs. They just don't talk about it because of people like you.

At least I know my DH and I can have an open and honest conversation about these things and that we never have to worry about cheating.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:59     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:Not natural? Really. I seem to recall quite a few major biblical figures with wives and concubines - long term I believe although I am no expert.


Yes, and people turned into pillars of salt in the bible, and there were magic burning bushes and seas that parted in half so that people could walk through them, and a magic boat that held ALL of the worlds animals on it.

So, yeah, not really where I turn to get relationship advice.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:40     Subject: polyamory
Anonymous wrote:Not natural? Really. I seem to recall quite a few major biblical figures with wives and concubines - long term I believe although I am no expert.


So ? There are plenty of scoundrels in the bible. We are to learn from their sins as well