Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 21:09     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:I have an only (age 7) and I feel like I deal with this constantly. All of my child's play dates are drop offs.
I don't understand why mothers feel its ok to ask me if their other child can tag along? I know you have the child. I didn't invite them for a reason. Why must you put me on the spot?
I'm asked 9/10 times, or it's assumed that their other child can come too and they show up at my door.
Now I'm having to address it beforehand and make sure they know that only my child's friend is invited.
I've even had moms ask me on more than one occasion if their other children can come to my child's birthday party. I wouldn't mind as much if its in a home setting but at a venue when i'm paying by the head, that's ridiculous.
Why do parents with multiple kids think this is ok?


I think 7 is a little old for that kind of thing, but 3 and 1 is a different story.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 12:38     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
I have an only (age 7) and I feel like I deal with this constantly. All of my child's play dates are drop offs.
I don't understand why mothers feel its ok to ask me if their other child can tag along? I know you have the child. I didn't invite them for a reason. Why must you put me on the spot?
I'm asked 9/10 times, or it's assumed that their other child can come too and they show up at my door.
Now I'm having to address it beforehand and make sure they know that only my child's friend is invited.
I've even had moms ask me on more than one occasion if their other children can come to my child's birthday party. I wouldn't mind as much if its in a home setting but at a venue when i'm paying by the head, that's ridiculous.
Why do parents with multiple kids think this is ok?
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 11:21     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


What the heck is the parent supposed to do with the other kid? Leave them in the car? I would never have been able to have my kid play with yours, in that case. You're excluding a whole group of friends by being an ungracious host.


+1. And I have an only. Unless the kids are at dropoff age, this is what you have to do.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 09:38     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


What the heck is the parent supposed to do with the other kid? Leave them in the car? I would never have been able to have my kid play with yours, in that case. You're excluding a whole group of friends by being an ungracious host.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 09:33     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
For kids that little, I think they should play together. When they are older, I ask them to include the siblings for an activity, and then I will pull the sibling for the other two to have some private time to play. I usually try to make it fun, like extra screen time or a board game with me. But for the little ones, no.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 09:21     Subject: Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:My issue with you bringing your 2 or even 3 year old uninvited sibling is that my house is not little kid proof at all. I have stuff that's breakable, I have stairs that aren't blocked off etc. I don't want a smaller child grabbing things, running around. And I don't want to worry about it either.


But in the OP, the *older*, invited child was 3, so child proofing was clearly not the issue.

And if the younger child is 3, then the older child is probably ready for drop off playdates, so it's not an issue.
Anonymous
Post 08/03/2015 09:05     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


This is the reason I'm reluctant to encourage friendships with only children. Parents who must curate every experience perfectly and precisely so that they receive the most benefit possible are too uptight for me.


I have an only child and for me it's not about cultivating every experience. It's about the fact that I don't feel like babysitting the whole family. I invited my child's friend and don't feel like dealing with the dynamic of siblings. My child is nearly 7 so when a 3-4 yr old gets pawned off on me I'm not thrilled. They aren't at the same skill set or level of independence and frankly I just want your kid to keep my kid busy and happy. If I wanted to deal with squabbling and bickering and three kids that can't agree to do the same thing, I would have had more kids. Unless your kid is in invited don't bring them. And I mean drop off age, toddlers are a different story.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 08:27     Subject: Siblings and play dates?
I don't bring both kids to a play date unless they've both been invited, but when we host a play date both kids are at home. I don't expect our older child and her friends to play with her little brother (and I keep him occupied and out of their way), but I do expect any guests to be nice. This has only been an issue once, and we won't be inviting that child over again.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 08:07     Subject: Siblings and play dates?
My issue with you bringing your 2 or even 3 year old uninvited sibling is that my house is not little kid proof at all. I have stuff that's breakable, I have stairs that aren't blocked off etc. I don't want a smaller child grabbing things, running around. And I don't want to worry about it either.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:59     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


LOL. I guess that's why some only children have a difficult time playing with others.

My DS's best friend is an only child and his mother loves having my younger son over too because it's like rent-a-sibling. All of the perks (learning to share, negotiate, etc) but then the kid goes home when they're done.



^ my oldest is in 2nd and old enough for drop offs - and we do those - but the mom frequently asks for #2 to join along too. I don't just bring him uninvited.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:57     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


LOL. I guess that's why some only children have a difficult time playing with others.

My DS's best friend is an only child and his mother loves having my younger son over too because it's like rent-a-sibling. All of the perks (learning to share, negotiate, etc) but then the kid goes home when they're done.

Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:56     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


This is the reason I'm reluctant to encourage friendships with only children. Parents who must curate every experience perfectly and precisely so that they receive the most benefit possible are too uptight for me.


This has nothing to do with only children or parents of only children. Why do so many parents assume that all of their kids are invited to every social function? Sometimes things are clearly for the whole family but there is nothing wrong with the oldest child being invited for a solo outing. Once the kids hit drop off age this becomes a moot point anyway. But some of these threads lately show that many people around DCUM are in for a huge adjustment when their kids become school aged.
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 07:54     Subject: Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:Every play date we have gone on (and we have done a million) has included siblings. My friends with only children have never cared or asked otherwise. When the kids are old enough for drop-off playdates is when siblings are no longer included.

If the main play date kids are not including the little sibs, then the moms usually intervene to distract younger sibs. But being nice/respectful is always required.

You need new friends, op!


+10000
Anonymous
Post 06/29/2015 03:44     Subject: Re:Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:Please don't bring your other child to a playdate. I have an only and this is a pet peeve of mine. If I arrange a playdate, I want your kid to have one on one time with my child and not to have the tag along sibling interfering with that interaction or for the two siblings to start playing together and exclude my child. It's highly annoying. I don't understand why people can't see that.


This is the reason I'm reluctant to encourage friendships with only children. Parents who must curate every experience perfectly and precisely so that they receive the most benefit possible are too uptight for me.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2015 23:23     Subject: Siblings and play dates?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 4 and 6. If a child comes over who can't get along with both my kids they generally don't get invited back.


That's fine, because it's your house. But, if I invite your 6 year old and you continually drag your 4 year old along you won't get invited back either.


Bingo. I don't mind once in awhile. But, the invitation is for the "friend" not the entire family. Get a sitter. Pick and alternate date where your DH can help with sibling. Or decline. It seems the "can I bring sibling" question comes up with everything lately: play dates, birthdays, camps, etc. Jesus. Figure it out.