Anonymous wrote:I see nothing wrong with it. How would he know she didn't know. Facebook let her know, I think that's a good thing.,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

When my dad died unexpectedly, I called my brother-in-law and asked him to tell my sister. I wanted someone to be with her to comfort her when she heard the news as I was at work when I received the news. My sister never questioned my decision and I've never doubted it.

I saw an erroneous post on fb a few days ago, announcing a cousin's death and quite a few folks pounced on the poster. Folks need to let the immediate family post first or give permission to post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get two things:

Why the mother called the DH.
Why the DH didn't immediately call his wife.

I get that she is in Beijing but when a family member dies the first thing you do is call the immediate family. Never a good time to break the news but why wait?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Even if the death was expected, I feel this is completely tacky. Also, based on the fact that the wife was trying to get in touch with her daughter and the fact that the cousin has since taken the post down due to criticism from the family, it seems highly unlikely that the 'excuse' is plausible.

Anonymous wrote:It seems to be the in thing now to Facebook an imminent death, the death itself, the wake, the service, the cremation and or burial and all the rest that goes along with it.

I have seen this so many times yet no one finds it uncouth like I do. It's so sad to see the LOOK AT ME posts some people make.

Get off of Facebook.

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is awful. Your cousin totally sucks. Totally. There is no excuse. You say she has done this before? WTF?

I have two related stories that make my blood boil to this day:

1) My brother died from bipolar disorder by suicide. I still have a significant traumatic reaction to finding out about his death - it's the worst thing that I have ever experienced. Thankfully, I did not find out on Facebook. However, within an hour of me finding out about his death, I got messages from childhood friends with condolences on Facebook. Turns out, the 911 operator who took the call was an acquaintance of ours from middle school. He almost immediately posted a message that said something like, "RIP [my brother's name]. I'm so sorry you felt like you had to take your own life. I hope you are at peace now." He didn't give a shit about my brother. He just wanted to be the person to get lots of attention for posting about it. Fucker even got condolences from people as if he was a friend. I seriously considered (and sometimes still do) writing to his supervisor to get him fired or reprimanded, but it's the last thing my brother would ever want me to do so I have held off.

2) My DH's dear friend's 2 year old daughter died from cancer earlier this year. Facebook was her mom's main way of getting support through their harrowing battle with this terrible disease. The mom posted nearly every day, usually multiple times a day, with lots of pictures and medical details. She seemed to take sustenance from the prayers, likes, and loving comments she'd get from her hundreds and later thousands (she built a huge network of friends among other pediatric cancer parents) of friends every day, and DH and I both posted often just so she and her husband knew their daughter was in our hearts and prayers every day. When she went silent for a couple of days, we knew things were really dire. One night, I came downstairs after putting our baby to bed, and my DH was in tears. He had found out that the sweet baby had died, not from his friend or his friend's wife, but from a girlfriend of a mutual friend of ours who took it upon herself to post a message of condolence to the mom's wall even before the mom herself had chosen to inform the world of her child's death.

The manner of finding out the baby had died did not make her death any less sad, but we were both SO furious that this person who was barely an acquaintance of the parents took it upon herself to usurp the parents' right to disclose their daughter's death on their own timeline and terms. How selfish can you be, to think that you should be the first one to post about something like that?

Auuugh, I get enraged just thinking about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe anyone is excusing this cousin's obvious and egregious error. Particularly when the uncle/father died unexpectedly.

Unless the death is also on the nightly news, the immediately family should be the first to announce it in a public space. And Facebook IS a public space.

eh, we just now learned that this death was unexpected. The only "excuse" that I can see is if this cousin had a very close relationship with her uncle and his wife, and his wife asked for her to get the word out to everyone about his passing - so the cousin got the word out to everyone using Facebook.

It does seem pretty insensitive to his daughter living overseas but sometimes people don't think straight when they are hurting. And it's possible that the cousin thought "Well if I know, surely the family already knows about this" and didn't think twice about posting a message about it...hoping for some support for her aunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

To clarify-my a**hole cousin has been ostracised.

Why the hell did this a**hole cousin even know about the uncle's death? Something doesn't sound right....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.

To clarify-my a**hole cousin has been ostracised.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My aunt called the husband because she wanted her daughter to have someone with her when she found out.
The reason he didn't immediately call is because he didn't want her to be alone when she found out, but also because it was the middle of the night there. He assumed she'd be asleep all night and wouldn't be online.
To be honest, nobody really thought that it would be announced on Facebook. They just didn't want her finding out at 2am while she is alone in a foreign country.
She has basically been ostracised.
She is the type of person to post things like "I can't tell you what is going on, but I need you to pray for me."
She's always looking for attention.