pp - I meant generalization.

This is a gross generalizetion but here goes: when women feel overwhelmed, they tend to get irritable. Women are also usually thinking/worrying about 4 steps ahead of the process, something that (generalization) men tend not to do. So start there. Like a pp, I get snappy when my dh fails to realize I'm busy doing three things at once and needs something (for example). It annoys me that he can't see I'm busy. So i get sarcastic or snappy. It almost always happens when I'm tired AND I have taken on too much or something else very stressful happens. If she's snappy all the time, it's a sign that something else is going on. You annoy her. Figuring out why is the key. I'm not saying she's justified, just suggesting a reason.

Could be hormones, exhaustion, lack of sleep, lack of alone time, too much housework with no help, dealing with kids all day, dissatisfaction over your relationship, etc.

Lexapro - low dose - worked wonders for me! I snapped a lot, but the edge is taken off and I'm much more calm on a 5mg dose.

Anonymous wrote:Wow everyone has no tolerance on snappiness. I admit I snap a lot. I work 2 FT jobs and get about 5 hours a sleep a night. I'm barely hanging in there but it's what it takes for our family to survive right now. So there's a bawling kid trying to latch, and I'm cooking dinner before I run to my next job, and hen DH asks me if his shirt matches his khaki pants (he changes into that when he's relaxing at home after work)...I just can't. "LITERALLY everything matches khaki," I snap. Thank goodness DH gets it and doesn't leave me. My fuse is short these days and I think both partners need to cut each other some slack.

You need to change your behavior or your marriage will not last.

In a few years, when that bawling kid of yours starts snapping back at you, you'll see the damage you've done.

Wow everyone has no tolerance on snappiness. I admit I snap a lot. I work 2 FT jobs and get about 5 hours a sleep a night. I'm barely hanging in there but it's what it takes for our family to survive right now. So there's a bawling kid trying to latch, and I'm cooking dinner before I run to my next job, and hen DH asks me if his shirt matches his khaki pants (he changes into that when he's relaxing at home after work)...I just can't. "LITERALLY everything matches khaki," I snap. Thank goodness DH gets it and doesn't leave me. My fuse is short these days and I think both partners need to cut each other some slack.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's called a "love buster"... anger outbursts http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html

Is it cultural, for example my H and my BF are Italian and it is cultural. It's a little easier to control if you understand how your background plays a part. But my H also has anxiety and when it is anxiety induced it is a little more tricky.

We have a "code word"... for example "moon"... something I can say in public that nobody else understand, so my H can be shut up without being embarrassed. If I say the word he must immediately stop talking and we don't talk for about 20 minutes... or at least we change the subject, so he can calm down.

Now my kids will say "moon" when my H is being critical/angry etc.

It works for us.

They may be snapping because you have both a husband and a boyfriend.

Best friend

its nice the your boyfriend and husband are best friends.

Anonymous wrote:My wife is an inveterate snapper. She snaps with flashes of anger every other day. Soon after she apologizes and claims she is working on breaking the snapping habit and that she's sorry. Then she snaps again, over petty stuff. And says sorry again. The cycle never ends (her mother is the same way and my wife hates it). This is becoming a big issue; any advice on dealing with it? I can't stand it.

try a electric shock collar... you know for yappy dogs because she is a b..ch.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's called a "love buster"... anger outbursts http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html

Is it cultural, for example my H and my BF are Italian and it is cultural. It's a little easier to control if you understand how your background plays a part. But my H also has anxiety and when it is anxiety induced it is a little more tricky.

We have a "code word"... for example "moon"... something I can say in public that nobody else understand, so my H can be shut up without being embarrassed. If I say the word he must immediately stop talking and we don't talk for about 20 minutes... or at least we change the subject, so he can calm down.

Now my kids will say "moon" when my H is being critical/angry etc.

It works for us.

They may be snapping because you have both a husband and a boyfriend.

Best friend

Anonymous wrote:It's called a "love buster"... anger outbursts http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3401_angry.html

Is it cultural, for example my H and my BF are Italian and it is cultural. It's a little easier to control if you understand how your background plays a part. But my H also has anxiety and when it is anxiety induced it is a little more tricky.

We have a "code word"... for example "moon"... something I can say in public that nobody else understand, so my H can be shut up without being embarrassed. If I say the word he must immediately stop talking and we don't talk for about 20 minutes... or at least we change the subject, so he can calm down.

Now my kids will say "moon" when my H is being critical/angry etc.

It works for us.

They may be snapping because you have both a husband and a boyfriend.

Coming from someone who has thyroid issues, it is a very real thing. It isn't an excuse but it is a medical issue. Treatment can be (and Is For me) incredibly difficult to get to the right combination. It's not as simple as just popping a pill every day.

Extra understanding can go a long way too (for better/worse...in sickness/health. Remember those?).

Anonymous wrote:OP she treats you with disrespect because you tolerate it. Impose consequences on her bad behavior or it won't change.

Amen. Right on the nose. Just like you have to do when dealing with children. I tolerated verbal/emotional abuse, aka "snapping", from DH for too many years. That made it "okay" to do. There were threats from me, but never any real consequences. It just gets worse, OP, unless there are very real and serious consequences. You must stick to those.

Agree with PPs on two points: (1) potentially medical/health-related. Certain meds can cause erratic behavior and mood swings (not just heavy meds, even something like prednisone for a bad virus can cause moodiness). Or if she has something biologic going on, she might need some medical checking in. (2) she might have a borderline anger management issue. Cognitive behavioral therapy may help where you are taught new ways to react.

Abusers generally don't change.

Good luck.

^^ also birth control pills. I used to blind rage on my old prescription, but stopped on a new one. Talk to the doctors first.