Anonymous wrote:My 18 yo son is a recent high school graduate and apparently a very frequent pot user. His older sister broke the news that this has been a long term habit. He has always been a bit high maintenance, but nothing like the last 18 months. He is unpleasant to be around, always annoyed with anything we say or do, etc. He has been in therapy for 6 months, but claims to be totally done with pot which we know is a lie. Our therapist indicates that we have to trust him and take him at face value. Our therapist also tells us that we need to try to get through the summer and try to launch him off to college with as little drama as possible. Our therapist says do not drug test him and do not search his room. See the bigger picture (relationship-wise). It's only pot. Thoughts?

My sisters son was the same, how they wish they had done things differently. Her H said it was only pot and it would straighten out in college. WRONG. He went downhill and fast. Fast forward three years later and he is a college drop out has moved from pot to oxycotin and barely holds down a job. At 23 they cannot do a thing or enforce any kind of treatment/therapy. How they WISH they had been tougher on him....take it from someone who watched them go through more pain than any parent should......do what you can NOW. The therapist is likely a frequent pot user herself and sees no harm, but todays pot is potent stuff and not to be taken lightly. Good luck. I would say pot use= no college. PERIOD.

Dad - Irrespective of whether DS was drinking a lot or doing pot, it is important to keep a conversation going of what reasonable expectations of behavior are for the college. He is going to have the combined issues of being a heavy pot user from what you indicate AND join the world of the heavy drinker on the usual college scene. I would imagine those two worlds coming together could have some rather negative impact. You might want to at least talk to him about making a choice for one or the other but not both. I saw your reference to moodiness and just trying to get through the day without an explosion which I attribute to DS, and I have to wonder if he does not have a tendency to a mental health issue even here and now of depression. It would be wise to alert his PCP to do a screening on the physical exam for college or talk to the therapist about doing so. Again, if there is an underlying condition, the pot is not helping it, but he may well be using it to mask it. I know you may be very sick of the attitude and moods, but try to step back and look at just who you are sending off to college - 50% bomb out the first year -- try and consider if there are any steps that you could take to prevent this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I use to know a pot head named Steve Jobs who did quite well for himself.

Needle in the haystack my friend.

Sir Richard Branson, Aaron Sorkin, Stephen King, Michael Bloomberg ,Barack Obama, Michael Phelps, Rick Steves, Ted Turner, Montel Williams Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Alexander Dumas, Carl Sagan, David Hockney, Francis Ford Coppella, Kary Mullis, Oscar Wilde, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Richard Feynman, Matt Damon and so many more. There are more needles then hay in the stack, my friend.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the info everyone. He has a job and makes all his own spending money. I will not give him a penny while I suspect he is smoking. He is sullen and miserable. Just getting through the day without some sort of explosion is the goal. Day to day. We are trying to see the big picture. Drug testing him is useless because we know he is using. He lies like he talks right now, nothing is honest with him. Hopefully college will be a new start for him. We have no fantasies about it, things could be just as bad there. These kids just believe that weed is No Big Deal.

It is not, I know you want a simple solution as to where you sweet kid went. He became a teenager, the moods more than likely have nothing to do with weed. This sounds like a trying time in your house, but blaming a substance that normally has the opposite effect than what you are describing has you still in denial. This is who your son is right now, the weed thing is just something you can blame it on to feel better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the therapist is NOT your son's parent. I'd drug test if I wanted to

Yes, of course. Then he starts smoking synthetic marijuana to beat your drug test and REALLY fucks himself up.

Another brilliant prohibitionist here.

I didn't say OP SHOULD drug test, I said if she WANTED to she has that right, the therapist is NOT this kids parent. Read for comprehension please

NP here, and was anyone mistaken about the therapist role? Do you often ignore advice from professionals and justify it based on your "rights", because this is 'Murica?! The therapist suggested not drug testing to bring peace and reach the end goal, as the parents OP can decide what she wants to do, what did your comment offer to help OP?

* you love him to the edge of the universe.

OP not sure if you've smoked much or for an extended period. It gets boring when you do it day in/day out all day, every day for years. It gets old and it stops making you feel good. Is bet your kid might keep it up for a bit but will ultimately chill it or on his own. Speak to him openly and honestly about how very different pot if from alcohol is from cocaine. Just speak to him honestly about your concerns but acknowledge he's an adult now. You can't help him if he's busted or if he flunks out - you can't help him if he tries their drugs and gets addicted. You live him to the ensue of the universe and back but you can't control him.

OP here. Thanks for all the info everyone. He has a job and makes all his own spending money. I will not give him a penny while I suspect he is smoking. He is sullen and miserable. Just getting through the day without some sort of explosion is the goal. Day to day. We are trying to see the big picture. Drug testing him is useless because we know he is using. He lies like he talks right now, nothing is honest with him. Hopefully college will be a new start for him. We have no fantasies about it, things could be just as bad there. These kids just believe that weed is No Big Deal.

^ this. So many productive, great people smoke pot. It'll be ok.

How does he afford it? Or are his friends giving it to him? I'd try cutting off the $$.

FWIW I was a huge pot head in college but still graduated with honors. When I became a parent I quit. It's likely he will grow out of it.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the therapist is NOT your son's parent. I'd drug test if I wanted to

Yes, of course. Then he starts smoking synthetic marijuana to beat your drug test and REALLY fucks himself up.

Another brilliant prohibitionist here.

I didn't say OP SHOULD drug test, I said if she WANTED to she has that right, the therapist is NOT this kids parent. Read for comprehension please

I actually think therapists advice is sound. DH was stoned or of his GD mind at 18. Totally sulky, sullen, miserable. You've got to let this one fly and hope he'll return to you with a little more experience under his belt. Pinning him down is only going to push him away.

For what it's worth. DH is a lovely man, amazing father, and pulls down $350K/year. He quit on his own - isn't a drug addict and won't even take a hit these days. If you raised hi right with an open mind, this is his journey to walk.

Anonymous wrote:What are his plans? Is he going to college in the fall? You mentioned him working and being difficult to live with. If he is working, could you tell him to find his own place to live if he wants to smoke pot?

OP is trying to have a good relationship with him.

What are his plans? Is he going to college in the fall? You mentioned him working and being difficult to live with. If he is working, could you tell him to find his own place to live if he wants to smoke pot?

Sister dealing with similar issues but her son is a college freshman in COLORADO.
His grades are good, great kid but still, too much pot smoking going on!