Anonymous
Post 06/08/2015 09:42     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My 13yr DD has a "special friend" her words, they don't hold hands, kiss etc... he just asked her if she wanted to go out. What ever that means at 13. Any way, I read a text from him and it said " Sean said you want it hard", her answer was that is gross. And then he said she was beautiful, blah blah blah. WTF! I want to confront both the boys, the one that said this and the one that texted this. I am not about boyfriends at 13, but I do know that in school I am not in control. I have talked with her plenty about boys and hormones and respect...what would you do. I am boiling mad!


I would leave Sean out of this, unless he is also sending explicit texts.

There are a couple of red flags for me, mom of a 17-year-old and a 12-year old (both boys). Two things are problematic for the rules in my house.

1. I have three rules about sex that I have drilled into my older son: Always wear a condom. No mean no, and drunk means no. Sex is a private thing between two people.

2. I have one rule about the internet/electronics: There is no privacy. There is no privacy on texting or emailing or messaging. Anything can be read by ANYONE. So sending sexually explicit information this way is inappropriate (because sex is a private thing, see above).

I would sit down to have a chat with DD, telling her that I am glad that she responded in an appropriate, non-explicit way. Not because sex is gross but because sexually explicit texts are not private and therefore are inappropriate. So hooray for her for being so smart and savvy.

Then I would tell her that it's a big problem that Friend is apparently not aware that there is no privacy in texting. It's a problem for her, because he has shown that he doesn't seem to want to protect her privacy, and it's a problem for him because he could get himself into big trouble. So as suggested above, I would be immediately contacting Friend's parents to let them know about this text. And I would also send a text back to the boy along the lines of, "This is Larla's mother. Sexually explicit texts are inappropriate."


This is a rational response. OP you need to calm down, especially if you come at the other parent like this they will feel that you are being hostile. Remember this kid could be just as clueless as your daughter and just repeating stuff he doesn't quite get yet in an effort to figure it all out too. It is highly inappropriate for lots of reasons but he's not some internet predator "after your baby", he's a kid too. He's going to make mistakes, this is a great learning moment!
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2015 08:30     Subject: Re:I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous



forgot to add one other thing, I am not going to call boys parents...yet. I have all the text and if it gets crazier or doesn't end, my very mean husband is going to have a talk with the boy first, then the parents.

This is stupid. Your husband is going to threaten a 13 year boy? Its time for you to be an adult. Tell your daughter you are reading her messages and you are concern about this boys inappropriate messages. If these messages and actions continue from this boy, you will talk to his parents.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2015 05:23     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


+1

She can handle herself.

Just make sure she can come to you and/or her father any time something makes her uncomfortable and she doesn't know how to deal with it.

And also that if there's something she's too embarrassed to discuss with you, the right person to talk to is a doctor. Not her friends, who probably know even less than her about whatever the topic is.

That were the rules I was brought up with, and they served me well.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2015 05:20     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:Damn, I'd respond: "This is Larla's mom. Stop sending sexually suggestive texts to her. I've copied this and will be sharing this with your parents as I'm guessing they're not okay with their son messaging girls with inappropriate comments."

I don't play.

--Mom of a 14 year old boy. And yes, I would want another parent to share this with me if my son texted a message like this. And I have checked my son's texts and would share sexually inappropriate messages with other parents.


Not OP, but thanks. That's how a mother of a son should act, instead of the old rigmarole "What? My little boy? Never! It was your little slut who provoked him!"
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 21:03     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
"Especially this very pushy boy." Talk to your husband or another male. How would they have handled the internet at 13/14/15? This boy isn't unique. He's a boy.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 21:01     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
You should drop to your knees and thank god that I read your post because I'm about to change some lives. First thing, your kid has the upper hand in your relationship. Tell her you read the post and take away the GD phone. Truth? It's much worse than you believe. Believe me she has sent and received much worse. All of you idiots. Your kids do not need iPhones or any other smart phones. Let me repeat, your kids do not need smart phones. Take the things away and get them flip phones. If you think your DD and DSs aren't watching porn and sharing inappropriate messages you're goofy.

If you allow your kid to sleep with their phone at night you're an idiot. Let me help you here.....anyone in the world can get in touch with your child. The internet is always open and if you don't think pedophiles use it you're stupid.

Passwords? Nope not for you. If you aren't a fool you have the passwords to everything your child is on. Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Heard of Yik Yak? Bet you haven't. You can block sharing of video messages and pictures and you can actually see who is texting your kid on your bill.

But why bother...no need to upset her/him. Just allow them to go out and get it hard at the first opportunity.

If all or some of this applies to you I hope I've offended you and you start acting like a parent and not a friend.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 18:59     Subject: Re:I read a text and wow! What to do now
forgot to add one other thing, I am not going to call boys parents...yet. I have all the text and if it gets crazier or doesn't end, my very mean husband is going to have a talk with the boy first, then the parents.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 18:58     Subject: Re:I read a text and wow! What to do now
this wasn't about if I should read her text, I really am not interested in the opinions of those that think I am wrong to do so. Take your blinders off! So, back to the subject..now he has texted her that he can't live with out her, she is best thing that has ever happened to him...I am so damn happy summer is almost here because they do not live anywhere close to each other. I told her this morning again, that under no circumstances can she have a boyfriend at 13, or date! Not going to happen in this house. If she wants to tell him in a nice way or blame us, up to her. Especially this very pushy boy
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 18:54     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


This. Really shocked at how little trust PPs have in their kids. Must not have very strong relationships if they feel the need to read all texts.


Many of us have children with ADHD or other things that make them less able to make mature decisions. It's not a question of having a great relationship, PP. Otherwise it would be easy!




Seriously, 13 year olds don't make mature decisions. Neither do 14 or 15 year olds. Thing is that, as OP has discovered, it's not only what your kids do, but what others send them and what they do with what gets sent. Just about every parent I know whose kids have reached HS age has seen their child send or forward an inappropriate photo. One of my kids got targeted by pedophiles who got a hold of his phone number and it took me weeks to get rid of them. No way could my 15 year old handle this. Parents who think they don't need to monitor text and internet usage are in denial.


This!
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 12:45     Subject: Re:I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:I also agree that you should leave it alone (and be proud of your daughter). Those advising you to tell the boys parents aren't telling you the downside of that advice: the boy could take out his anger on your daughter. I also disagree that children aren't entitled to privacy, I think reading their texts, if you don't have some evidence of a huge problem, is wrong.


How old are your children?
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 12:41     Subject: Re:I read a text and wow! What to do now
I also agree that you should leave it alone (and be proud of your daughter). Those advising you to tell the boys parents aren't telling you the downside of that advice: the boy could take out his anger on your daughter. I also disagree that children aren't entitled to privacy, I think reading their texts, if you don't have some evidence of a huge problem, is wrong.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 10:48     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


+1
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 10:45     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


This. Really shocked at how little trust PPs have in their kids. Must not have very strong relationships if they feel the need to read all texts.


Many of us have children with ADHD or other things that make them less able to make mature decisions. It's not a question of having a great relationship, PP. Otherwise it would be easy!




Seriously, 13 year olds don't make mature decisions. Neither do 14 or 15 year olds. Thing is that, as OP has discovered, it's not only what your kids do, but what others send them and what they do with what gets sent. Just about every parent I know whose kids have reached HS age has seen their child send or forward an inappropriate photo. One of my kids got targeted by pedophiles who got a hold of his phone number and it took me weeks to get rid of them. No way could my 15 year old handle this. Parents who think they don't need to monitor text and internet usage are in denial.


Yes, they are.
Anonymous
Post 06/07/2015 00:05     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


This. Really shocked at how little trust PPs have in their kids. Must not have very strong relationships if they feel the need to read all texts.


Many of us have children with ADHD or other things that make them less able to make mature decisions. It's not a question of having a great relationship, PP. Otherwise it would be easy!




Seriously, 13 year olds don't make mature decisions. Neither do 14 or 15 year olds. Thing is that, as OP has discovered, it's not only what your kids do, but what others send them and what they do with what gets sent. Just about every parent I know whose kids have reached HS age has seen their child send or forward an inappropriate photo. One of my kids got targeted by pedophiles who got a hold of his phone number and it took me weeks to get rid of them. No way could my 15 year old handle this. Parents who think they don't need to monitor text and internet usage are in denial.
Anonymous
Post 06/06/2015 23:57     Subject: I read a text and wow! What to do now
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your daughter handled it well and it sounds like you don't have anything to worry about. I would leave it alone.


This. Really shocked at how little trust PPs have in their kids. Must not have very strong relationships if they feel the need to read all texts.


Many of us have children with ADHD or other things that make them less able to make mature decisions. It's not a question of having a great relationship, PP. Otherwise it would be easy!