Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:48     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Hi OP. I'm the poster from your previous thread who has a Wiccan family member and posted a few times clarifying things based on my experience. I thought your other thread was great and hope this one stays similarly respectful. I am a grad student and recently wrote a paper on providing culturally competent therapy to transgender people that also involved a number of interviews with trans* friends and friends of friends. At this point, I am basically a straight married ciswoman, but earlier in life, I had girlfriends, some of whom were DMAB, so I'm familiar with being the partner of someone who is beginning HRT or considering surgery.

I don't have many questions, but here's one:

What is your relationship with your ex-wife like now? How did your father react to you coming out to him? Was your mother still alive at that time?

To what extent you are a trans* activist? Does your professional situation involve gender identity? Are you active politically? Do you participate in trans* focused social activities?
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:48     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)


I moved after I started transitioning, just to give myself a completely fresh start. My current job has only known me as a woman. Somebody I thought was a friend outed me to my boss, but my boss does not mind. I haven't told any coworkers.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:47     Subject: Re:I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
How old were your children when you transitioned? Do they see you as a second mother or as their father?

I apologize if the questions are offensive, but I am curious.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:46     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
How do your children cope with your transition?
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:46     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids and how is your relationship with them?


A middle schooler and a late elementary schooler. I have a great relationship with them. They're supportive of me. I keep an open dialogue with them about my transition so they know what to expect. They know that I'm still me, and they like having two moms. The younger one loves to help me shop, to dress me, and to do my makeup!
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:43     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:Do you feel like you "pass?"

If not, do you wish you'd started HRT younger?


I pass if I put a lot of work into it. I have long hair and wear makeup because society views that as feminine. I'd like to have short hair and never wear makeup because I'm lazy, but I'm more likely to be viewed as a man that way. HRT has given me breasts (I'm a B cup and very proud!) and has redistributed some of my fat, so my body is more feminine than it was.

I don't like to think about "what ifs". If I started HRT younger, I might not have had my second child.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:43     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you know you were transgendered before you were married? Is that why you got divorced? I assume you were straight during marriage?

Can you talk about the process of becoming transgendered? (more like when you came out to everyone?)


I knew something wasn't really right before I got married, but I was young and thought that things would sort themselves out as I aged. They didn't! Yes, I was straight (in that as a DMAB, I am attracted to people with vaginas and breasts). I now identify as a lesbian woman, but I'm more asexual now.

I came out to my wife and some of my closest friends. Some of my friends were supportive, and others I have not heard from since that conversation.


So interesting. This are really personal questions so feel free to ignore, but I'm curious so...

Would you have normal intercourse with a woman now or would that feel weird to you to use your penis in that way now that you've transitioned?
Would you consider dating another transgender woman (one that still has her penis)?


Thank you for answering!

I assume by "normal intercourse" you mean penis in vagina? It depends on what the woman I'm with wants. A big side effect of MtF HRT is a decreased libido, so I have very little interest in sex now. If I'm with a woman, there are many, many other ways to pleasure her without using my penis.

I'd be open to dating another transwoman! She would understand my experiences and we would obviously have a lot in common.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:41     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
If you were to date a cisgender woman who wanted biological children, would you consider stopping HRT long enough to get her pregnant?
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:39     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did you know you were transgendered before you were married? Is that why you got divorced? I assume you were straight during marriage?

Can you talk about the process of becoming transgendered? (more like when you came out to everyone?)


I knew something wasn't really right before I got married, but I was young and thought that things would sort themselves out as I aged. They didn't! Yes, I was straight (in that as a DMAB, I am attracted to people with vaginas and breasts). I now identify as a lesbian woman, but I'm more asexual now.

I came out to my wife and some of my closest friends. Some of my friends were supportive, and others I have not heard from since that conversation.


So interesting. This are really personal questions so feel free to ignore, but I'm curious so...

Would you have normal intercourse with a woman now or would that feel weird to you to use your penis in that way now that you've transitioned?
Would you consider dating another transgender woman (one that still has her penis)?


I assume by "normal intercourse" you mean penis in vagina? It depends on what the woman I'm with wants. A big side effect of MtF HRT is a decreased libido, so I have very little interest in sex now. If I'm with a woman, there are many, many other ways to pleasure her without using my penis.

I'd be open to dating another transwoman! She would understand my experiences and we would obviously have a lot in common.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:38     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Gaia wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think you are brave to do this.

I will admit I don't think this is the healthiest way to live ones life, but I am not in your shoes so I do my best to understand why you may choose to live your life this way.

Have you ever regretted doing this to yourself?

Do you have children? Do you want them?

Why do you still have male genitalia if you feel you are a woman?


Thank you, PP. I understand your viewpoint, and appreciate that you are willing to take steps towards understanding.

I didn't "do this to myself". I made the choice to accept it and make changes to my life to reflect my true self, which I guess is a small sementic difference but one that I think is important. No, I do not regret it.

I do have children. I have a tween and an elementary schooler. My ex has custody of them, but I see them frequently. I'm not able to have any more biological children (side effect of the HRT).

I still have male genitalia because SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) is expensive. It's at least $20k for a MtF (male to female) reconstructive. I do not have that kind of money. I'm also pretty attached to my penis. It's been part of me my whole life, and has brought me sexual pleasure many times. Even though the sex with it felt...wrong, somehow, I still enjoyed it. I don't feel like I need a vagina to be a woman.


Thank you for answering. I am sorry for wording my questions wrong. As I said I am still learning.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:37     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
How was the response at your work - assuming you were a male when hired and are still at the same place since you officially transitioned? (You may not be)
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:36     Subject: Re:I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:How do you feel about Caitlyn Jenner? Kristen Beck? Do you think all this media attention is helpful or harmful?

BTW, I think it's very brave to try and live your authentic life, even though it is so much more difficult.


I adore Laverne Cox. I think she's a wonderful spokesperson. I think that any kind of viability of transgender people is wonderful, but I think that the media only showcasing privileged people who have the resources to have surgery (including facial reconstruction and breast augmentation) can be harmful to the many trans people who will never be able to look as good, or dress as good, as these celebrities.

Here's a great article that talks more about that: http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/06/trans-activists-need-to-remember-indp-of-jenner/
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:34     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
I apologize for derailing the OP's thread into a discussion of PIV intercourse.
Gaia
Post 06/05/2015 12:33     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Anonymous wrote:I think you are brave to do this.

I will admit I don't think this is the healthiest way to live ones life, but I am not in your shoes so I do my best to understand why you may choose to live your life this way.

Have you ever regretted doing this to yourself?

Do you have children? Do you want them?

Why do you still have male genitalia if you feel you are a woman?


Thank you, PP. I understand your viewpoint, and appreciate that you are willing to take steps towards understanding.

I didn't "do this to myself". I made the choice to accept it and make changes to my life to reflect my true self, which I guess is a small sementic difference but one that I think is important. No, I do not regret it.

I do have children. I have a tween and an elementary schooler. My ex has custody of them, but I see them frequently. I'm not able to have any more biological children (side effect of the HRT).

I still have male genitalia because SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) is expensive. It's at least $20k for a MtF (male to female) reconstructive. I do not have that kind of money. I'm also pretty attached to my penis. It's been part of me my whole life, and has brought me sexual pleasure many times. Even though the sex with it felt...wrong, somehow, I still enjoyed it. I don't feel like I need a vagina to be a woman.
Anonymous
Post 06/05/2015 12:32     Subject: I'm Transgender. Come talk to me!
Do you feel like you "pass?"

If not, do you wish you'd started HRT younger?