Anonymous wrote:The 3-4 age is far worse than the "terrible twos". 3.5 years in between will save your sanity.

Depends on kid.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't get to stuck on an ideal spacing. You have no idea if it will work out that way or not, even if you got pregnant quickly/easily the first time.

Our kids would have been a little over 4 years apart if things had worked out the way we'd planned. We preferred a bit closer, but for job reasons, we put it off a bit.

Since then, I had two losses. So, the closest possibly our kids will be (if we are able to have a second child) is 5.5 years.

Not the plan, but the universe didn't like my plan.

This is OP. I hope that the universe has something even better planned for you. Thanks for your comment.

I wouldn't get to stuck on an ideal spacing. You have no idea if it will work out that way or not, even if you got pregnant quickly/easily the first time.

Our kids would have been a little over 4 years apart if things had worked out the way we'd planned. We preferred a bit closer, but for job reasons, we put it off a bit.

Since then, I had two losses. So, the closest possibly our kids will be (if we are able to have a second child) is 5.5 years.

Not the plan, but the universe didn't like my plan.

The 3-4 age is far worse than the "terrible twos". 3.5 years in between will save your sanity.

Agree that you can't plan the gaps exactly. I have a sister who is 14 mos older than me, and I wanted two back-to-back myself. Then I couldn't get pregnant until DD was 21 months (took about a year), so they are 2.5 years apart. Of course, just my luck, when I finally did get pregnant, DS was born on December 26- pretty much the worst birthday in the world! (I know, I know- first world problems.)

Anyway, ended up being super glad for the longer-than-planned gap. If you only want 2, then maybe you could start trying when the gap would be about 2 years 8 months or whatever you think you can live with, and skip trying the month(s) you don't want to (so when the gap would be 2 y 11 months through 3 y 2 months or whatever it is you want). Gives you a few more "chances" without having another winter baby.

Good luck!

It took us over a year to get pregnant with #2, so we have ended up with almost a four year age gap. Fertility varies, but it is something to consider. I was 34.

We are just a few weeks into life with two and I echo that our DS is significantly more independent. He can get himself a cup of water, go potty and wash his hands, be left alone for 15-20 minutes while he watches a show if need be. It is really handy now. I think it will be harder in some ways when they are older and their interests and abilities might not overlap as closely as we would want, but honestly we were just thrilled to get DD.

By the time they are in middle school it will not matter.

Plus, it's not like you have the ability to choose: sometimes 2.5 turns into 3.5 while you're trying...

I wouldn't sweat the details of the difference between 2.5 and 3.5 years. If you're planning on having two, just do it the best you can. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:My children are 1 min apart so of course I can't answer but I can offer a specific answer. But I can offer the closer they are in age, certain stages are more intense then it is over. Certain stages are intense, but whatever stage they are going through is over quickly.

I had 3 years of diaper changes. My brother with a 2.5yo and one due very soon will have about 5 years of diaper changing. My best friend with 3 kids perfectly spaced 3 years apart had 9 years of diaper changing.

+1

Mine are not quite 3 years apart (2 yrs 10 months) and it was pretty much perfect. The older was potty trained, into a big girl bed, etc well before the baby was born so there were no problems with feeling like the baby forced changes in her life. She's old enough to understand that she needs to be gentle and that she needs to keep certain toys away from him (now that he's mobile). Also old enough that she can entertain herself for a bit while I'm busy with the baby.

Yet they're still close enough in age that I'm hopeful that they can play together as they get older. Right now they adore each other--so hopefully that will continue. I'm younger by a big gap from my sisters and I always wanted a closer aged sibling.

In your scenario, I would start TTC aiming for about 2.5 and see how it goes.

I have a a 3 month old and 2 year old. They are exactly 2 years, 1 month apart. This time around we got pregnant quickly and I was scared at how hard it might be! It was VERY tough the first 2 months - 2 year old acting out, just entering "terrible two's" and a bit jealous. We persisted and encouraged lots of him helping etc and now I am so warmed to see his growing love for her. He is constantly kissing her, very protective and proud. I'm excited to have them close together in school (DS starts preschool this September). it is challenging but getting to be so much fun.

These are things to think about: we will have to transition 2 year old to toddler bed just as baby is beginning to sleep more consistently. We'll be potty training the 2 year old when baby is still a handful. I don't kind as I'm the type that, once in baby phase, would rather get through it instead of adjusting to an easier way and starting over again .... But obviously others are in a different camp!

My sister is 5 years younger and, while we are fairly close now, I always wished we were closer in age as children!

Best of luck - you can't go wrong....

I am beyond thrilled we waited to get pregnant with #2 when DC1 had just turned 3 years old. they are 3 months shy of 4 years apart. it works beautifully for us, because DC1 feels like a big girl and helps with the baby. absolutely ZERO jealously. DC1 is in preschool every morning, so I get alone time with the baby. I also cannot imagine having 2 in diapers at once (or potty training one while having an infant).

Thanks for this thread OP. I am in the exact same boat. DH wants the 3.5 year gap and I am leaning towards the 2.5 year gap. We are doing OK (not fabulous) financially and DH would like to minimize the amount of time that we are paying for 2 daycares/preschools at the same time. We will pretty much break even financially while doing this (no saving $ during this time). I argue it's the same amount of $ in the long run but I do see his point. DS is a winter baby and I REALLY don't want to have another winter baby either so we're aiming for spring/summer though I realize planning exactly is difficult (had a m/c before DS). Anyways, no advice but I go back and forth as well!

My children are 1 min apart so of course I can't answer but I can offer a specific answer. But I can offer the closer they are in age, certain stages are more intense then it is over. Certain stages are intense, but whatever stage they are going through is over quickly.

I had 3 years of diaper changes. My brother with a 2.5yo and one due very soon will have about 5 years of diaper changing. My best friend with 3 kids perfectly spaced 3 years apart had 9 years of diaper changing.

Anonymous wrote:If you're fine with 2.5 years, I'd start trying now. I got pregnant on the first try the first, second, and third times, but the second pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. You just never know. I don't think it makes sense to try to time children so precisely.

Very good point here. Miscarriages are very common, and it can take a while physically and/or emotionally to get pregnant after one. Other unexpected things can happen as well. I hope you have an easy path, but I wouldn't count on being able to plan timing.