Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 15:19     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:the rule is have them all before 40. You should be ok.


Hmmmm.

I had my second child the month after I turned 38.

We decided to stop and it was the best decision for us.

Two boys that get aling fantastically. I see what's involved 7 years out and a third would kill us. We are very relaxed currently.

This weekends calendar includes 5 kid Bday parties, a rec soccer game, a travel soccer game, swim lessons for 1, a training session for 1.

We can divide and conquer --but if we had another younger one in tow--no way.

We also have 2 cross-country vacations this summer and some short trips which are relaxing because the 7 and 9.5 yr old can take care of themselves and play really well together.

Do think long term. You will be much more tired in your mid-40s even if you take fantastic. Care of yourself. I see friends with the third and they collectively tell me how much harder it is.


I agree with this totally. I laugh that all the parents who say that having 3 is no different than 2 have young kids. Well, of course!!!! At that age, there is very little difference. If you have 2 toddlers/preschoolers and an infant, it's not very different than 1 toddler/preschooler and an infant.
Wait until the kids are all school aged and you're trying to keep up with the social needs of 3 kids. It's exhausting. We can easily have 3 parties and 5 sporting events every weekend and we have 3 open houses a week at school. Add in playdates and school performances and music lessons and it's crazy with 3. And sure you can say, "well my kids won't be doing all that stuff". Just wait, the culture around here parents like that. It is very hard to tell your kids "No you can't play soccer" or "No you can't go ice skating with your friends" or "No you can't go to the 2 parties you've been invited to this weekend" or "no I won't be at your open house this week even though you tell me all the other parents are".
Honestly I can't stress enough. Having 3 kids is easy when they're young. It's a whole different game of crazy once they're school aged and have busy lives.



+100

I think I am the only responder with older kids.

I am the youngest of 3 (and even though I'm the favorite)- my mom says there's no way she'd have 3 today. Times are different.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 15:06     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
I quickly surmised that I would be divorced if I had a third. While one might have gotten in right under the 40 year old deadline, I really don't think my marriage can handle the stress of the newborn/infant period again. My career is finally getting back on track (I spent a year home when my second was born) and I finally feel like I'm getting my body back. And my marriage is improving dramatically because it gets massively easier from a pure fatigue perspective. Yes, there's more to do, but they are sleeping through the night and going to daycare and we are right in that sweet spot where you don't have endless play dates or parties.

Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 14:37     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Three is very hard for us. But we both work full time and have no family nearby. If you have a SAH parent, lots of money/resources, and help its a lot easier. Note the need for a bigger car and house.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 11:43     Subject: Re:How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It looks like a disaster of epic proportions from the outside. I have several friends with 3 kids. I know they love their kids and profess to be happy, but it looks like a lot more yuck than yay.


I agree with this. I find every family I know with three children VERY stressful from an outside perspective. Exhausting (and I'll admit here, not to them) often embarrassing in public. No fault of the parents but you just can't be in control when you are outnumbered. I know people will take offense to this but I really do not know a single family with three where this is not the case.


Really??
Two of our closest friends have three kids each. One set of parents is really introverted, the other set is loud and outgoing. Despite very different personalities of the parents and kids, both families function very well. The kids are just as well behaved as our two, and the parents are just as in control as we are. And believe me, we've spent a ton of time with these families (including vacations), and our friendship is deep enough that I know it's no facade -- they really do function well.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 11:27     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
We have 1, 3, 5. As well as:

3bd, 1ba house; fenced back yard; minivan; flexible work schedules; nanny; in-laws nearby; walkable amenities, including schools; no health or financial problems (knock wood).

The transition to 3 was both easier and just as hard as the transition to 2. You already have 0 downtime and know how to multitask, so you're set up well from that standpoint. But it does put you back to square 1 with a newborn. If you're mentally and physically prepared for that, it's wonderful. The baby is an absolute delight to everyone in our family, and we can already see how wonderful the multiplied relationships are.

Going back to square 1, though, is exhausting. Not gonna lie.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 10:58     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
PPs mentioned about social commitments for three, but keeping track of the homework itself drives me bonkers. The expectation from schools now is that parents will assist wit and monitor homework completion. I just can't do this so I'm sure the teachers think I'm a total loser as a parent but it's pretty impossible to keep track of 3 sets of homework after getting home from work.
Agree with others it was easy when the littlest was a baby--babies don't fight or pick sides! Now there's often someone excluded or one mad at another--exhausting.
Some kids can share rooms but it depends in your gender split and temperament. If you get bad sleepers, room sharing is sort of a disaster.
I'm from a huge family-my mom says she could never do it given the expectations for current parents re supervision, safety, etc. She used to just let the dog watch the babies in the backyard playpen...
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 10:24     Subject: Re:How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It looks like a disaster of epic proportions from the outside. I have several friends with 3 kids. I know they love their kids and profess to be happy, but it looks like a lot more yuck than yay.


I agree with this. I find every family I know with three children VERY stressful from an outside perspective. Exhausting (and I'll admit here, not to them) often embarrassing in public. No fault of the parents but you just can't be in control when you are outnumbered. I know people will take offense to this but I really do not know a single family with three where this is not the case.


I know one family with 3 who isn't like this but they are Swedish and I swear their kids are robots. These are the kids who sit quietly and eat shit like salmon and beetroot with zero complaints.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 10:11     Subject: Re:How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
We only wanted two, but ended up with twins the second time. They are two, and we have a four-year-old. It is so hard! One person can manage two, but being alone with all three is awful. It's not quality time. My four-year-old needs help with writing, but if I try to sit down with him one of the twins will come and butt in and he gets upset. They constantly pick at each other and someone is always crying. We can't even split up for errands on the weekends so nothing ever gets done. We both work and are exhausted at the end of the weekend. Everyone says it will get easier, but I just see it getting harder with more activities. I feel like I'm not giving anyone enough time or attention. Sorry for the rant, but it's pretty bad with three right now!
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 10:04     Subject: Re:How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:It looks like a disaster of epic proportions from the outside. I have several friends with 3 kids. I know they love their kids and profess to be happy, but it looks like a lot more yuck than yay.


I agree with this. I find every family I know with three children VERY stressful from an outside perspective. Exhausting (and I'll admit here, not to them) often embarrassing in public. No fault of the parents but you just can't be in control when you are outnumbered. I know people will take offense to this but I really do not know a single family with three where this is not the case.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 09:55     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Unless you are really rich, the 3 is when you start having to give up on saving for college, sharing rooms/bathroom getting cramped and it will age you greatly.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 09:53     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:the rule is have them all before 40. You should be ok.


Hmmmm.

I had my second child the month after I turned 38.

We decided to stop and it was the best decision for us.

Two boys that get aling fantastically. I see what's involved 7 years out and a third would kill us. We are very relaxed currently.

This weekends calendar includes 5 kid Bday parties, a rec soccer game, a travel soccer game, swim lessons for 1, a training session for 1.

We can divide and conquer --but if we had another younger one in tow--no way.

We also have 2 cross-country vacations this summer and some short trips which are relaxing because the 7 and 9.5 yr old can take care of themselves and play really well together.

Do think long term. You will be much more tired in your mid-40s even if you take fantastic. Care of yourself. I see friends with the third and they collectively tell me how much harder it is.


I agree with this totally. I laugh that all the parents who say that having 3 is no different than 2 have young kids. Well, of course!!!! At that age, there is very little difference. If you have 2 toddlers/preschoolers and an infant, it's not very different than 1 toddler/preschooler and an infant.
Wait until the kids are all school aged and you're trying to keep up with the social needs of 3 kids. It's exhausting. We can easily have 3 parties and 5 sporting events every weekend and we have 3 open houses a week at school. Add in playdates and school performances and music lessons and it's crazy with 3. And sure you can say, "well my kids won't be doing all that stuff". Just wait, the culture around here parents like that. It is very hard to tell your kids "No you can't play soccer" or "No you can't go ice skating with your friends" or "No you can't go to the 2 parties you've been invited to this weekend" or "no I won't be at your open house this week even though you tell me all the other parents are".
Honestly I can't stress enough. Having 3 kids is easy when they're young. It's a whole different game of crazy once they're school aged and have busy lives.

Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 09:22     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:You can't fit 3 5-point britax seats across in any type of sedan. I have tried and tried. Boosters are more realistic for three across.


there exist narrower seats than britax.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 09:03     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
You can't fit 3 5-point britax seats across in any type of sedan. I have tried and tried. Boosters are more realistic for three across.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 07:39     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
Anonymous wrote:the rule is have them all before 40. You should be ok.


Hmmmm.

I had my second child the month after I turned 38.

We decided to stop and it was the best decision for us.

Two boys that get aling fantastically. I see what's involved 7 years out and a third would kill us. We are very relaxed currently.

This weekends calendar includes 5 kid Bday parties, a rec soccer game, a travel soccer game, swim lessons for 1, a training session for 1.

We can divide and conquer --but if we had another younger one in tow--no way.

We also have 2 cross-country vacations this summer and some short trips which are relaxing because the 7 and 9.5 yr old can take care of themselves and play really well together.

Do think long term. You will be much more tired in your mid-40s even if you take fantastic. Care of yourself. I see friends with the third and they collectively tell me how much harder it is.
Anonymous
Post 05/29/2015 07:10     Subject: How hard is it to have a 3 kids?
My kids are 5,3 and7 mos. I love having three kids. Is it a lot of work? Yes, but having 1 kid is a lot of work!!! You just adjust. We do not have a minivan, btw. It would certainly be nice, but you can but 3 across and the world will keep turning.