We listen to NPR on the way home, or some music. I ask a few general or specific questions but don't expect much of an answer. Once at home, DS needs some downtime. A snack and about 30 min to surf the net and relax. Then he starts his homework. The author of Masterminds and Wingmen interviewed a bunch of teen boys and heard a lot of them say they have a hard time processing answers to questions about their day, especially general ones, and would rather chill out in silence. They are tired after school.

Anonymous wrote:Q "who wasn't at school today?"
A from tween "everyone, why?"
Q " IDK just asking"
A from tween " that's dumb"
pause for a while
A from tween "Larla had to leave early to go to the doctor. She claims she broke her finger but I think she is faking."
continue on conversation with more tidbits from tween's day.

I would have never guessed that this would have turned out to be such a good conversation starter.

That's funny! I do that with my ES kid also. Get interesting stories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk in the car.....

This, particularly with boys and sensitive topics. They are captive and don't have to make eye contact.

Or drive them somewhere with friends and don't say a word. They forget you are in the car.

Anonymous wrote:We just had a lecture at my daughter's middle school and the lady was great. She said "don't ask questions after school." Make statements that bring down the stress. It is nice to see you. Talk about a funny story you had. Mention summer activities etc... Let them have downtime. They are more likely to come to you if you back off.

Who was the speaker? Sounds like a great talk.