Anonymous wrote:DS is 16, a junior in high school, and has been with his girlfriend since September. Both are good kids, excellent students and both involved in extracurricular activities that give them little free time... but the girlfriend has very lax parents and no curfew or rules and her parents are often out of town.

Should I just assume they are having sex? Is this something that parents generally ask their kids?

No you have a conversation going at all times about birth control

And I’d dam sure leave condoms in his room

How is this hard ?

Assume he is. He can buy his condoms. Nothing to ask.

I always used the pull out method and things turned out fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?

Given that he is growing up, yes, he needs to learn to be responsible for all of these. Making sure a teen is capable of cooking himself healthy, nutritious food and letting him feel how sluggish and sick he feels when he chooses to eat just junk food for a week? It works a charm! MAking sure that kids grow up knowing that they will accept all positive and negative consequences for their behavior, intended or accidental? Imperative.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?

Do you ask your children how often they masturbate? Sexual activity is private.

When it involves my minor child interacting with another minor child who is (presumably) still living at home with parents, no ma'am, it is not.

Yes, ma'am - it is. We will not agree on this point so let's let it go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?

Do you ask your children how often they masturbate? Sexual activity is private.

When it involves my minor child interacting with another minor child who is (presumably) still living at home with parents, no ma'am, it is not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few adults who are having sex are ready to accept the responsibility of raising a child.

Not that this negates the point at all.

It just points out what a stupid thing to say that truly is.

Anonymous wrote:Very few adults who are having sex are ready to accept the responsibility of raising a child.

Not that this negates the point at all.

If you asked him and he said yes - what advice would you give him?

Don't ask and just give him that same advice. (BTW of course they are having sex!)

I think you can talk about general things without straight up asking him. General things meaning issues of respect for women, etc. etc. You could say "if you are having sex I hope you are using birth control, but more than that, there are other issues that come up when teenagers have sex" and talk about them in the abstract.
Or, use various news reports to talk with him...there are always stories about sexting, or drinking, etc.
Even "good" kids can get into trouble if they are drinking and their friends are there and its a bad scene. We need to talk about this stuff openly with teens, not in a judgmental way.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
18 year old DS has never had sex and has zero desire to.


That's okay, too. He is too young to think of it as a problem yet.



Ummm really zero desire to do so? I would be worried about that!

I would find it worrisome that his mother knows too much about his sexual desires, or thinks she should - or he thinks she should
I find a lot disturbing about this ~

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?

Do you ask your children how often they masturbate? Sexual activity is private.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?

Not OP but our intimate sex lives are not same as our diet, driving record, etc...

Do not ask. Assume they are. Would be strange if they aren't. Buy condoms for him and leave them in his room.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DS knows how to use a condom (DH gave him the full safe-sex tutorial with props) and is a generally responsible kid.

For the record, DH feels it is our son's business and we shouldn't ask. I want to know but don't actually know what I would say if/when DS says "yes".

Is it your son's business whether or not he eats healthily, drives responsibly, doesn't drink stupidly at a young age, goes to school every day on time and gets respectable grades, gets medical attention when necessary, has a roof over his head, recognizes and respects his family's heritage and place in the community, interacts appropriately with family and others, doesn't lie, cheat or steal, chooses friends wisely, etc etc etc?