Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what it comes down to is your mom gets to visit when you want to/are ready for her to visit. Don't feel guilty about that AT ALL.

Smart grandmas know the key to frequent invitations is to be helpful, non-judgmental and, most of all, never accuse their daughter of keeping grandchildren away from them.

Can we put that on a coffee mug or something?

Hahaha! It applies to sons too. My MIL last summer accused DH of keeping our daughter away from them when we rejected a specific date for a visit and suggested one about two weeks later (and made available the entire following month+ to them). In her mind, it's our fault they don't get to see their grandchildren (now we have 2) since we moved across the country for jobs. Never mind the fact that when she made this claim we had gone back to visit them three times with no return visits from them and they are both retired and have the means. But no, it's DH's fault.

OP, just be nice, but firm. Set the boundaries as other poster said. "We will be ready on x date", or, "we'd like to invite you on x, y, and z weekends..... etc

Anonymous wrote:OP - what it comes down to is your mom gets to visit when you want to/are ready for her to visit. Don't feel guilty about that AT ALL.

Smart grandmas know the key to frequent invitations is to be helpful, non-judgmental and, most of all, never accuse their daughter of keeping grandchildren away from them.

Can we put that on a coffee mug or something?

Anonymous wrote:Your mom is proving that you need a break from her. She's being unreasonable. Grandparents are not entitled to grandchildren visits, and it sounds like al of you need some time off, DH and mom and dad and you. Your mom isn't concerned about what's best for your daughter or you, just herself. Refuse to engage with her guilt trip.

+1.

I think there is one person on here parroting back that they think the OP is mean. I have a feeling it's OP's mother...

Stand your ground, be kind and loving where/when you can, ignore the guilt trips.

Your mom is proving that you need a break from her. She's being unreasonable. Grandparents are not entitled to grandchildren visits, and it sounds like al of you need some time off, DH and mom and dad and you. Your mom isn't concerned about what's best for your daughter or you, just herself. Refuse to engage with her guilt trip.

OP - what it comes down to is your mom gets to visit when you want to/are ready for her to visit. Don't feel guilty about that AT ALL.

Smart grandmas know the key to frequent invitations is to be helpful, non-judgmental and, most of all, never accuse their daughter of keeping grandchildren away from them.

Anonymous wrote:16:59, one does not put their parents or in-laws to work when they visit.

Which is why my original suggestion was that my MIL visit less frequently when I would have the time and energy to host her the way she had been accustomed to. My wife spoke to her mother and her mother offered to help out in order to be able to visit more frequently. But it was her choice whether to visit less frequently or help out in order to visit more frequently. We just put together the list of tasks and she did what she could from the task list to help out while she was visiting.