Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:36     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Is it about the money, is it about the personality, or is it about the "drive"? Which one of those three, if changed, would make you happy?

Listen, you picked him. I think it's you that needs an attitude adjustment, not him that needs to change.


He just generally lacks initiative and drags his feet a lot before all major decisions. It took him a long time to date me, a long time to finally propose to me and now his money issues are hindering my dream of having a house. He's a sweet guy and he works hard but not smart. He doesn't really have a plan.


So in effect OP is upset with her choice for a man, and she played the classic 'the man is the plan'.

You make $110k, which can definitely afford a cute house in Silver Spring or Gaithersburg. What's your beef?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:34     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.


Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.


That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.

But based on your own description of him, he's never been the grab life by the balls type, and this was evident in his courtship of you. So why are you surprised now? What did you think would happen?


Well I was young and naive. He talked the talk. Everything I was looking for:

A.good character
B.desire to get married and loved children
C.good relations with his family
D. Very erudite and well educated.
E. Talked of wanting to take care of his family


Etc.
Those talks I found out, aren't bs led up by action. He said he wanted to get married but waiting a long time to propose, etc.

So he has good intentions, he is just so slow and unmotivated to go get what he wants and muses about.

This is one reason it's wise to get married a little later rather than doing everything you can to 'land' a husband in your mid 20's- you'll have time to see more of how they turn out, if they do what they say they will do, if they realize some of that potential you're banking on.
I realize it's too late for you in this regard OP, but something other women should consider.


I disagree with this post. It sounds like OP married her DH for the right reasons, but SHE is the one whose priorities have changed, for the worse. And women complain about men objectifying them, this is just as bad.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:31     Subject: Re:I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:

I understand that. I'm currently thinking of ways to exit my dead end non profit job.


Sounds like an excuse. Why don't you grab life by the balls and make it happen?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:28     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.


Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.


That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.


OK, and perhaps he used his education and intelligence to overcome his irrational belief that his life would be better if he modified his behavior to be more focused on his salary. Is he happy with his life? If he is, he is doing things correctly.


I'm sure he isn't, married to her.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:28     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guarantee you he's unhappy with you too, OP.

For the third time (and I know you're reading these posts since you answer others) how much do YOU make?


I already said I'm in a non profit. I make 40k


And why is he required to make more money than you are? Seems you're making way less than he is.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:27     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:I always love these posts. "Well I knew exactly what he was like before we got married but now I don't respect him". Your poor husband. Women like you are pretty pathetic.


Amen
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:23     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.


Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.


That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.


OK, and perhaps he used his education and intelligence to overcome his irrational belief that his life would be better if he modified his behavior to be more focused on his salary. Is he happy with his life? If he is, he is doing things correctly.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 12:19     Subject: I don't respect my husband
OP, it's a common mistake to put your own shortcomings on others. If you want more money, concentrate on developing your career. This is about you. No one is holding you back but yourself.

Your husband sounds great other than being a big moneymaker. You say he excels in his field. There are probably plenty of women out there who would snap him up and appreciate his qualities. They'd be women who either don't put as much emphasis on money as you do, or women who make enough money themselves.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:44     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:Guarantee you he's unhappy with you too, OP.

For the third time (and I know you're reading these posts since you answer others) how much do YOU make?


I already said I'm in a non profit. I make 40k
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:41     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Guarantee you he's unhappy with you too, OP.

For the third time (and I know you're reading these posts since you answer others) how much do YOU make?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:39     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.


Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.


That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.

But based on your own description of him, he's never been the grab life by the balls type, and this was evident in his courtship of you. So why are you surprised now? What did you think would happen?


Well I was young and naive. He talked the talk. Everything I was looking for:

A.good character
B.desire to get married and loved children
C.good relations with his family
D. Very erudite and well educated.
E. Talked of wanting to take care of his family


Etc.
Those talks I found out, aren't bs led up by action. He said he wanted to get married but waiting a long time to propose, etc.

So he has good intentions, he is just so slow and unmotivated to go get what he wants and muses about.

This is one reason it's wise to get married a little later rather than doing everything you can to 'land' a husband in your mid 20's- you'll have time to see more of how they turn out, if they do what they say they will do, if they realize some of that potential you're banking on.
I realize it's too late for you in this regard OP, but something other women should consider.


It's really hard to distinguish between the guys that are keepers versus those that look like they are especially when they're around 25. That's when I met my dh and over the last 4 years he seems less like what I thought he'd be like.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:39     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Well, if he was confident and made more money (as he was "groomed" to do)---then he probably would have married someone higher on the rung in the dating market than you.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:34     Subject: I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find OP's post funny since 70K is coincidentally the threshold above which additional money does not seem to correlate with happiness. It seems like her husband is actually working quite smart.


Please. you have to be a real fool to have collected 2 degrees with honors and still manage to only make as much as an executive secretary.


That's what I mean. He's graduated from really well respected private schools. He was groomed to do so much more.

But based on your own description of him, he's never been the grab life by the balls type, and this was evident in his courtship of you. So why are you surprised now? What did you think would happen?


Well I was young and naive. He talked the talk. Everything I was looking for:

A.good character
B.desire to get married and loved children
C.good relations with his family
D. Very erudite and well educated.
E. Talked of wanting to take care of his family


Etc.
Those talks I found out, aren't bs led up by action. He said he wanted to get married but waiting a long time to propose, etc.

So he has good intentions, he is just so slow and unmotivated to go get what he wants and muses about.

This is one reason it's wise to get married a little later rather than doing everything you can to 'land' a husband in your mid 20's- you'll have time to see more of how they turn out, if they do what they say they will do, if they realize some of that potential you're banking on.
I realize it's too late for you in this regard OP, but something other women should consider.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:31     Subject: Re:I don't respect my husband
Anonymous wrote:OP, I know that to have what I want in life we needed to have a much higher HHI level than what my husband alone could provide due to his field, personality and interests. To rectify that problem I left government and found a much higher paying job in the private sector. Problem solved.

You can only control your own actions so if you want a better/bigger house get a higher paying job. Your current path of complaining is not going to get you what you want.


I understand that. I'm currently thinking of ways to exit my dead end non profit job.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 11:30     Subject: Re:I don't respect my husband
OP, I know that to have what I want in life we needed to have a much higher HHI level than what my husband alone could provide due to his field, personality and interests. To rectify that problem I left government and found a much higher paying job in the private sector. Problem solved.

You can only control your own actions so if you want a better/bigger house get a higher paying job. Your current path of complaining is not going to get you what you want.