Anonymous
Post 05/20/2015 15:09     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16


Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.


Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.



This, times a billion.


I think there are a lot of people who agree with this statement and parent the same way, but have a different comfort level with the "start" age of it all. Personally, I use this approach too but I don't want to start at 12, I prefer HS.


The problem is the mom's perception that it is a "date" ... she called it a "date" not the boy. He asked if he can go to the movies with girls. I wonder why it is such a big deal to go somewhere with girls.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2015 14:53     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16


Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.


Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.



This, times a billion.


I think there are a lot of people who agree with this statement and parent the same way, but have a different comfort level with the "start" age of it all. Personally, I use this approach too but I don't want to start at 12, I prefer HS.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2015 13:24     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16


Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.


Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.



This, times a billion.
Anonymous
Post 05/20/2015 06:11     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:

+2 If they start dating at 12 just what do you think they are doing by the time they are 14/15? Sex is the normal/natural progression of a romantic relationship.

Will you be prepared to deal with teen pregnancy? Most 14 year old teen boys these days don't do their own laundry or pack their own lunches. They are simply Not ready for sex and all the responsibilities that come with it.


The same things that everybody else is doing by the time they are 14/15, which for most people does not include having sex in the Bill Clinton definition. 84% of 15-year-olds have not had intercourse.

http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html

Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 23:22     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16


Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.


Not in my house, while I am monitoring what is going on. This is not a they head down the basement and I see them two hours later situation. It's a stay in eye sight of an adult one, complete with Duggar style chaperoning-- at home and in public. I suppose I could say no contact at all until 16, but I feel more comfortable with kids gradually earring freedom and learning responsibility. And in our house, You earn the freedom to go on a "date"-- that is be alone in public, no earlier than 16, and once you've shown you are responsible enough. I doubt we'll ever okay e tended perIons of alone time at home-- or at least before college.

Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 22:51     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either


They got pregnant at movie theaters?


Sometimes but it is usually just handjobs
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 22:49     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16


Sorry but that is completely inappropriate. If they stay together, they will be banging by 14.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 22:38     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
I had a boyfriend at 12 he was 13. We would hold hands and kiss. We used to seat together on the bus and sometimes we would kiss but the other kids on the bus told their parents and we were then forbidden to kiss there. My mom started to get paranoid about our relationship thinking that it was going to progress into sex and began to police his visits, my outings to the point that we had to break-up. For me, it was heartbreaking and embarrassing. I felt ashamed afterwards and never had a boyfriend until I was 20. I think that my whole adolescence was stolen.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 22:09     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Way too young!
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 18:25     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
DS, 13, has had a "girlfriend" for a year. He can call and text her, and they are Google + friends and email-- but we monitor his accounts and have never hidden from him that we are doing so. He can invite her to our house, as long as an adult is home, but is not allowed to be in his bedroom with her or behind closed doors. She has also been invited on family activities, like apple picking and the fair, and over for dinner. They can go to our neighborhood pool in the summer-- but once again, only with an adult present to keep an eye on things. She's a sweet girl, and we try to facilitate their being friends, but we monitor closely. We've said "real" dating is for 16
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 17:10     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
I walked my 8 year old son to the men's room at Wheaton Regional park on Halloween, and waited by the door. As he came out I could see two young teens having sex in the bathroom. Don't think they won't find a way if that's what they want to do.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 14:00     Subject: Re:Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Of course my 12 year old boys can go to the movies with girls, they are people and I don't segregate my boys from girls. I don't really understand the all boy activities.



This is different. I'm all for class parties, big group activities, all-the-kids-on-the-block are going type of things. That is very, very different from two boys deciding they are interested in two girls, and the four of them double dating, in effect, to a movie.


I am quite sure if the OP's son is correctly socialized with girls it would not be all that big of a deal for 2 boys to go to the movies with 2 girls. If this socialization has not happened properly you simply say. Of course you can go to the movies with girls, the girls can meet you there or carpool (just like with boys), you are not paying (just like with boys), this is not a date. Two boys should not have to questions whether it is okay to ask 2 girls to go to the movies with them.


Ha. It is not the double date at 12 that you (typically) have to worry about. It's the romantic LOVE of star crossed 14 year olds that you have to worry about. Don't be afraid to look down the road a stretch and see what's coming straight at you...
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 13:57     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either


They got pregnant at movie theaters?

You'd be surprised where your kids can have sex.


I remember when kids used to go into wooded area to have sex. The back of a car. In a closet....
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 13:55     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not. Our kids can go to school dances with a "date" starting in 8th grade, but other than that the rule is no dating until you're 16. We're not religious or particularly conservative at all, but I've seen the difference in kids who start dating young and kids who wait until they are more mature to start dating. It makes a huge difference, particularly with girls. It draws the line very clearly for them, so mom/dad get to be the "bad guy" and the kid doesn't even have to think about it - so much more of their focus stays on school and activities. Now of COURSE they are still boy/girl crazy, talk about it all the time, etc... but it is on a level much different than those who actually are allowed to date.

I'm a firm believer in picking an age, whatever is right for your family (although I think anything younger than 14 is ill-advised), and stick to it. Just take the debate off the table for your kids until it's an appropriate time.

Not dating until 16 is one of the parenting things I have the strongest feelings about. It just really sets kids up to focus on what is most important. By the time they are 16 they are generally making a lot different decisions about who is worth spending time with (you see this with friends too!) than they do when they are younger. Usually much better judgment. Not perfect by any means, but better.

Thank you.
+1


+2 If they start dating at 12 just what do you think they are doing by the time they are 14/15? Sex is the normal/natural progression of a romantic relationship.

Will you be prepared to deal with teen pregnancy? Most 14 year old teen boys these days don't do their own laundry or pack their own lunches. They are simply Not ready for sex and all the responsibilities that come with it.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2015 13:43     Subject: Does your 12 year old "date"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, there are also two pregnantgirls at my daughter's middle school. I don't let her slutit up either


They got pregnant at movie theaters?

You'd be surprised where your kids can have sex.