Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:39
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
LOL and how much money does he get for himself?
Whatever he wants to spend on escorts.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:36
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
'He gives' is way way different than 'we allocate'
That's the infantilizing point.
+1. I say that as a SAHM who gets a monthly allowance, except both DH and I both get an allowance, and it's the same for both of us. We give it to ourselves. I think the words people use to describe this kind of thing says a lot about how money is treated in a marriage, and the relative value placed on the working vs. non-working spouse.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:31
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
Curious -- does he also have a budget of $500 to spend for "fun stuff"?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:31
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
LOL and how much money does he get for himself?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:30
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:More women should consider post-nup agreements before becoming a SAHM. Doesn't necessarily need a bonus in it, but a post-nup would avoid a lot of the heartache around becoming a SAHM that you end up seeing.
Or, just don't become a SAHM.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:22
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
'He gives' is way way different than 'we allocate'
That's the infantilizing point.
Exactly. I can't believe some women don't understand / aren't bothered by the dynamic this sets up.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 14:22
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
'He gives' is way way different than 'we allocate'
That's the infantilizing point.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 13:54
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Being on a budget is practical and as a stay at home mom myself, being practical is what keeps me at home. I think people get all upset by the word "allowance" because it sounds like she is "allowed" to have this sum of money. I am sure that is the way it is in some households. But, budgeting is really what it is. He gives me $500/ month to spend for fun stuff.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:49
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Like you're his child? Healthy!
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:48
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
My husband gives me an allowance each month. I use it for beauty appointments and clothes. It works great for us. This way he doesn't freak out how much I spend on these things.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:13
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Did she want to SAH?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:12
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
Safety net from what? Divorce? Sad to have to plan for that... But doesn't she get half of all income anyway, barring prenup?
Forever? Are you kidding?
She gets half the assets earned while they were married. Pre marriage assets depends on state but generally not, and obviously not half after divorce, but just the money they have is shared. Hence why need for 'salary'.
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:11
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.
How is it possible to maintain a marriage of equals when one literally pays the other a salary like an employee? Or does that not bother her?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:10
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
Safety net from what? Divorce? Sad to have to plan for that... But doesn't she get half of all income anyway, barring prenup?
Forever? Are you kidding?
Anonymous
05/18/2015 12:10
Subject: Wife Bonuses
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My best friend is a SAHM and she is paid a salary by her DH. It's a safety net that she banks. I don't think she gets a percentage of his yearly bonus.
This can't be freaking real.
Yep, it's real. It started when decided to SAH. She gets an amount equivalent to what she was earning in her university researcher position. It's her money in case they divorce. Her father had affairs so she's got childhood issues about marriage and money.