Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH actually brought this up this evening to me as it upset him. As this is an anonymous forum i do appreciate some of the suggestions- but others not as much-dcurban what did I expect .

As I was trying to be short in first post and subsequent as to not over share and to the point I obviously left out 10 years of history and other factors--this is a continued theme with his parents.

Disney and the fact that it is in my prents backyard most likely swayed this-and I agree with the pps who said to not mention it to them and I plan not to as well as the ones who said letting it go and not caring is the way to go- which I am working on.

But others obviously are either quick to judge or blessed with a family dynamic that is never frustrating or causes you to maybe not be the best version of yourself. Even as annoying as I found some of the responses Im glad I got to sort thru this here anonymously so when DH brought up his frustrations to me I actually used some of the comments from here to help.

In talking with DH tonight I got to hear him out which in turn helped me understand where my initial reaction came from.

Thanks for those who commiserated and offered some nice suggestions-I got a resolution I feel good about.

I love people like the OP who post on this forum, and then sound pissed off that posters didn't agree with them or criticized them. If you aren't able to handle both positive and negative feedback from an anonymous message board, then don't post here!

Anonymous wrote:OP--I understand this, and when we had no kids it never bothered me --but when it affects my children and the lack of interest in them, it is hard to not upset me. So i am basically supposed to not care, ignore it and just be chill?

As for the question about better off--my DH and i are in no way rich but we are better off than his sister, so that could be a part of it

Yes, because what are your alternatives?

Is it hurtful when parents obviously favor one child (or her offspring) over another? Yes. Can anything be done about it? Probably not. And really, unless your ILs are handing money to your nieces IN FRONT OF your children without giving any to your kids, what your ILs do with their own money is none of your business.

Anonymous wrote:Whatever, OP. Like 90% of PPs were very helpful and kind.

You, however, only found one PP who completely agreed with you helpful?

I can see why your in-laws don't want to spend time with you or your family. I wouldn't either.

Wow you're a peach! Just clarifying in case anyone else had as poor reading comprehension as you do --I said pps as in multiple were helpful, which I said many times-- I only said some were not- assuming you fell in that category.

Whatever, OP. Like 90% of PPs were very helpful and kind.

You, however, only found one PP who completely agreed with you helpful?

I can see why your in-laws don't want to spend time with you or your family. I wouldn't either.

OP here. DH actually brought this up this evening to me as it upset him. As this is an anonymous forum i do appreciate some of the suggestions- but others not as much-dcurban what did I expect .

As I was trying to be short in first post and subsequent as to not over share and to the point I obviously left out 10 years of history and other factors--this is a continued theme with his parents.

Disney and the fact that it is in my prents backyard most likely swayed this-and I agree with the pps who said to not mention it to them and I plan not to as well as the ones who said letting it go and not caring is the way to go- which I am working on.

But others obviously are either quick to judge or blessed with a family dynamic that is never frustrating or causes you to maybe not be the best version of yourself. Even as annoying as I found some of the responses Im glad I got to sort thru this here anonymously so when DH brought up his frustrations to me I actually used some of the comments from here to help.

In talking with DH tonight I got to hear him out which in turn helped me understand where my initial reaction came from.

Thanks for those who commiserated and offered some nice suggestions-I got a resolution I feel good about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP--I understand this, and when we had no kids it never bothered me --but when it affects my children and the lack of interest in them, it is hard to not upset me. So i am basically supposed to not care, ignore it and just be chill?

As for the question about better off--my DH and i are in no way rich but we are better off than his sister, so that could be a part of it

You grew up going there and have parents in the area and have already said that you all will be traveling there frequently as a family. MIL is supporting others in having an experience that you have already had and plan on having for years to come.

Why not give them tips and offer suggestions on how to make the most of this trip? It may be their only visit.

You see a slight, when all I see is opportunity. Be helpful. Be kind.

And when they return, introduce the idea of a trip for all the kids in the future.

+1


Unless you've always offered to include your inlaws everytime you go to Disney, I think you're really being self-centered about this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:21, I totally disagree. I do get what you are saying, but you are projecting a lot of awkwardness and bad feelings that are not there, per the OP.
If it's a week long Disney trip, meeting up with them at the park for a day or so is no big deal. They will conceivably be staying at her parents house and will just join up at the park.
I don't see all the horrible feuding you are

I said awkward, how did that translate into feud?? Please to explain .

You said awkward twice, just leave it alone, and capital letters, all indicating you thought this was a horrible idea and a big deal. I just disagree

I do think the suggestion is bad, but not a feud.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here again--also why I asked on an anonymous forum and not say something to them or DH, because wasn't sure if it was my pregnancy hormones or if this is something that is worth discussing. I have not said anything to my inlaws other then to offer to help them plan/offer suggestions when they told us.

Did you not say that your kid has already been to Disney -- that your parents live in FLA and so your kids will always have easy access to Disney? So know you are annoyed that your in-laws are paying for the other kids to go to Disney, the same place you have already been and have acess to and will admittedly go to on many other trips? I.just. can't.

It's not about the money. Someone else suggested we offer to pay, which I am going to suggest to my husband. It's about being included in a big "family" trip that included the other grandchildren. When I go it's because my parents live there. It is not the all inclusive deal you may be imagining. One day one park home to sleep. Not the resort/package trip my Inlaws are doing. I just mentioned my ffrequency/ that we've been as was being transparent and wanted honest feedback and thought that could be a reason for the non invite.

YOU may be seeing this as "a big family trip" but clearly your in-laws do not and I'd bet they'd be baffled that you think it shortchanges your own kids. They see it as a trip for them SIL's family, period. Their money, their time, their choice. I think you're seeing this as being cut out of something you feel should have been for everyone when they were just figuring your kids have done and will do Disney over and over, and SIL's won't. You are inflating this into a slap at your kids and by extension yourself when frankly they may have had zero agenda like that. They know you have frequent access to Disney and likely will for years. I would bet they even would say, "But we figured you and the kids would be tired of Disney since you've been there and are able to go whenever."

They probably felt you might feel insulted if they DID offer Disney, that you'd respond, "Well, we go there anyway, no thanks." They can't read your mind.

The in-laws probably just figure that Disney is basically grandma and grandpa's back yard to your kids, but it's a big-deal destination to SIL's kids. And I would feel the same way in their shoes.

You cannot blame them for not knowing that you want your kids to get a "resort/package trip" that visiting your parents doesn't provide.

SIL threads are soooo boring. Get over your jealous obsession or seek therapy.

Anonymous wrote:OP--I understand this, and when we had no kids it never bothered me --but when it affects my children and the lack of interest in them, it is hard to not upset me. So i am basically supposed to not care, ignore it and just be chill?

As for the question about better off--my DH and i are in no way rich but we are better off than his sister, so that could be a part of it

You grew up going there and have parents in the area and have already said that you all will be traveling there frequently as a family. MIL is supporting others in having an experience that you have already had and plan on having for years to come.

Why not give them tips and offer suggestions on how to make the most of this trip? It may be their only visit.

You see a slight, when all I see is opportunity. Be helpful. Be kind.

And when they return, introduce the idea of a trip for all the kids in the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:21, I totally disagree. I do get what you are saying, but you are projecting a lot of awkwardness and bad feelings that are not there, per the OP.
If it's a week long Disney trip, meeting up with them at the park for a day or so is no big deal. They will conceivably be staying at her parents house and will just join up at the park.
I don't see all the horrible feuding you are

I said awkward, how did that translate into feud?? Please to explain .

You said awkward twice, just leave it alone, and capital letters, all indicating you thought this was a horrible idea and a big deal. I just disagree

I think your in-laws are thoughtless to not have at least asked if you want to join (paid or not), but if the cousins are not similarly aged it may be just honest assumption that little kids of different ages at amusement parks is not necessarily fun for everyone. My 9 and 7 year olds wouldn't want to go to Disney and spend the day hanging out with their 2 year old and infant cousins, for example. How old are the cousins?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's not about the money, and you really just want to join, what about saying/writing something like

"We were so excited to hear that you and niece/nephews were going to be able to visit Disney together. We have enjoyed it so much ourselves, and are thrilled niece and nephew will get to experience it, too. We were wondering if you would be okay with us joining you for a few days of the trip so we could all enjoy it together. We would take care of all of our own arrangements (as you know my parents live nearby) but would love to just coordinate some park time. Hope it works out!"

NONO! Don't do this OP, do not do this. This makes it awkward. Maybe they just wanted a trip with just them. And wanting that is not a slight. Sometimes you don't want to be around everyone you are related to even though you still love them. If they thought of this as an entire clan gathering, everyone would have gotten the invite and would have been involved with planning the logistics. Trying to jump on board at this late date will just make things awkward and you will wind up with even more hurt feelings. If you want to plan a cousin trip, do that, but leave this alone. I'm telling you, you are not being slighted, you will have other chances to have your kids do things with their grandparents and cousins. Put down the tally sheet before you end up so bitter, the inlaws really will have a reason to distance themselves from you.

This is something to consider. OP, please feel out with MiL first. I have a feeling SIl would not appreciate your conveniently ending up at your parents house and meeting up with them on their vacation. Just a hunch.

Anonymous wrote:How old are SIL's children?

At the time of the trip they will be 3 (but almost 4) and 5

How old are SIL's children?