We have an afternoon babysitter for our 9 and 11 year olds who both play a LOT of soccer and also participate in acting and choir. The afternoon babysitter basically just drives them around for about an hour to get them from school to soccer, and we do the activity pick ups later. Since it's only an hour, we do pay $25 for that hour to cover gas and make it worth his while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you workaholic parents are pathetic. Spending 1-2hrs max a day with your kids. Why bother having kids if you want to work 10-12hrs a day and are only home to put your kids to bed. What kind of life is that for them or you?

It is completely unbelievable how judgmental some parents are of other parents (assuming you are a parent). What works for your household may not work for another. Some women would be completely unhappy and would, in turn, make their kids unhappy if they were SAHMs or WAHMs. Quantity does not always correlate with QUALITY when it comes to spending time with family. Some families create memorable weekends in spite of their hectic weeks. There is no one size fits all parenting, people!

NP. I do think it's kind of sad that their dad only sees them on Saturday afternoons and Sundays (I think OP said that's when he was around). It doesn't mean that he has to be a stay at home parent...I'm not. But I also couldn't imagine missing out on so much of my kids' lives. Is the money really worth it?

I think you need to Have a realistic talk with your husband. How likely is it he will make partner soon? How long after making partner will he have to continue with these hours?

I think you workaholic parents are pathetic. Spending 1-2hrs max a day with your kids. Why bother having kids if you want to work 10-12hrs a day and are only home to put your kids to bed. What kind of life is that for them or you?


It is completely unbelievable how judgmental some parents are of other parents (assuming you are a parent). What works for your household may not work for another. Some women would be completely unhappy and would, in turn, make their kids unhappy if they were SAHMs or WAHMs. Quantity does not always correlate with QUALITY when it comes to spending time with family. Some families create memorable weekends in spite of their hectic weeks. There is no one size fits all parenting, people!

She isn't a parent. She's a nanny and always posts this kind of thing in the nanny forum. Ignore her.

We have designed a solution for this that may be a bit unorthodox. We both don't get home until 6 pm and school, as you know, lets out around 3 pm. My mother lives with us, so she walks to pick up our son from his ES two blocks away. He has a snack, relaxes, plays a bit. Then, we have structured all his extracurricular activities to be taught by tutors that come to the house, so that he doesn't have to go anywhere. In that way, we were able to fit in quite a bit - one language tutor comes in twice a week, and a musical instrument tutor comes in twice a week as well. He takes one sport and that's his one weekend activity. It costs quite a bit but really cuts down on stress. By the time we come home, he has played, read, did his extracurriculars, practiced his instrument for 30 minutes and dinner is in the oven.

Anonymous wrote:I think you workaholic parents are pathetic. Spending 1-2hrs max a day with your kids. Why bother having kids if you want to work 10-12hrs a day and are only home to put your kids to bed. What kind of life is that for them or you?

It is completely unbelievable how judgmental some parents are of other parents (assuming you are a parent). What works for your household may not work for another. Some women would be completely unhappy and would, in turn, make their kids unhappy if they were SAHMs or WAHMs. Quantity does not always correlate with QUALITY when it comes to spending time with family. Some families create memorable weekends in spite of their hectic weeks. There is no one size fits all parenting, people!

I think you workaholic parents are pathetic. Spending 1-2hrs max a day with your kids. Why bother having kids if you want to work 10-12hrs a day and are only home to put your kids to bed. What kind of life is that for them or you?

Anonymous wrote:Your kids don't need to do activities. With school and aftercare, they're already fully programmed. From 6 to bedtime they can help make dinner, eat dinner, clean up, read, relax, and then go to bed. If they have any musical instruments, they can practice an take lessons on the weekends.

I can't believe people are suggesting that you quit your job so Timmy can play travel hockey. WTF.

+1

Unless it's a passion/talent, not simply a way to fill time

DH and I both work. We have an au pair for the flexible care possibilities -- she gets the three kids up and to school in the morning, and gets them after school and takes them to activities. My kids are 7, 10, and 12, and each has different school start times as well as various before- or after-school activities two to three times per week each -- not excessive IMO, but with 3 kids it's a lot of juggling that neither DH nor I would be able to do. They also have to do music practice daily. I work for a non-profit and my hours are somewhat flexible, but DH has to travel 2-3 days every week. With 3 kids, the numbers really work out well for having an au pair vis-a-vis aftercare and the flexibility is fantastic. Plus our APs have been fabulous additions to our family and our kids have loved all of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LEAN OUT.

Go away! Why shouldn't her DH, who works until 9 PM so probably NEVER sees his kids change HIS schedule if this is your solution.

Jesus, let's also not forget that for MANY people, lean out vs. lean in is BS. Most people aren't corporate attorneys, many work shift schedules or work lots of overtime to cover extra expenses etc.

While this might not be OPs case, the idea that lean out is the answer is so narrow- that is only advice for professionals with options!

Except the OP and her DH are professionals with options.

Your kids don't need to do activities. With school and aftercare, they're already fully programmed. From 6 to bedtime they can help make dinner, eat dinner, clean up, read, relax, and then go to bed. If they have any musical instruments, they can practice an take lessons on the weekends.

I can't believe people are suggesting that you quit your job so Timmy can play travel hockey. WTF.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids, op? I have found that activities/practices start later now that my kids are upper elem school and middle school. Otherwise, your options are a nanny or carpool (maybe you could find someone who could always drive the kids to the activity, and you could always drive home). Also, and admittedly I have no idea what your husband's job is, but sometimes my spouse and I have had to cut out from work "early" one night a week to take a kid to an activity - we are both lawyers, so we have the kind of jobs where we can continue to work (on cell phone, laptop, etc.) while the child participates in the activity (and we work from home every night anyway). This took some convincing of my DH btw.

OP here. DH is a lawyer too. Face time is so important at firms, so I hear.

I call b.s.. Your husband can leave early a night a week to take his kid to soccer. Both my husband and I worked for big firms and never had to work til 9 in the office every single night.

+1

DH is an attorney, too. I changed my hours to shorten them a bit when our first was born, but when our second was born, I had a heart-to-heart with DH and told him he needed to be home for dinner a few nights a week, at least. He's a senior associate, so it's not easy, but he has made it happen (he always works more after the kids' bedtimes, but he usually comes home early 2 nights a week). It can't always happen (sometimes there's a crazy deadline or a client meeting or something) but he has made a big effort. Your DH needs to do the same, OP. If his firm really expects everyone to work until 9pm every night, it sounds like a bad place for a parent to work and he should move on.

DH is trying to make partner so he has become a bit of a workaholic. He does not work til 9 most Friday nights and he is at home Saturday evenings and all day Sunday. I want to support his trying to make partner so I see this as hopefully a short-term sacrifice. I think limiting the kids' activities until weekends for now will be fine; then, we can adjust schedules later if one of them develops a special interest and needs to spend more time at practice/lessons/shows, etc. I also have taken PPs' advice and started exploring more of what's available through their schools (DS is starting at a new school next school year that has a robotics course and Spanish afterschool. DD's school has dance and music lessons at her school next year).

What year associate is he? How many associates made partner last year? Out of how many?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LEAN OUT.

Go away! Why shouldn't her DH, who works until 9 PM so probably NEVER sees his kids change HIS schedule if this is your solution.

He should Lean Out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids, op? I have found that activities/practices start later now that my kids are upper elem school and middle school. Otherwise, your options are a nanny or carpool (maybe you could find someone who could always drive the kids to the activity, and you could always drive home). Also, and admittedly I have no idea what your husband's job is, but sometimes my spouse and I have had to cut out from work "early" one night a week to take a kid to an activity - we are both lawyers, so we have the kind of jobs where we can continue to work (on cell phone, laptop, etc.) while the child participates in the activity (and we work from home every night anyway). This took some convincing of my DH btw.

OP here. DH is a lawyer too. Face time is so important at firms, so I hear.

I call b.s.. Your husband can leave early a night a week to take his kid to soccer. Both my husband and I worked for big firms and never had to work til 9 in the office every single night.

+1

DH is an attorney, too. I changed my hours to shorten them a bit when our first was born, but when our second was born, I had a heart-to-heart with DH and told him he needed to be home for dinner a few nights a week, at least. He's a senior associate, so it's not easy, but he has made it happen (he always works more after the kids' bedtimes, but he usually comes home early 2 nights a week). It can't always happen (sometimes there's a crazy deadline or a client meeting or something) but he has made a big effort. Your DH needs to do the same, OP. If his firm really expects everyone to work until 9pm every night, it sounds like a bad place for a parent to work and he should move on.

DH is trying to make partner so he has become a bit of a workaholic. He does not work til 9 most Friday nights and he is at home Saturday evenings and all day Sunday. I want to support his trying to make partner so I see this as hopefully a short-term sacrifice. I think limiting the kids' activities until weekends for now will be fine; then, we can adjust schedules later if one of them develops a special interest and needs to spend more time at practice/lessons/shows, etc. I also have taken PPs' advice and started exploring more of what's available through their schools (DS is starting at a new school next school year that has a robotics course and Spanish afterschool. DD's school has dance and music lessons at her school next year).

I WAH so I take them. The exception is the night DH works magic one night a week to get home early to coach our youngest child's soccer team. The older one started Travel right when younger one started playing so he was able to switch to the younger team since Travel has paid coaches. I am so glad he's had the opportunity to coach both boys teams for a few years because it has been a huge bonding experience for them. My dad did this too and it really meant wonders for me and my siblings.

Our travel practice starts at 5pm so that is rushed even for my WAH schedule. The parents that work later have lots of carpools or hire an after-school person to drive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids, op? I have found that activities/practices start later now that my kids are upper elem school and middle school. Otherwise, your options are a nanny or carpool (maybe you could find someone who could always drive the kids to the activity, and you could always drive home). Also, and admittedly I have no idea what your husband's job is, but sometimes my spouse and I have had to cut out from work "early" one night a week to take a kid to an activity - we are both lawyers, so we have the kind of jobs where we can continue to work (on cell phone, laptop, etc.) while the child participates in the activity (and we work from home every night anyway). This took some convincing of my DH btw.

OP here. DH is a lawyer too. Face time is so important at firms, so I hear.

I call b.s.. Your husband can leave early a night a week to take his kid to soccer. Both my husband and I worked for big firms and never had to work til 9 in the office every single night.

+1

DH is an attorney, too. I changed my hours to shorten them a bit when our first was born, but when our second was born, I had a heart-to-heart with DH and told him he needed to be home for dinner a few nights a week, at least. He's a senior associate, so it's not easy, but he has made it happen (he always works more after the kids' bedtimes, but he usually comes home early 2 nights a week). It can't always happen (sometimes there's a crazy deadline or a client meeting or something) but he has made a big effort. Your DH needs to do the same, OP. If his firm really expects everyone to work until 9pm every night, it sounds like a bad place for a parent to work and he should move on.