Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:33     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:I actually think the brief, postwar period in which one parent (usually the man) worked and the other (usually the woman) stayed home and took care of kids really is the ideal. Except I would want to update it so that men would be just as likely to stay home as women would.

My spouse and I both work and both try to be there for the kids (doctor visits, camp and ballet sign ups, cooking meals, trips to the playground, etc.). Let me tell you, it's exhausting. Specialization would be better. But few can afford to live on one salary in the modern economy.


I think it's really great that my DH and I have equally split the parenting and bread winning duties for 15 years. Specialization - one of us SAH and one of us WOH - would have led to resentments and marital issues. Life is generally exhausting if you do it right.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:31     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:Let's be frank here, ladies. Everyone has their own priority in life. In the dual career families, the children are the ones getting short changed. I'm the nanny who's expected to pick-up the pieces. I'm not interested in being another parent to your children. I don't want your children more waking hours than you care for your own children.


Bullshit, we had a nanny for 7 years and my children were not short changed.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:31     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let's be frank here, ladies. Everyone has their own priority in life. In the dual career families, the children are the ones getting short changed. I'm the nanny who's expected to pick-up the pieces. I'm not interested in being another parent to your children. I don't want your children more waking hours than you care for your own children.


I'm the mom in a dual-career family and believe me, our children see plenty of both of us. I'm glad you aren't our nanny.

When exactly? Skype? Dinner, when you manage to have the time and energy? Sandberg said they tried to at least do that... before dashing BACK to work. Who do you think gave the children their evening baths, read them bedtime stories, and tucked them into bed every night? I don't suppose ANYONE knows how many nannies they've burned through over the years to maintain that ultimate Silicon Valley power couple status. One can at least hope those nannies were well-compensated for their long hours of demanding work.

And btw, I no longer care to work with your type. I find it much more satisfying to devote myself part-time to several families who are all doing their share of caring for their own children themselves. I've seen enough horrors with children who's parents don't know them.

Fleeting moments of so-called "quality time" doesn't cut it, and deep down, you know it.
We all do.

Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:22     Subject: Re:How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:

I'm wondering why people never celebrate the marriages of a couple in which one parent is completely supportive of the other parent staying home to take care of their children? By all accounts, Dave Goldberg did everything possible to facilitate his wife's career - good for him. That career is the path she chose. What about men who support their wives who have chosen the path of leaving the workforce to care for the family's children? I say good for them as well. I'm eternally grateful to be married to such a man - a true partner in every sense of the word.


By HER accounts. The more I learn (I hadn't really dug deeply into their family when reading Lean In), the more I'm not so convinced that's the case. I think he was supportive, but he was also a CEO of a multi-billion dollar company. No way he was taking on the home/family responsibilities to the degree she laid out in the book.

Without his death, I honestly wouldn't have known he was the CEO of SurveyMonkey (or that SurveyMonkey was such a growing company). I wouldn't have read a lot about his life and all the great things he did (he sounds like he was a great guy, truly).

AND... because of her huge popularity around Lean In, it's making me question her message. Because one of the absolutely foundation principles was that you will need a partner who is a "True partner" and will take on at least half the work of the family.

I think the outsourced even more than we knew, more than was speculated... and frankly, that makes me angry. I feel like Lean In was selling a bill of goods that wasn't attainable for most women in the real world. And that's really only become apparent to me now as I've learned more about her husband's career.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:18     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.


This- why is this part never discussed?!


The corporate world is essentially a pyramid scheme. The people at the bottom are paid better (sometimes), but in terms of the orders of magnitude in compensation between the levels... yep, it's a pyramid.

Of course the ones at the top want to tell you how wonderful it is, how you can do it too, how you should work harder to be more like them. They know there are limited spots and not everyone can climb to the top of the pyramid. But the more productive the people at the bottom and mid-levels of the pyramid, the more it raises the people above them.


This is absolutely true. Very important to keep in mind for those asking why, exactly, you're killing yourself to get ahead at the expense of more important things.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:15     Subject: Re:How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
"Leaning in" had nothing to do with the demise of this man. He died while on a vacation and while taking care of his health in a freak accident.

He did not die because his wife was "Leaning In", and he was working two jobs and looking after his kids and was stressed and had a heart attack at his office desk!

In fact, because his wife "leaned in", she is not a widow who is struggling financially now, even when her DH died suddenly at a very young age.

- A SAHM who did not "Lean In"

Thank you. I am not a paragon of career ambition but some people's reactions to this tragedy are disgusting. They apparently had a wonderful, loving, supportive marriage. They were lucky enough to have 10 great years together. It is very, very sad; why are some people looking at his death and seeing vindication for their own decision to NOT lean in?




I'm wondering why people never celebrate the marriages of a couple in which one parent is completely supportive of the other parent staying home to take care of their children? By all accounts, Dave Goldberg did everything possible to facilitate his wife's career - good for him. That career is the path she chose. What about men who support their wives who have chosen the path of leaving the workforce to care for the family's children? I say good for them as well. I'm eternally grateful to be married to such a man - a true partner in every sense of the word.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:14     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let's be frank here, ladies. Everyone has their own priority in life. In the dual career families, the children are the ones getting short changed. I'm the nanny who's expected to pick-up the pieces. I'm not interested in being another parent to your children. I don't want your children more waking hours than you care for your own children.


I'm the mom in a dual-career family and believe me, our children see plenty of both of us. I'm glad you aren't our nanny.


I'm guessing one or both of you have some sort of flexible schedule or staggered schedule, not the types of demanding work lives Lean In advocates.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:14     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.


This- why is this part never discussed?!


The corporate world is essentially a pyramid scheme. The people at the bottom are paid better (sometimes), but in terms of the orders of magnitude in compensation between the levels... yep, it's a pyramid.

Of course the ones at the top want to tell you how wonderful it is, how you can do it too, how you should work harder to be more like them. They know there are limited spots and not everyone can climb to the top of the pyramid. But the more productive the people at the bottom and mid-levels of the pyramid, the more it raises the people above them.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:11     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:Let's be frank here, ladies. Everyone has their own priority in life. In the dual career families, the children are the ones getting short changed. I'm the nanny who's expected to pick-up the pieces. I'm not interested in being another parent to your children. I don't want your children more waking hours than you care for your own children.


I'm the mom in a dual-career family and believe me, our children see plenty of both of us. I'm glad you aren't our nanny.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:10     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:Until you hit the effing desk.


Maybe for you; not for me.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:09     Subject: Re:How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
"Leaning in" had nothing to do with the demise of this man. He died while on a vacation and while taking care of his health in a freak accident.

He did not die because his wife was "Leaning In", and he was working two jobs and looking after his kids and was stressed and had a heart attack at his office desk!

In fact, because his wife "leaned in", she is not a widow who is struggling financially now, even when her DH died suddenly at a very young age.

- A SAHM who did not "Lean In"

Thank you. I am not a paragon of career ambition but some people's reactions to this tragedy are disgusting. They apparently had a wonderful, loving, supportive marriage. They were lucky enough to have 10 great years together. It is very, very sad; why are some people looking at his death and seeing vindication for their own decision to NOT lean in?






Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:08     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.


This- why is this part never discussed?!

Discuss it...
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:05     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.


This- why is this part never discussed?!
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 09:01     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Anonymous wrote:Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.

...Which is quite alright.
EXCEPT when you have young children at home
largely deprived of the parental care of EITHER parent.

Her recommended absentee parenting model
is nothing to be proud of.

It fact, it's shameful.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2015 08:14     Subject: How far should we "Lean In?"
Imagine that, a high-ranking corporate officer telling people to work harder.