Your comments about your sister are harsh, unkind, and cruel.

I'm so sorry OP - the whole thing sounds just awful.

I think you've gotten some good advice here.

I just wanted to add one small thing, which I genuinely mean in a supportive way. Try to find a way to accept the people involved in this for what they are - not what you wish or think they could or should be. Your stepfather may be struggling with all kinds of codependent issues, fear, depression, powerlessness, etc... And given the childhood you describe, you and your sister certainly bring a lot of baggage into this equation.

If you can avoid spending the energy of anger and frustration on people who are extremely unlikely to change you will have a bit more stamina to deal with your mother's care.

Also, you do not have to be a martyr. You don't. Your sister's decisions may seem extremely harsh, but she might be protecting herself better than you are protecting yourself.

You don't have to be a martyr.

I wish you (and your family) luck and peace.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you say your mother was abusive and you have made peace with it. But how dies that make your sister heartless because she decides not care for her abuser?
Seems she has drawn boundaries, just different than yours.
You seem awfully invested in deciding what everyone else is supposed to do(stepdad, sister) then ready to be upset with them, claim they are not stepping up because they are not living up to your expectations.

+1. OP, your normal meter is broken. Your sister is absolutely right to wash her hands of your abusive mother. You reap what you sow.

OP, you say your mother was abusive and you have made peace with it. But how dies that make your sister heartless because she decides not care for her abuser?
Seems she has drawn boundaries, just different than yours.
You seem awfully invested in deciding what everyone else is supposed to do(stepdad, sister) then ready to be upset with them, claim they are not stepping up because they are not living up to your expectations.