Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think there is anything you should do now. Your friend is still in shock and not in his right mind, it's really unfair to him and his children to make any kind of financial decisions right now. I know you aren't pressuring him to do so, it's on his side, but if you truky care about this man you will save him from himself.

+1. A year is not enough for him or for these children. You are seriously considering moving into their house, sleeping in their mother's bed, using her kitchen, and basically just jumping into her shoes, so soon? That's not going to go well. And if you have a difficult relationship history with this guy, there is no guarantee that this marriage will work out-- especially with the children's fragile emotional state. Do everyone, including yourself, a favor and just keep dating.

OP, I don't think there is anything you should do now. Your friend is still in shock and not in his right mind, it's really unfair to him and his children to make any kind of financial decisions right now. I know you aren't pressuring him to do so, it's on his side, but if you truky care about this man you will save him from himself.

I think the fairest answer is that, since you plan to give your house to your son eventually, is to do something that allows him to give the house to his children eventually, which means your name should not go on the title. The easiest way to let you stay in the house after he dies but still have the house go to his children is for him to put the house into a trust that gives you a lifetime interest in the house so you could live there until you die if you like, and then gives the house to the children. You can talk to an estate planning attorney about the specifics of how to set this up. For the finances, given you both plan to keep your residences to pass to your children separately, it sounds like it makes sense for you to keep the bulk of your finances separate and pay your own home expenses (mortgage, insurance, taxes, maintenance) from our own money. Then create a joint account that you both contribute to fairly (you two have to decide what constitutes fairly) to pay joint expenses (utilities at the home you're living in, groceries, travel, etc.).

We're I in your shoes I would propose the following:

You keep your house.
You move in his, but agree that if something happens to him and the kids are over 21, then you will move out to wherever you want at that point, but you leave his house.


He puts "$x" per month aside for you, or an insurance policy where you are the beneficiary.

You are going to be negatively impacted by his tax rates, for example. Your combined taxes will mean where you used to get a refund, now you personally might not.

Things like this matter.

Everything earned going forward are joint...but you both need attys and an account to work out "fair" ahead of time.

You could end up married to him longer than his first wife.

After a year, for the kids sake, you wait. You keep your house and rent it so you have a back up plan. Your inherence goes to your kid, his to his kids with maybe leaving you some. Your situation isn't unique. Plenty of people remarry or marry older with kids involved. You really need to talk to his kids to see how they'd feel about you moving into their mom's house and bed/bedroom.

I pity those girls. You both sound incredibly selfish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if I am wrong, but I have a feeling OP was the OW and besides greed, I can't think of any other reason why she would want her name on the deed at this stage in their lives.

OP here--Not the OW (and couldn't imagine such a sweetheart ever having one).

Greed? No. It's called being a WIFE. MARRIED. Not "shacking up". Stage in life doesn't matter. I'm entitled to protections and provisions. We're not plaTing house here.

Then why don't you want to give him a piece of your house? I believe you actually like this guy, but you seem to be missing some bigger picture. You are both coming to the relationship with assets and other entanglements. You need to sit down and discuss what you want to do about them. A perfectly valid answer is "we don't commingle assets from before the marriage".

That works when leaving both residences and buying a new one together. In this case it seems easier to just move into his home, making it marital property.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if I am wrong, but I have a feeling OP was the OW and besides greed, I can't think of any other reason why she would want her name on the deed at this stage in their lives.

OP here--Not the OW (and couldn't imagine such a sweetheart ever having one).

Greed? No. It's called being a WIFE. MARRIED. Not "shacking up". Stage in life doesn't matter. I'm entitled to protections and provisions. We're not plaTing house here.

Then why don't you want to give him a piece of your house? I believe you actually like this guy, but you seem to be missing some bigger picture. You are both coming to the relationship with assets and other entanglements. You need to sit down and discuss what you want to do about them. A perfectly valid answer is "we don't commingle assets from before the marriage".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you have to blend the finances at this stage of your life. He is paying for his house, right? Let him continue doing so, and let him retain the 100% ownership. You do the same with yours. You figure out a split for your daily incidentals like food and clothing. Done.

+1 you keep your house, but rent it. He retains complete ownership of his home, and you split the other stuff.

Sounds like roommates-not man and WIFE.

And that's a cute plan-as long as everyone lives forever.

Retaining complete ownership of your own assets supersedes death. So the OP's fiance can leave his house to whoever he wishes, and she's free to dispose of her property similarly. It's not joint accounts that transform you into man and wife (why the caps?)

Your post makes no sense. And I say this with kindness.

It is becoming man and WIFE that transforms assets into joint accounts and a house into a marital home.

There are many ways of being married, and your preferred one doesn't have to be the best for everyone. Every married couple writes its own marital story. It doesn't have to fit your mold. It doesn't actually have to make sense to you. Who died and appointed you the arbiter of marriedness?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you have to blend the finances at this stage of your life. He is paying for his house, right? Let him continue doing so, and let him retain the 100% ownership. You do the same with yours. You figure out a split for your daily incidentals like food and clothing. Done.

+1 you keep your house, but rent it. He retains complete ownership of his home, and you split the other stuff.

Sounds like roommates-not man and WIFE.

And that's a cute plan-as long as everyone lives forever.

Retaining complete ownership of your own assets supersedes death. So the OP's fiance can leave his house to whoever he wishes, and she's free to dispose of her property similarly. It's not joint accounts that transform you into man and wife (why the caps?)

Your post makes no sense. And I say this with kindness.

It is becoming man and WIFE that transforms assets into joint accounts and a house into a marital home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you have to blend the finances at this stage of your life. He is paying for his house, right? Let him continue doing so, and let him retain the 100% ownership. You do the same with yours. You figure out a split for your daily incidentals like food and clothing. Done.

+1 you keep your house, but rent it. He retains complete ownership of his home, and you split the other stuff.

Sounds like roommates-not man and WIFE.

And that's a cute plan-as long as everyone lives forever.

Retaining complete ownership of your own assets supersedes death. So the OP's fiance can leave his house to whoever he wishes, and she's free to dispose of her property similarly. It's not joint accounts that transform you into man and wife (why the caps?)

Anonymous wrote:Sorry if I am wrong, but I have a feeling OP was the OW and besides greed, I can't think of any other reason why she would want her name on the deed at this stage in their lives.

OP here--Not the OW (and couldn't imagine such a sweetheart ever having one).

Greed? No. It's called being a WIFE. MARRIED. Not "shacking up". Stage in life doesn't matter. I'm entitled to protections and provisions. We're not plaTing house here.

Sorry if I am wrong, but I have a feeling OP was the OW and besides greed, I can't think of any other reason why she would want her name on the deed at this stage in their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you have to blend the finances at this stage of your life. He is paying for his house, right? Let him continue doing so, and let him retain the 100% ownership. You do the same with yours. You figure out a split for your daily incidentals like food and clothing. Done.

+1 you keep your house, but rent it. He retains complete ownership of his home, and you split the other stuff.

Sounds like roommates-not man and WIFE.

And that's a cute plan-as long as everyone lives forever.

Anonymous wrote:I don't see why you have to blend the finances at this stage of your life. He is paying for his house, right? Let him continue doing so, and let him retain the 100% ownership. You do the same with yours. You figure out a split for your daily incidentals like food and clothing. Done.

+1 you keep your house, but rent it. He retains complete ownership of his home, and you split the other stuff.