Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:38     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


The problem, OP, is that in your mid 40s you can't sleep in any longer. How many times do you want or need to go to Vegas? Your sex life will likely wane with age as well. We lived it up for years, but by our mid 30s we could see the bloom was off the rose on those things you mentioned. Now we have teenagers, and have some of our freedoms from child free years back, plus the kids I totally accept your answers, but just know you will feel much differently about some of these activities when you are approaching 50 than you do now.


Submitted too soon. I meant to say, my parents are in their sixties and they still like to sleep in. Not everyone becomes a morning person as they age. I cannot wait until my toddler and preschooler are teens who want to sleep till noon, and I can get back to sleeping in myself.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:37     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


The problem, OP, is that in your mid 40s you can't sleep in any longer. How many times do you want or need to go to Vegas? Your sex life will likely wane with age as well. We lived it up for years, but by our mid 30s we could see the bloom was off the rose on those things you mentioned. Now we have teenagers, and have some of our freedoms from child free years back, plus the kids I totally accept your answers, but just know you will feel much differently about some of these activities when you are approaching 50 than you do now.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:37     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
I'd love to try out kids, but who would let me borrow their kids for a weekend?? hah But seriously we love kids and often offer to babysit for neighbors and friends but haven't ever. I was a nanny throughout college and really enjoyed it, but now I rarely meet kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:35     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When I get in "a mood" about having a dog, I take care of one of my friend's dogs for a week while they vacation. That week reminds me of how much work they are! Kids are totally different--exhausting and rewarding at the same time. You never knew how big your heart can be!


This post is fascinating to me. I find all the effort I've put into training my dog to be SO rewarding. Far better reward-for-effort ratio than raising a human.


But humans grow up to become independent adults. Dogs never get to be any less work.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:31     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


The problem, OP, is that in your mid 40s you can't sleep in any longer. How many times do you want or need to go to Vegas? Your sex life will likely wane with age as well. We lived it up for years, but by our mid 30s we could see the bloom was off the rose on those things you mentioned. Now we have teenagers, and have some of our freedoms from child free years back, plus the kids I totally accept your answers, but just know you will feel much differently about some of these activities when you are approaching 50 than you do now.


OP here. That very well could be. I'd rather that happen than to have children and resent it.
I do things I love and don't feel like anything is missing. There is no void in my life.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:29     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:One day kids may be taking care of parents. So the work is an investment. You may also relate to these kids better once they are older kids, teens, college age, etc.


If you had children so they'd take care of you when you're older, youre a terrible person.
Why would you want them tethered to you like that? Let them live their lives.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:20     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


I'm in bed right now. Eventually the kids grow up. In fact at a certain point they start sleeping until noon if you let them, or just get up and watch TV. So the not sleeping in part was surprisingly short for us. We are now empty nesters and are back to spontaneous trips (not Vegas though, not my thing). We've managed to stay good at being married and it's been 28 years. Not trying to convince you, i agree that you probably shouldn't have kids, but maybe not for the reasons you state.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:14     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


The problem, OP, is that in your mid 40s you can't sleep in any longer. How many times do you want or need to go to Vegas? Your sex life will likely wane with age as well. We lived it up for years, but by our mid 30s we could see the bloom was off the rose on those things you mentioned. Now we have teenagers, and have some of our freedoms from child free years back, plus the kids I totally accept your answers, but just know you will feel much differently about some of these activities when you are approaching 50 than you do now.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:12     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When I get in "a mood" about having a dog, I take care of one of my friend's dogs for a week while they vacation. That week reminds me of how much work they are! Kids are totally different--exhausting and rewarding at the same time. You never knew how big your heart can be!


This post is fascinating to me. I find all the effort I've put into training my dog to be SO rewarding. Far better reward-for-effort ratio than raising a human.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:39     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP--you shared you've been married for 5 years. How old are you and spouse?


I'm 35. He's 45.


Don't have kids. Go with your gut.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:13     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When I get in "a mood" about having a dog, I take care of one of my friend's dogs for a week while they vacation. That week reminds me of how much work they are! Kids are totally different--exhausting and rewarding at the same time. You never knew how big your heart can be!


This post is fascinating to me. I find all the effort I've put into training my dog to be SO rewarding. Far better reward-for-effort ratio than raising a human.


Omg.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:11     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
I'm another vote for your own kids are different.

But, hell, I did really like my sleep and freedom before kids. I'm a bit jealous of my sibling, who is childless and married in her 40s.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 07:57     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The reasons we have really have nothing to do with the kids themselves. The kids are amazing and I love them more than anything. They bring me joy and make me laugh.
I'd give up my life for those kids, just as I would for my own children.
The reasons have to do more with what we would lose from our life. Sleeping in, spur of the moment trips to Las Vegas, long, lazy Sundays, spontaneous sex amd sleep to make a few. We are really good at being married. We realize that adding kids to that would change us completely.


Yes, I was child free until I was 43 and my DH was 44. We were well off financially, owned a home, and could do just about anything we wanted to do with our days. Then, we decided to have a child. This was 8 years ago - I can't believe my child is 8! - and we can't imagine going back to our previous life. It might have taken us awhile to get here, but I have never found more joy than being a mom, as corny as that sounds, it's true. He's the light and joy of our lives!!!

Not sure how old you are, but you might change your mind. Keep an open mind
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 07:43     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
Anonymous wrote:When I get in "a mood" about having a dog, I take care of one of my friend's dogs for a week while they vacation. That week reminds me of how much work they are! Kids are totally different--exhausting and rewarding at the same time. You never knew how big your heart can be!


This post is fascinating to me. I find all the effort I've put into training my dog to be SO rewarding. Far better reward-for-effort ratio than raising a human.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 06:58     Subject: Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.
OP, humans are unable to love other people's kids as their own. Don't fool yourself.

Not to say you should have kids, but your premise is flawed. Babysitting relatives' kids is quite different from experiencing parenthood.