Anonymous
Post 04/14/2015 07:58     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
It's weird at the very least.

He's probably having an affair and that's why he doesn't want to go to marital counselling. He knows that the therapist would pick it out of him.

Either that, or he's gay and he wanted children, so marriage with a hetero woman seemed the easiest way to that goal for him.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2015 07:43     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
How old is he? Could there be a medical or mental health issue, depression, not dealing well with stress, etc.? I actually wouldn't jump right away to he's gay or having an affair especially if your marriage was ok before having kids. If the kids are taking up a ton of your time and have been for awhile (seems to be most common with elementary age kids and the shuffle of after school and weekend activities) he probably feels resentful and neglected as well and is lashing out about it. I would seek counseling.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 11:22     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
He sounds gay.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 11:17     Subject: Re:DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
OP, my gut reaction is that he is having an affair. I hope I'm wrong. If I were you, I would start looking for signs.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 11:14     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
1. He's gay and has a lover, or
2. Straight, and has a lover

Either way, Get rid of him so you have a chance for a new life. Good luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 09:02     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband won't sleep with me, won't take me on dates, and won't even happily go on family outings unless it is to the playground with a bunch of other families. He no longer sleeps in the same bed with me. He asked startled when I try to hold his hand. Says he is "getting sick" when I ask to kiss other than a peck. He is a great dad, very involved and very helpful around the house. When we were dating he used to be adventurous, went to see music, went out to festivals etc. When I ask him why he doesn't want to do anything romantic anymore he says "we have kids there is no romance." This makes me sad and angry and feel like it is going to be a long 20 years until the kids leave home. For instance today is a beautiful day, I suggedted we go enjoy the sun as a family and he says he can't because he needs to mop the floor. Really?


Something about this feels like a hoax. VERY odd if true. Need major therapy pronto if this is not some kind of troll. Red flags flying wildly.


NP here. It's doesn't sound at all like a hoax to me - my husband is basically exactly the same. I've posted before about it (he's the husband who likes to listen to podcasts and do housekeeping and gardening rather than spend time together as a couple or as a family). We do at least share a bed, but his reaction to my proposals to do anything romantic or close as a couple receive the exact same kind of a response. It's sad and lonely, but real.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:55     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:Most women would be very happy with this....why do you think it's bad?


Very happy? Such bullshit.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:26     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:Most women would be very happy with this....why do you think it's bad?


Wow, speak for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:23     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your marriage is done OP. In fact at this point I wouldn't even label it a marriage since it isn't even consummated as a marriage should be.

You deserve a man who shows you love, someone who makes you feel pretty and special.

You really need a guy who will make you a better person in life. That is what true love means.

This is not love at all. He is your roommate.


Really weird. When genders reversed people would say to just do more chores around the house and be patient.


Oh please just stop. This isn't about someone posting about a bad patch in their marriage. This person's spouse has announced that there WILL BE no romance for years to come. The spouse is refusing counseling. Go ahead and find the links where posters told a man to simply do more chores when he posted that his wife announced there would be no dates and no counseling for the next 10-15 years. We'll wait while you look them up.


there are so many to choose from, it's not worth my time. Don't be lazy. Look it up yourself.


Yeah, um, right. You made the claim. Back it up.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 08:19     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Most women would be very happy with this....why do you think it's bad?
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 07:20     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Is there any sex?

Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 07:17     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
It is stories like this is why some marriages fall apart. Couples don't realize that you need to take breaks from your kids. Does the OP not have a babysitter that they can use from time to time to get date time with the DH?

You can comparison shop therapists. The OP should do that, and get back to the DH and figure out affordability that way.

As someone else said earlier, this is clearly a situation of being "roommates" instead of partners.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 07:05     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Your husband is gay.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 06:36     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your marriage is done OP. In fact at this point I wouldn't even label it a marriage since it isn't even consummated as a marriage should be.

You deserve a man who shows you love, someone who makes you feel pretty and special.

You really need a guy who will make you a better person in life. That is what true love means.

This is not love at all. He is your roommate.


Really weird. When genders reversed people would say to just do more chores around the house and be patient.


Oh please just stop. This isn't about someone posting about a bad patch in their marriage. This person's spouse has announced that there WILL BE no romance for years to come. The spouse is refusing counseling. Go ahead and find the links where posters told a man to simply do more chores when he posted that his wife announced there would be no dates and no counseling for the next 10-15 years. We'll wait while you look them up.


there are so many to choose from, it's not worth my time. Don't be lazy. Look it up yourself.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2015 04:36     Subject: DH says "no romance until the children are grown".
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your marriage is done OP. In fact at this point I wouldn't even label it a marriage since it isn't even consummated as a marriage should be.

You deserve a man who shows you love, someone who makes you feel pretty and special.

You really need a guy who will make you a better person in life. That is what true love means.

This is not love at all. He is your roommate.


Really weird. When genders reversed people would say to just do more chores around the house and be patient.


Oh please just stop. This isn't about someone posting about a bad patch in their marriage. This person's spouse has announced that there WILL BE no romance for years to come. The spouse is refusing counseling. Go ahead and find the links where posters told a man to simply do more chores when he posted that his wife announced there would be no dates and no counseling for the next 10-15 years. We'll wait while you look them up.