Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:36     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that some men that I work with or friends with date women who are not their equals. Ex: PhD dates a woman that works as a waitress. Athletic guy dates a girl that doesn't like sports. Etc. Of course none of these men are married so maybe that is why. Your thoughts DCUM?

Your perception about who is and is not equal to whom may be skewed. We know an owner of a construction/builder company married to a bartender wife. The wife has been working at a high-end French place for 9+ years, makes about 80K and has a bachelor's degree. They have two kids and own multiple properties together. I doubt they feel unequal to each other. Plus, some PhDs are boring.

An athletic guy and a girl who doesn't like sports aren't unequal, they are just mismatched in this particular aspect.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:36     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
OP, you are underestimating the very high value men place on both looks and sexuality in finding a partner. My guess is it has nothing to do with being "helpless" they are attractive, great in bed, or both.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:35     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I switched to an 'inferior' job after getting married. Our lives are 100% better because of it. Family life is extremely difficult with two high-level professionals. It works so much better if one person is out of the game, so to speak.


But see, some women would resent losing their career just to keep their man happy. Me, for instance. Sometimes it's better to find a higher quality guy who can handle being in a relationship with another high level professional.


I hope you are aware of how obnoxious this sounds. Higher quality guy, huh?


A man who is not threatened by his wife's professional success is higher quality than a man who has to be the one with the superior career, yes.


You're really reaching. Having an insecure day?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:33     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I switched to an 'inferior' job after getting married. Our lives are 100% better because of it. Family life is extremely difficult with two high-level professionals. It works so much better if one person is out of the game, so to speak.


But see, some women would resent losing their career just to keep their man happy. Me, for instance. Sometimes it's better to find a higher quality guy who can handle being in a relationship with another high level professional.


Lulz
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:33     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My marriage ended because I'd been less than forthright in letting my DH know who I was before we married. I own that.

He grew angry and resentful as he came to understand my background. I fault him for not being proud of me instead of becoming petulant, but I also concede that I was being understated about my family background, education, relative wealth, life experience, cultural awareness,...general sophistication. He wanted a village wife and that's not me.

The sad thing is that I never worried about our mis-matched backgrounds. The only thing that mattered was what I thought was our shared values and the life we could build together.

I hear what you're saying, OP, although I would state it differently.



What is a village wife? Sorry, I have never heard this term before. Thanks!


I'm guessing simple, poor and uneducated from the context. Wouldn't you guess that as well?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:32     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:You are applying a woman's dating standards to men. Men do not care if you went to the righ university, have the right job, non athletic, etc. As for helpless...some men like that, most don't.


Every man I ever had a relationship with was just as interested in my mind as in my looks.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:30     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
One of my female friends has a masters degree, her husband has a PhD (and earns more) and she is actually the one of who takes care of everything and he is the one who is "helpless."

It's just their dynamic; when we worked together she would be on the phone half the afternoon walking him through what seemed like everything. All of us in the cube farm would roll our eyes. So, not just women who are "helpless."

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:26     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
My marriage ended because I'd been less than forthright in letting my DH know who I was before we married. I own that.

He grew angry and resentful as he came to understand my background. I fault him for not being proud of me instead of becoming petulant, but I also concede that I was being understated about my family background, education, relative wealth, life experience, cultural awareness,...general sophistication. He wanted a village wife and that's not me.

The sad thing is that I never worried about our mis-matched backgrounds. The only thing that mattered was what I thought was our shared values and the life we could build together.

I hear what you're saying, OP, although I would state it differently.



What is a village wife? Sorry, I have never heard this term before. Thanks!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 11:08     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
No. It's my wife's absolute worst quality and drives me batty. She absolutely defaults to a "no I can't" posture to challenges. It's from a place of insecurity, so I give it pass, but I absolute hate the whole helpless thing. It's so, so unattractive.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:58     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I switched to an 'inferior' job after getting married. Our lives are 100% better because of it. Family life is extremely difficult with two high-level professionals. It works so much better if one person is out of the game, so to speak.


But see, some women would resent losing their career just to keep their man happy. Me, for instance. Sometimes it's better to find a higher quality guy who can handle being in a relationship with another high level professional.


I hope you are aware of how obnoxious this sounds. Higher quality guy, huh?


A man who is not threatened by his wife's professional success is higher quality than a man who has to be the one with the superior career, yes.


I think that the word you are looking for is compatible. We are not grading beef here.

Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:57     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
You are applying a woman's dating standards to men. Men do not care if you went to the righ university, have the right job, non athletic, etc. As for helpless...some men like that, most don't.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:51     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Women with credentials and status can be awfully prickly about their credentials and status and devote a lot of time and energy to worrying about whether they are receiving what they regard as proper levels of respect commensurate with their credentials and status. It's exhausting.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:49     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
dcguy wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My marriage ended because I'd been less than forthright in letting my DH know who I was before we married. I own that.

He grew angry and resentful as he came to understand my background. I fault him for not being proud of me instead of becoming petulant, but I also concede that I was being understated about my family background, education, relative wealth, life experience, cultural awareness,...general sophistication. He wanted a village wife and that's not me.

The sad thing is that I never worried about our mis-matched backgrounds. The only thing that mattered was what I thought was our shared values and the life we could build together.

I hear what you're saying, OP, although I would state it differently.



PP, when I read the first two sentences, i thought maybe you had battled meth addition and trashed your credit (or something else along those lines). But then I read the third sentence!

In the interest of not high jacking this thread, could you post your own tread and go into a little more detail. It sounds like you had a privileged background that you hid from. Why? Wouldn't it have been obvious when (STB)DH met your family for the first time? What exactly does 'less than forthright' mean-- did you actively deceive or just withhold information? What is the relative disparity between your background and your DH's?


I am sure it's true that he became petulant that she is so sophisticated. That's a thing, right? Before she was one of the guys, drinking Natty Lights down by the river. once they tied the knot and she only wanted to go to the opera, he cut the sleeves off all his shirts and started dipping snuff and spitting in the water fountains at the Met. It just wasn't working out, you know?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:45     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that some men that I work with or friends with date women who are not their equals. Ex: PhD dates a woman that works as a waitress. Athletic guy dates a girl that doesn't like sports. Etc. Of course none of these men are married so maybe that is why. Your thoughts DCUM?


Where do you see a connection between "helpless" and someone working as a waitress or doing something seen as a lesser job? Those two don't equate.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 10:42     Subject: Do men like women who are helpless?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I switched to an 'inferior' job after getting married. Our lives are 100% better because of it. Family life is extremely difficult with two high-level professionals. It works so much better if one person is out of the game, so to speak.


But see, some women would resent losing their career just to keep their man happy. Me, for instance. Sometimes it's better to find a higher quality guy who can handle being in a relationship with another high level professional.


I hope you are aware of how obnoxious this sounds. Higher quality guy, huh?


A man who is not threatened by his wife's professional success is higher quality than a man who has to be the one with the superior career, yes.