Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:23     Subject: Re:They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, no and no. They can drive and get rewards points with their favorite hotel. And you don't "need " a mega baptism party. Who do they expect to show up, the Pope? Catered meal at home with paper. Break out the trays of chicken Parmesan and ziti.

What's with all these grandparents mistaking themselves for royalty? Take the free ticket on Southwest or whatever airline isn't good enough or we are buying you Greyhound tix. I doubt Queen Elizabeth herself is such a pain in the a$$.


i wonder if they also want you to unpack their underwear and clothing once they arrive.


LOL +1
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:20     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Two points:

1) Offer points, or not at all. Unless they are poor, you shouldn't be covering their travel. Have you paid before?

2) *You and DH* get to decide how to celebrate your child's baptism. Make that ultra clear to him--that these kinds of decisions don't get made by the grandparents, and that he needs to learn fast that it's more important to make his wife happy than his parents. If he wants a party that's one thing, but if he only wants to do it for his parents, no dice.

I would definitely die on these hills and get to counseling if he can't see past his parents' crazy wishes on this. It's not a good place to start new parenthood catering to the ILs, and if you haven't established yourselves as an independent household separate from them, well, now's the time!
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:18     Subject: Re:They want us to pay for their travel
Oops. It was a thankless job and after ten years of their garbage both of my parents said enough! My siblings and I never saw them again, let alone another birthday card. In the end the only one concerned about the oh so special relationship between them and the kids was my mom.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:17     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am thinking this is more about him moving away than anything else.


What do you want to do? I think you can tell the group here is outraged by behavior of the inlaws and your spouses reaction.

What would you like to do? What do you think is fair and appropriate?


I really don't know. I first wanted to make sure I wasn't being selfish. I just wish they'd take the damn free tickets.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:16     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I am thinking this is more about him moving away than anything else.


What do you want to do? I think you can tell the group here is outraged by behavior of the inlaws and your spouses reaction.

What would you like to do? What do you think is fair and appropriate?
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:15     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?


absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.


Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.


OP, I hear you. But you are just barely a parent. You are looking at years of dealing with these people and it is to your DC's benefit to have a wonderful and special relationship with them. Tell them you can afford half (come on, you know you can). But I will warn you these issues will continue. You can be "that" DIL or be the bigger person for your child.


My mom was the bigger person when it came to her lousy in-laws. It was a thankless j
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:08     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are they OP? My In-laws are 76 and 80, and they have become shockingly incapable over the last decade during which I have known them. I can imagine them saying they didn't think they could figure out how to get to a new gate. However, they don't simultaneously ask me to pay for their tickets!


Mid-sixties.


What is with all these near helpless fifty and sixty somethings that we've been hearing about in these threads lately? I used to live in a neighborhood where 70, 80 + year old people were still mowing their own lawns and some were still cleaning their own gutters. Many were still working. I'll be right around 60 myself when my youngest graduates from college - boy I hope and pray that I am not **that** old.

Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:08     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Op here. I am thinking this is more about him moving away than anything else.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:04     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?


absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.


Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.


OP, I hear you. But you are just barely a parent. You are looking at years of dealing with these people and it is to your DC's benefit to have a wonderful and special relationship with them. Tell them you can afford half (come on, you know you can). But I will warn you these issues will continue. You can be "that" DIL or be the bigger person for your child.


This is such bullshit. Exactly- years of dealing with these people. Setting a precedent of years of particular plane tickets and parties and who knows what else.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:01     Subject: Re:They want us to pay for their travel
Sorry OP, I feel you. My in laws are pretty pushy also. My husband and I are both from big greek family's where big baptisms are expected. We had about 70 people at our baptism. My inlaws kept sending my husband more and more people to invite. Since we had such a big and expensive baptism I wanted to keep my son's first birthday party to just immediate family, but my inlaws already made clear that they expect their entire extended family to be included. Since his whole extended family will need to be invited, so will mine, so now we are going to end up with 40 people at the party, and that doesn't' include any of our friends. SIGH!

Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 11:00     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?


absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.


Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.


OP, I hear you. But you are just barely a parent. You are looking at years of dealing with these people and it is to your DC's benefit to have a wonderful and special relationship with them. Tell them you can afford half (come on, you know you can). But I will warn you these issues will continue. You can be "that" DIL or be the bigger person for your child.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 10:56     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Beggars can't be choosers.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 10:56     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How old are they OP? My In-laws are 76 and 80, and they have become shockingly incapable over the last decade during which I have known them. I can imagine them saying they didn't think they could figure out how to get to a new gate. However, they don't simultaneously ask me to pay for their tickets!


Mid-sixties.

I wouldn't let it start now OP!
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 10:55     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:I hate to break this to you, but things like vacations are a luxury and when you have kids, child care, etc. you don't always get them yearly like you did before kids.

With that said, free tickets or they pay or at least cost share.


i hate to break it to you, but free tickets are a luxury.
a full on baptism party for 20 is a luxury.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2015 10:53     Subject: They want us to pay for their travel
Anonymous wrote:How old are they OP? My In-laws are 76 and 80, and they have become shockingly incapable over the last decade during which I have known them. I can imagine them saying they didn't think they could figure out how to get to a new gate. However, they don't simultaneously ask me to pay for their tickets!


Mid-sixties.