Anonymous
04/11/2015 20:50
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
[quote=Anonymous
Tell ILs very little because MIL is a blabber mouth.
Tell ILs very little because MIL is a blabber mouth.
I've taught my DH to give some considerable thought to what he tells his mother. I've learned the hard way that anything I tell my MIL will be blabbed about and repeated, so I no longer provide news, information or details.
My DH just had some extensive medical tests done (he's fine/healthy) and I advised him not to even bother telling his parents - besides being a gossip, MIL is an annoying worrywart and the type who then would spam us with urban legend-caliber "medical" info she finds on the Internet.
Even good news like a promotion has to be tightly controlled - she's apt to exaggerate or get details wrong.
Anonymous
04/11/2015 20:28
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
I want to tell them more, I really do. But their reactions have either been hurtful or overwhelming over the years -- even though I know they love me, it's just how they communicate; but that has made me more reserved, more calculating re timing and details etc.
It was even true on little stuff --
In college I was having a hard time with an upper division finance class but was ultimately able to pull out an A -- I tell my dad and he says "but you got a B in calculus, right?"
There was an (paid - so it wouldn't cost them) internship I was trying for that I really wanted. I didn't get it, but the place called me back 1-2 weeks later and offered me a different paid position for the summer, which I took. After I had been working for a few weeks and it was going well -- my boss told me -- we really liked you when we met you, though x just edged you out for that position, so we took a few weeks to see if we could create another paying role for you. I was pretty happy and tell my parents to which my dad says "well if they liked you why didn't they give you the first job."
UGH
And my mom -- who isn't like that -- is just SUCH a planner that she'll drive you crazy with questions. If you say -- I got a 2nd round at this job, it'll be -- when would you start; that would only give you 3 weeks to move; where would you live; what if you wanted to leave that job, would it look bad on your resume. And it's like -- um -- no one has offered me anything, do we have to worry about this now.
And yet despite their reactions, they feel slighted that as a 30-something adult, I don't involve them or ask their opinion or share news with them until the last moment. I feel bad complaining bc I know how much they love me, and I know this is how Asian parents are -- but having not been raised in Asia, I can't always deal . . . .
It was even true on little stuff --
In college I was having a hard time with an upper division finance class but was ultimately able to pull out an A -- I tell my dad and he says "but you got a B in calculus, right?"
There was an (paid - so it wouldn't cost them) internship I was trying for that I really wanted. I didn't get it, but the place called me back 1-2 weeks later and offered me a different paid position for the summer, which I took. After I had been working for a few weeks and it was going well -- my boss told me -- we really liked you when we met you, though x just edged you out for that position, so we took a few weeks to see if we could create another paying role for you. I was pretty happy and tell my parents to which my dad says "well if they liked you why didn't they give you the first job."
UGH
And my mom -- who isn't like that -- is just SUCH a planner that she'll drive you crazy with questions. If you say -- I got a 2nd round at this job, it'll be -- when would you start; that would only give you 3 weeks to move; where would you live; what if you wanted to leave that job, would it look bad on your resume. And it's like -- um -- no one has offered me anything, do we have to worry about this now.
And yet despite their reactions, they feel slighted that as a 30-something adult, I don't involve them or ask their opinion or share news with them until the last moment. I feel bad complaining bc I know how much they love me, and I know this is how Asian parents are -- but having not been raised in Asia, I can't always deal . . . .
Anonymous
04/11/2015 09:25
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
Good news I tell them almost right away - after I make sure the details are accurate and legit - usually same day.
Bad news, also after I make sure the details are confirmed and if it's something they need to know or I'm ok with them knowing. I didn't tell them about my miscarriage because they didn't know I was pregnant.
My ILs get told last, because they tell everyone. When we told them I was pregnant and keeping it quiet, she went to the bathroom and called her best friend. I hadn't even told my mother yet.
Bad news, also after I make sure the details are confirmed and if it's something they need to know or I'm ok with them knowing. I didn't tell them about my miscarriage because they didn't know I was pregnant.
My ILs get told last, because they tell everyone. When we told them I was pregnant and keeping it quiet, she went to the bathroom and called her best friend. I hadn't even told my mother yet.
Anonymous
04/11/2015 00:33
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
My mom is dead; my dad is a nice guy but sort of disengaged emotionally. I keep my own counsel and don't share much. I'm used to it but sometimes do wish I had more supportive and interested parents.
Anonymous
04/10/2015 22:23
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
It depends, my mother had fertility issues, so no baby news till 2nd trimester, so like the breast lump poster, I hold back on stuff so she doesn't worry. But, then I couldn't remember when my Dh was at the ER for chest pains, and it came up months later....i call maybe once a week. But, we are also at a no excitement stage compared to about 5 years ago....just elementary and middle school. Totally expect to leave her out of the college talks.
Anonymous
04/09/2015 08:41
Subject: How much do you tell your parents -- good or bad news?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My mom is judgmental and reacts/responds emotionally, so I'm careful with how/when I tell her things. Good things are normally pretty quick, DD and I facetime her daily. The in-laws get info as needed. I normally leave that contact up to DH, which means he talks to them once or twice a month.
Why don't you FaceTime with his parents too, with your DD? Are they not as interested in her as your parents are? Or are there issues with them?
I asked because it just seems thoughtless otherwise, of both you and your DH.
Oh I offer to do that with them as well, but with their jobs they don't get home until DD's just about in bed (8pm) and weekends they are busy with their own lives. We do connect with them on facetime once every 6-8 weeks or so, when the stars align.