My dog meets all of your most important criteria, except for size. We have a largish goldendoodle (100 lbs). Very friendly, laid back most of the time, doesn't shed but does need grooming.

You described our rescue Lab mix. If you are willing to do the work with a puppy, most of the stuff on your list will be taken care of. If you live in a place with a yard, I still recommend a 20-30 minute walk a couple of times a day and play time with the dog.

Anonymous wrote:NP. Did the greyhounds try to run out the door? How did you get them enough exercise?

They don't try to run out the door to escape but are interested in meeting whomever comes to the door. If you leave the door unattended they may go out but I would tell mine to go to his bed if needed.

They don't need a lot of exercise because they are sprinters, not distance runners, so a walk or short run at the dog park is enough. Mine lived in a 800 sq ft apartment for the first year we had him and three 10-15 min walks a day was all he needed. We would hike or go to the dog park on weekends for a change of scenery, but after 30 min or so he'd just want to lie down.

Lab, and get one on the small side.

NP. Did the greyhounds try to run out the door? How did you get them enough exercise?

Another vote for a greyhound. Mine was the best dog ever - no barking, friendly, calm, didn't shed much, easy to walk. My mother has had two and both were gems. My boy was 75 lbs but the females are smaller. We adopted from Greyhound Rescue in WV.

Well, my almost 2 year old border collie is happy to run with me but also content to chill on the couch. He doesn't snitch food---much. He doesn't eat clothes or shoes. He needs brushed once a week. We walk a couple miles a day. He loves kids and is amazingly tolerant of nonsense. He can open any door but doesn't. He's not really gassy. He's not destructive. He has fantastic dog skills.

You get out of a dog what you put into a dog. Patience, time, training will get you what you need

Adopt a dog that is around 3 years old and needs rehoming. Not a puppy.

Another vote for rescue mutt. Ours meets almost all your criteria except he is much too big for me to carry- about 70 pounds. But great personality and easy to care for. Like a PP said, a lot on your list is about training- we got him as a pup and he had a ton of energy and did chew some things (no first editions though) but quickly trained out of that (he's two now).

Greater Swiss Mountain Dog

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no one breed that is all of that. Not sure which (if any) of the attributes are qualities that you can live with and which are absolute deal breakers for you.

It would be helpful if you could list your top 10 attributes from most important to least important.

OP here. Dealbreakers: neurotic, hyper, destructive, noisy, aggressive (to dogs or people).

Basically need a calm dog that, as an adult, can handle being alone for 6-8 hour stretches, will mostly lie down quietly while indoors, and will not snarl, lunge at or bite other dogs or people. Prefered size 20-45 pounds.

Greyhound. Oversized couch potatoes. Happy to go when you want it, thrilled to snooze when you're busy.

Seriously op, why not a cat? Kitties can be loving and snuggly and they meet all your other criteria.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no one breed that is all of that. Not sure which (if any) of the attributes are qualities that you can live with and which are absolute deal breakers for you.

It would be helpful if you could list your top 10 attributes from most important to least important.

OP here. Dealbreakers: neurotic, hyper, destructive, noisy, aggressive (to dogs or people).

Basically need a calm dog that, as an adult, can handle being alone for 6-8 hour stretches, will mostly lie down quietly while indoors, and will not snarl, lunge at or bite other dogs or people. Prefered size 20-45 pounds.

Dogs can trick you. Friend visited with a calm and sweet dog twice before bringing her home and finding she's neurotic and destructive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no one breed that is all of that. Not sure which (if any) of the attributes are qualities that you can live with and which are absolute deal breakers for you.

It would be helpful if you could list your top 10 attributes from most important to least important.

OP here. Dealbreakers: neurotic, hyper, destructive, noisy, aggressive (to dogs or people).

Basically need a calm dog that, as an adult, can handle being alone for 6-8 hour stretches, will mostly lie down quietly while indoors, and will not snarl, lunge at or bite other dogs or people. Prefered size 20-45 pounds.

Have not had one myself but I think the good ok lab fits the bill.

Also I repeat my suggestion of standard poodle. I am leaning that way myself, had a wonderful one growing up. Just miss the antics and fierce looks of the boxer I lost a few years ago.

Labs are nearly always above 45 pounds.

They can also be slobbery, gassy and Houdini, all of which were on OP's lengthy list. And many can be too strong for a 10-12-year-old to control on a leash, but that can definitely be solved with training.

Above all, they are too good for people like OP who clearly think they want a dog but really don't.

Just adopted a rescue mutt. Not sure if it will meet all those criteria, certainly doesn't meet some of them currently (it's a puppy), but for a lot of them it's at least looking decent. Shelter called it a lab mix, we think the mix is at least part beagle, though honestly who knows. That said we discovered the lab beagle mix in trying to figure out what it might be, and that seems to describe a pretty great dog.