Anonymous wrote:1. How old were you when you married?

DH and I, both were 25. Dated for 6 years, college sweethearts but waited for marriage.

Anonymous wrote:2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to?

Yes. 20+ years now

Anonymous wrote:2. Did you grow up religious?

Not really. Not having sex was nothing to do with religion and more to do with social norms of the conservative country I was raised in.

Anonymous wrote:3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups?

I did not know enough about sex to have hangups. This was pre-internet days. I had not even seen porn or nude pictures.

Anonymous wrote:4. Was your spouse also a virgin?

Yes, he was.

Anonymous wrote:5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you?

He was not more experienced, but he was the one who took the lead in the bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality?

I want my kids to have sex only in respectful relationships and when they are adults and can make mature decisions. I want them to be safe and feel loved in the relationship. I am very open with my kids (I think shockingly so!), but I do not worry about the physical aspect of sex for them, rather than the emotional aspect.

Anonymous wrote:7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it?

No. I was not a virgin because I prized my virginity. I was a virgin because I wanted to be very sure of the relationship. It was protecting my mind and heart rather than my hymen. I think it was worth it.

Anonymous wrote:8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life?

Very active. Very imaginative and adventurous. We are blessed to have a similarly high libido relationship. I think we can be absolutely open and relaxed with each other, because we never had anyone else to compare with.

Anonymous wrote:9. Are you male or female?

Female.

Anonymous wrote:10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait?

Never explicitly talked about it with anyone. My first BF was my DH.

Anonymous wrote:I am going to show this thread to my DD and DS.

I just did this as well! So heartening to hear sex-positive stories about waiting till marriage. The cultural stereotype of virgins is very, very misleading.

I was not a virgin on my wedding day, but I lost it at age 25 to my husband who is my first and only. So I will join in:

1. How old were you when you married? 27
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? Yes
2. Did you grow up religious? no
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? Yes, I can still ONLY orgasm via masterbation. I've gotten close a few times with oral but that's it.
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? no
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? No, I didn't want a virgin, I wanted someone who already knew what they were doing.
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? n/a
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? Kinda wish I had experimented more. Sometimes wonder how it would be with others, but not enough to do anything about it.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? sometimes. I have endometriosis so really depends on how I'm feeling.
9. Are you male or female? female
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? yes, I felt that was only fair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I got married and was a virgin. My husband also happened to be a virgin, but that wasn't hugely important.

I waited because I didn't want the emotional baggage of having sex (and particularly losing my virginity) and then having the relationship break up. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle it. If my partner could have sex and not get as emotionally involved, I didn't care. I kept my virginity for me, not as some sort of "gift" to give to my spouse.

In hindsight, I also liked that my dating relationships weren't complicated by sex. There were some men that no sex was a dealbreaker, and I respected that, but I also really appreciated the honesty that came with knowing that a person wanted to get together to spend time with me, and not because they were in the mood for sex.

That said, I don't judge others for what they do, nor do I think my approach would make sense for everybody.

I don't understand this. How can you be an adult, and in a dating relationship with someone and not having sex? Doesn't that mean you are just friends with this person? What's the difference between this relationship and your best friend relationships?

If the difference is that you have some sexual contact with this person, then shouldn't a grown up be as comfortable making out or more as they are having sex with someone? Put another way, if you're okay with your boyfriend putting his hand on your boob or down your pants, shouldn't you be just as comfortable having sex with this person? Some of you are 30 years old, for goodness sakes!

fwiw, i was 20 when i had sex, so it's not i'm all pro-kids having sex. But even at the time i knew that my dating relationships prior to then weren't really relationships - they were guys who i liked and hung out with and made out with but had no intimacy with, so it would have been weird to have sex. But if you're 30, i'd hope that your dating relationships matured farther than my age 16 relationships - in which case, why aren't you having sex?

Pretty sure everyone explained this in their posts.

Anonymous wrote:I was 30 when I got married and was a virgin. My husband also happened to be a virgin, but that wasn't hugely important.

I waited because I didn't want the emotional baggage of having sex (and particularly losing my virginity) and then having the relationship break up. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle it. If my partner could have sex and not get as emotionally involved, I didn't care. I kept my virginity for me, not as some sort of "gift" to give to my spouse.

In hindsight, I also liked that my dating relationships weren't complicated by sex. There were some men that no sex was a dealbreaker, and I respected that, but I also really appreciated the honesty that came with knowing that a person wanted to get together to spend time with me, and not because they were in the mood for sex.

That said, I don't judge others for what they do, nor do I think my approach would make sense for everybody.

I don't understand this. How can you be an adult, and in a dating relationship with someone and not having sex? Doesn't that mean you are just friends with this person? What's the difference between this relationship and your best friend relationships?

If the difference is that you have some sexual contact with this person, then shouldn't a grown up be as comfortable making out or more as they are having sex with someone? Put another way, if you're okay with your boyfriend putting his hand on your boob or down your pants, shouldn't you be just as comfortable having sex with this person? Some of you are 30 years old, for goodness sakes!

fwiw, i was 20 when i had sex, so it's not i'm all pro-kids having sex. But even at the time i knew that my dating relationships prior to then weren't really relationships - they were guys who i liked and hung out with and made out with but had no intimacy with, so it would have been weird to have sex. But if you're 30, i'd hope that your dating relationships matured farther than my age 16 relationships - in which case, why aren't you having sex?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So not one divorced person yet? Maybe those catholics are onto something...

Studies say that if you lived together before marriage you are more likely to divorce. Why buy the milk when you have so many cows? Virginity is saved for someone you love.

Causation v. correlation, my dear. This statistic has been widely debunked. People who live together unmarried are far more likely to view relationships casually, and therefore, if they get married, they are more likely to get divorced. But anyone who views relationships seriously, and who happens to move in with their future spouse before getting married, has as good (and some studies say better) chance of non-divorce than their peers who don't live together first.

I am going to show this thread to my DD and DS.

Anonymous wrote:So not one divorced person yet? Maybe those catholics are onto something...

Studies say that if you lived together before marriage you are more likely to divorce. Why buy the milk when you have so many cows? Virginity is saved for someone you love.

Do you want to hear from a guy who wasn't a virgin at marriage, but has only had one partner?

1. How old were you when you married? 24
2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to? Yes, 11 years.
2. Did you grow up religious? Catholic, obligatory mass most Sundays. Didn't discuss religion outside of that.
3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups? No. Maybe I did when I met DW, though. I found it embarassing, but that was also a huge turn-on, too, so who knows?
4. Was your spouse also a virgin? No.
5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you? No. She taught me some things.
6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality? High school is definitely too young. Sex does not come without consequences, and they're more significant for girls.
7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it? No, not really. But I don't think it was crucial, either.
8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life? Yes, very much so. Four/five times a week. Lots of fun.
9. Are you male or female? Male.
10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait? It wasn't really a choice so much as I hadn't met someone I felt comfortable with until I was 22.

So not one divorced person yet? Maybe those catholics are onto something...

Anonymous wrote:1. How old were you when you married?

I was 25, he was 28

2. Are you still married to the spouse you lost your virginity to?

Yes

2. Did you grow up religious?

Yes, though it was not the kind of rigid, unemotional, unloving religious household that is stereotyped in pop culture. I was raised in a loving Hindu family, showered with affection and always told that my worth was beyond measure. That I should wait for a man who loves me as much as God loves me.

3. Did you or do you have any sexual hangups?

Lol, no. I was very sexually curious as a virgin, but my experimentations consisted of porn and learning how to orgasm via masturbation. No guilt, no hangups.

4. Was your spouse also a virgin?

No, but he wasn't very experienced either as he'd been raised in a traditional Indian-American family. I was his number 2

5. If your spouse was more experienced was that an issue for you?

No. I'd have taken him virgin or non-virgin as long as he didn't violate my code of sexual ethics prior to meeting me (indiscriminate casual hook-ups, cheating or helping someone cheat, non-consent, etc)

6. How do you or will you instruct your children regarding sex and sexuality?

While we hold the same ideals for our children as we did for ourselves, we are also realistic. We can't control them unless we're slipping spyware into their laptops, phones and cars, and we don't want to be those kinds of parents anyway. We are raising children with high self-esteem and a love and awareness of God, and we hope that they are not casual, callous and indiscriminate with their bodies. We hope they wait for monogamy and love.

7. Do you regret your decision to wait? Was it worth it?

I have zero regrets. I would never want to be touched by a man who doesn't adore me, so casual sex or multiple relationships never held any appeal for me. My DH is the only man I want.

8. Do you and your spouse have an active sex life?

Yep, 4-5 times a week, sometimes more, and there's always a lot of variety and experimentation.

9. Are you male or female?

Female

10. When you were single were you open with others about your choice to wait?

I never dated before the DH!