Posting again to say...sometimes I get so sick of being THAT mom, but other times I walk with pride into the meeting thinking "Yeah, that's right. I'm the mom who knows here rights. Don't F with me. I'm one bad ass muthah!"

I too am finding this thread to be a breath of fresh air. Our procedural support liaison showed up once to an IEP meeting and that was when I still went along with the team. A few years later when I had to fight for what my child needed I called her twice to invite her to the meeting because there were noncompliance issues right and left. She never returned my call.

So there I was facing a room full of people because once you get known as crazy the meetings double or triple in size. I actually sat there and quoted various acts or statutes or whatever because the special ed department and the specialists had no clue what they were REQUIRED to do. That helped because they knew dam well if they violated our rights I'd have a good case if I took things farther.

Yes, we've disagreed with placement. They wanted to put my child with language delays and a learning disorder in a center program for children with severe autism. They were relentless in pursuing this in elementary school, to the point of calling us in at least monthly for hours and hours of meetings. Some meetings ran 3 plus hours.

So, we brought in Dr. Stephen Camarata of Vanderbilt in on a phone consult. Boy, all their "knowledge" went pfft! when they were faced with an actual professional who was way ahead of them at every turn. There was nothing they could bring up that he didn't know way more about. We walked out an hour later with everything we asked for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say this thread is such a breath of fresh air. My friends who don't have kids with any SN and have never sat in an IEP meeting try but they just don't get it. They think is as easy as telling the school what your kid needs and getting it, especially if it's obvious the kid needs help somewhere. They think you must not be trying hard enough if you aren't getting it, or that you're being dramatic. It's really a relief to just know that other people get it.

It's not just parents of 'typical' kids I hear this from. It's also from parents who have no issues with the IEP teams - you see it here on DCUM, too. Ever see posts that warn against coming with an advocate because it sets up a bad dynamic? Or, 'you need to understand that resources are limited'. Or, 'if your DC's problems are so great, you need to go private'.

Yes, I have seen it firsthand. Twice I have posted about disagreeing with the school and was basically told "deal with it, the schools are right."

Our principal actually took the bad parent stance. She asked us at the IEP Screening Meeting, "How many kids do you have." We said 4. She said, "There's your problem. You have too many kids so you are not giving _____ enough attention and support at home. That is why ______ is not meeting grade standards in reading." The team refused any testing so we had our DD privately tested in which her disabilities were diagnosed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say this thread is such a breath of fresh air. My friends who don't have kids with any SN and have never sat in an IEP meeting try but they just don't get it. They think is as easy as telling the school what your kid needs and getting it, especially if it's obvious the kid needs help somewhere. They think you must not be trying hard enough if you aren't getting it, or that you're being dramatic. It's really a relief to just know that other people get it.

It's not just parents of 'typical' kids I hear this from. It's also from parents who have no issues with the IEP teams - you see it here on DCUM, too. Ever see posts that warn against coming with an advocate because it sets up a bad dynamic? Or, 'you need to understand that resources are limited'. Or, 'if your DC's problems are so great, you need to go private'.

I know, right? LOL. I'd love to go private - who wants to pay? Oh, that's right, no one. DCPS claims they can provide what is needed ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say this thread is such a breath of fresh air. My friends who don't have kids with any SN and have never sat in an IEP meeting try but they just don't get it. They think is as easy as telling the school what your kid needs and getting it, especially if it's obvious the kid needs help somewhere. They think you must not be trying hard enough if you aren't getting it, or that you're being dramatic. It's really a relief to just know that other people get it.

It's not just parents of 'typical' kids I hear this from. It's also from parents who have no issues with the IEP teams - you see it here on DCUM, too. Ever see posts that warn against coming with an advocate because it sets up a bad dynamic? Or, 'you need to understand that resources are limited'. Or, 'if your DC's problems are so great, you need to go private'.

Yes, I have seen it firsthand. Twice I have posted about disagreeing with the school and was basically told "deal with it, the schools are right."

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say this thread is such a breath of fresh air. My friends who don't have kids with any SN and have never sat in an IEP meeting try but they just don't get it. They think is as easy as telling the school what your kid needs and getting it, especially if it's obvious the kid needs help somewhere. They think you must not be trying hard enough if you aren't getting it, or that you're being dramatic. It's really a relief to just know that other people get it.

It's not just parents of 'typical' kids I hear this from. It's also from parents who have no issues with the IEP teams - you see it here on DCUM, too. Ever see posts that warn against coming with an advocate because it sets up a bad dynamic? Or, 'you need to understand that resources are limited'. Or, 'if your DC's problems are so great, you need to go private'.

I just want to say this thread is such a breath of fresh air. My friends who don't have kids with any SN and have never sat in an IEP meeting try but they just don't get it. They think is as easy as telling the school what your kid needs and getting it, especially if it's obvious the kid needs help somewhere. They think you must not be trying hard enough if you aren't getting it, or that you're being dramatic. It's really a relief to just know that other people get it.

Ha, remember that HBO movie about Sarah Palin? Didn't Woody Harrelson and the Office Space actor guy keep telling her to "pivot" in the debate prep?

PP, thank you for sharing. Having a nightmarish situation with our IEP team and have been miserable for a few months. Your post made me laugh out loud for the first time in a long time.

Anonymous wrote:
Crazy/paranoid poster here. I was reading DH this thread and he just reminded me of this one particularly contentious meeting a few years ago. (My DS is 10 and has had an IEP since 3 so...a lot of meetings). There was a social worker there with a "social work" intern. The intern sat next to me. She pulled out a yellow legal pad with "meeting itinerary" across the top. Number 1 on the list: Acknowledge parent's feelings of frustration with process. Number 2: Use "pivot" technique.

I still don't know what the pivot technique is but every once in awhile when DH and I are arguing one of us will shout out "Use the pivot technique, damn it!"

Anonymous wrote:Wow. My dh and I have numerous fights about moving. I refuse to move out of Arlington, even though we could buy a bigger house in fairfax or MoCo. My son needs services but so far the school has been really supportive and caring. We have only just started our long IEP journey of a few more years but I think we are off to a good start.

Arlington is so much smaller. They run out of administrative people to throw at you after awhile.

Wow. My dh and I have numerous fights about moving. I refuse to move out of Arlington, even though we could buy a bigger house in fairfax or MoCo. My son needs services but so far the school has been really supportive and caring. We have only just started our long IEP journey of a few more years but I think we are off to a good start.

LOL I think that social work intern did not know what she was doing.

PP, its a debating technique (HS nerd here):

The Ransberger pivot is a debate technique from 1982 by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz in which the speaker attempts to find common ground with the person they are trying to convince of their view. Once a person objects to the speaker's ideas, the speaker employs the technique in three stages.

Listen to the other person's objections
Understand the other person's objections
Find a common goal in the other person's objections and convince them your way is a solution to the agreed problem.

Anonymous wrote:
I still don't know what the pivot technique is but every once in awhile when DH and I are arguing one of us will shout out "Use the pivot technique, damn it!"

http://negotiationsworkshop.com/negotiation-training-Using-the-Pivot-Technique-to-Defend-Your-Price-in-a-Sales-Negotiation.html

The pivot technique is a tool that experienced negotiators use to get around the problem of having to negotiate with a price that can't be lowered. By adding additional points to negotiate to the table, we have the ability to build a complete package to be negotiated and this makes the price only a single component of a much bigger deal.