Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread demonstrating why monogamous marriage is a horrible idea

An open marriage or swinging is one solution, but it seems that most of the time it winds up being a disaster. So what is the solution? For my marriage, it is all about surprise. Married 15 years and my wife and I try to keep the newness in the relationship by trying new things when least expected. For example, on a Friday I expected to come home and have the kids there. Instead, she sent them to the grandparents for the weekend and was naked in bed waiting for me. Another time, we started with some rope in the house and did things I didn't know where in either one of us.

You gotta the groove by trying....

open marriage can help because it reignites the biology. You have to simply be willing to channel the benefits generally. When I have a new partner, I find that my desire overall increases. I am hot for my new partner but I also have renewed desire for my older partners. In fact, I find that I can't wait to get home and have my wife again every time I sleep with someone new. I don't stop loving my wife, I just forget to have my party clothes on like I when we first got together. I don't want want to end my marriage I just need occasional reminders to appreciate what is right in front of me. That's why I favor extra marital sex with my wife involved, I need to remember what a sexy woman she is and how lucky I am. Sometimes it take someone else pointing it out to get my attention.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone can relate? Maybe marriage is really not my thing.

DH here, and yes, I can relate. I think you have to make an effort to work at it. The "new relationship energy" has a lot to do with:

- infatuation (that's not going to come back)
- not really knowing the person well (you fill in the blanks with your fantasies)
- having other everyday issues/tensions appear
- routine/knowing the ins and outs of your partner.

My advice is to make an effort to:

- really be open and honest about what each of you likes. This requires a lot of vulnerability, but there is a kind of thrill in exposing yourselves. This means be graphic, explicit, shameless and demanding (selfish) about what you want. It is the antithesis of having him sweep you up, read your mind and magically do everything you want without you having to ask. But, it will lead to sex which is more physically gratifying (and really gratifying orgasms do help build the 'lovin' feeling")

- make a huge effort to focus on the positive things about your husband - cultivate positive imagery and push negative stuff out of your mind. It's hard for men or women to get excited by a partner they've got some negative feelings/resentment about. At the very least, be careful not to spend a lot of time dwelling on things you don't like.

- be patient - the kid thing is a killer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread demonstrating why monogamous marriage is a horrible idea

An open marriage or swinging is one solution, but it seems that most of the time it winds up being a disaster. So what is the solution? For my marriage, it is all about surprise. Married 15 years and my wife and I try to keep the newness in the relationship by trying new things when least expected. For example, on a Friday I expected to come home and have the kids there. Instead, she sent them to the grandparents for the weekend and was naked in bed waiting for me. Another time, we started with some rope in the house and did things I didn't know where in either one of us.

You gotta the groove by trying....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yet another thread demonstrating why monogamous marriage is a horrible idea

Unfortunately this is soooooooo true. That's why some partners would do better with several long-term relationships instead of a monogamous marriage. It's just human nature for some people to grow bored after a few years. It would avoid a lot of divorces.

An open marriage or swinging is one solution, but it seems that most of the time it winds up being a disaster. So what is the solution? For my marriage, it is all about surprise. Married 15 years and my wife and I try to keep the newness in the relationship by trying new things when least expected. For example, on a Friday I expected to come home and have the kids there. Instead, she sent them to the grandparents for the weekend and was naked in bed waiting for me. Another time, we started with some rope in the house and did things I didn't know where in either one of us.

You gotta the groove by trying....