Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 23:21     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:Why is this your decision? You're still helicoptering. Is this an elective? Does she need it for graduation? Will she have to take a different class? Perhaps next time she'll choose more wisely. I'd let her drop it, but I'd let it be her decision. Back off!



I agree 100%

Not your call, not even sure why she called. Tell her it's her decision but she has to live with consequences which are that you only pay freight for taking class once.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 23:20     Subject: Re:Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:
saying she HAS to drop the course ... I told her no


You are not responsible for he decisions anymore. She shouldn't be getting your permission. Ideally it shouldn't occur to her to ask for your permission.

Her life/her choices/her mistakes. Yes/your money perhaps. You can decide to pay or not, or make her reimburse you, whatever - but that's your role: money. And not much else.
Maybe to listen. If she wants to vent. She may talk to you like a friend. But like a friend, a friend is not going to say, "you can't do xx".


See I had parents like you in college, and it sucked. If her DD is calling home and asking for permission, her DD needs help. Yes, she is adult but it is a tough decision and can have ramifications both financial and education wise. The biggest mistake my parents made was believing that just because I went off to college I had it all figured out no longer need help or guidance. I made that same mistake myself and stopped asking for support. Looking back now, I see my friends who had the biggest support from their parents in college and grad school made it much further and had an easier time. BTW I am almost 50.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 22:39     Subject: Re:Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
saying she HAS to drop the course ... I told her no


You are not responsible for her decisions anymore. She shouldn't be getting your permission. Ideally it shouldn't occur to her to ask for your permission.

Her life/her choices/her mistakes. Yes/your money perhaps. You can decide to pay or not, or make her reimburse you, whatever - but that's your role: money. And not much else.
Maybe to listen. If she wants to vent. She may talk to you like a friend. But like a friend, a friend is not going to say, "you can't do xx".


^ Agree. This is an adult we're taking about.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 22:16     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
If she were my child, i would let her drop the course. I wouldn't want a D on her transcript. She could get a job to pay for the summer class.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 21:44     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:I will condense this, have 2 in college, I have been one of those admittedly helicopter parents who was too hands on, there for every fall. Oh man if I coudl do things differently. My kids are good kids but no fault of their own used to mommy fixing everything.

I have gone back to school and working so there is no longer the luxury of time, which has been a silver lining as its forcing me to "get tough" with both of them plus the 2 at home. I normally hear from them when they A.want money B.are not doing well in a class or calling to tell me how much the teacher hates them (said tongue in cheek)

My D calls yesterday super dramatic about how one of her teachers "has it out for her" and told her she is getting a D (she is an A/B student) and how she can quit her field hockey team if this is how she is going to do in his class. It is not a significant class (along the line of art) but she is struggling. She is no art scholar and its a very in depth course however I know she can do it if she really has to. I know her attitude too which can be somewhat entitled, we have tried teaching her that she sometimes needs to be a politician with teachers, my gut says she rubbed him the wrong way.

So she calls hysterical, in tears saying she HAS to drop the course, today is the last day. I told her no she has to stick it out, thats a lot of moeny and she cannot change classes at this point. Now I know she COULD drop it and the old me is ready to call her and say OK just drop it and it will make everything better but the "new and still in the works me" practically hung up on her a short while ago telling her she needs to figure it out and stick it out no matter what.

I could use some advice here, please no harsh words, I have given myself more than enough trust me, recognizing that I created her seemingly inability to cope when things don't go quite right. So...if this were your child what would you do? How would you handle? Thanks in advance....


So is she actually getting a D for the semester? What exactly did the professor tell her? What were her grades on exams/papers so far?

At this point, no, I wouldn't let her drop. She will need to work hard and pull up the grade. In the end, one D in one non-major related class is not going to tank her whole college career. She can always repeat the class in another semester if need be.

It's a good lesson for her to learn. She needs to evaluate her classes and professors at the beginning of the semester and adjust then during the drop/add period so she can drop one class and pick up another.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 18:56     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem here is that the daughter is using her mother as her academic advisor. The student should have a faculty advisor that will show her how to juggle athletic obligations with her academic schedule.

The second biggest problem is the panic over the GPA. College GPA is not nearly as important as the high school GPA and nobody is going to give a hoot if she gets a C- in her basket-weaving class.


This.


How do you know it's basket weaving? Maybe the DD wants to go to grad school. Your overall GPA sure as hell does matter. No way did I have any C- on my transcript to get into a top law school. That's just reality.

OP said it was an art-like class unrelated to her major.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 18:32     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Duh - quit field hockey!
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 18:24     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem here is that the daughter is using her mother as her academic advisor. The student should have a faculty advisor that will show her how to juggle athletic obligations with her academic schedule.

The second biggest problem is the panic over the GPA. College GPA is not nearly as important as the high school GPA and nobody is going to give a hoot if she gets a C- in her basket-weaving class.


This.


How do you know it's basket weaving? Maybe the DD wants to go to grad school. Your overall GPA sure as hell does matter. No way did I have any C- on my transcript to get into a top law school. That's just reality.

Then the kid needs to quick the hockey team because her grades are suffering.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 18:05     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem here is that the daughter is using her mother as her academic advisor. The student should have a faculty advisor that will show her how to juggle athletic obligations with her academic schedule.

The second biggest problem is the panic over the GPA. College GPA is not nearly as important as the high school GPA and nobody is going to give a hoot if she gets a C- in her basket-weaving class.


This.


How do you know it's basket weaving? Maybe the DD wants to go to grad school. Your overall GPA sure as hell does matter. No way did I have any C- on my transcript to get into a top law school. That's just reality.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 18:02     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:+1. Let her drop the class. If it takes her more than 4 years, then she comes up with the money for any years beyond 4. Where I went to school, kids dropped a class all the time. In fact, I probably dropped one every year. Sometimes I would sign up for an additional class just to see if I liked it, and then drop it if I didn't. As long as you're a full-time student, it doesn't usually cost more to take more classes. A bad grade will do more damage in the long run than a dropped class.


This! OP the worst thing you can do after having been a softie all these years is to just come down like a ton of bricks over the wrong thing. This is the wrong thing. Kids drop classes all the time. It is not a big deal. Call her. Tell her you over reacted. And let her drop it. Your anger is misplaced here.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 17:58     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:Why is this your decision? You're still helicoptering. Is this an elective? Does she need it for graduation? Will she have to take a different class? Perhaps next time she'll choose more wisely. I'd let her drop it, but I'd let it be her decision. Back off!


Agree. Some classes are just harder than expected. I don't even understand why this is an issue as long as she's doing ok in the other classes. It's one class!
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 17:55     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
If she is in a field where her GPA matters that much, she shouldn't be on a team. Chances are, the GPA doesn't matter nearly as much as you think it does.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 17:45     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
I am on the opposite side of the camp, if she can realistically pull off a C or better a B, have her stick with it! The lessons learned in doing that far outweighs taking the easy way out.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 17:40     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
Anonymous wrote:The biggest problem here is that the daughter is using her mother as her academic advisor. The student should have a faculty advisor that will show her how to juggle athletic obligations with her academic schedule.

The second biggest problem is the panic over the GPA. College GPA is not nearly as important as the high school GPA and nobody is going to give a hoot if she gets a C- in her basket-weaving class.


This.
Anonymous
Post 03/26/2015 17:35     Subject: Need some 'tough talk advice" from strict parents!!
+1. Let her drop the class. If it takes her more than 4 years, then she comes up with the money for any years beyond 4. Where I went to school, kids dropped a class all the time. In fact, I probably dropped one every year. Sometimes I would sign up for an additional class just to see if I liked it, and then drop it if I didn't. As long as you're a full-time student, it doesn't usually cost more to take more classes. A bad grade will do more damage in the long run than a dropped class.