Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm similar to you: very averse to nannies after a wildly awful situation with someone who had been thoroughly vetted. My husband and I both work FT with reasonably flexible schedules but we do enough public stuff (testimony, teaching, meetings) that one of us can't always take the hit for snow days etc. We have managed, for the most part, by relying on various forms of group care - day care when they were younger and now aftercare. But we keep a contract with White House Nannies temporary service and use them regularly when we need a pinch hitter in a crisis. It's been a godsend.

I'll also add, that we did have one year with an almost FT nanny - it wasn't planned, and she was a recent college grad rather than a professional nanny. But she did restore our faith in that as an option. So I can say that it might be worthwhile to consider testing that as an option again at some point.

Anonymous wrote:I can understand not wanting a nanny for an infant, but it sounds like your kids are older. We used a great daycare at work that was incredible for five years, but when my oldest started K, we didn't want to manage separate schedules/drop off/pick off etc. so got a nanny. Our youngest was 2. We found the nanny from my neighborhood list-serv and she had worked for friends/neighbors of ours for years and their youngest was starting school so they were transitioning out of having a nanny. My 2 year old and 5 year old tell us everything, plus she doesn't sit at home with them. She is at play dates around the neighborhood with them, at the park, the library for story hour, etc., and so we feel like a lot of the neighborhood moms and other nannies etc. know her well.

Anyway, that's our story and our nanny is part of our family now - we just love her and I think you have to give yourself and your kids credit for having some kind of instinct. There is oversight with a nanny in some ways, for older kids. If you had a bad experience I understand, but honestly, a bad experience can happen at a group childcare situation too, including camps etc. for older kids. Do what you think is best but from reading your post, it sounds like this issue is going to continue coming up.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm like you. No outsourcing childcare except group care. It's my line and I refuse to cross it.

That means that DH's job - 10+ hour days, non-negotiable meetings right and left, travel all the time - is the default wage job and my job is the default take-time-off job. This morning, I was home with DC who was sick. I dropped her off and ran to work at 1300 and will be here until late because I guilted DH into picking up both kids. But that is rare for him.

My career is taking a huge hit because I am the default parent. I know what you are saying and basically - unless you're willing to outsource, it's going to be super hard to lean in. You, DH, and kids cannot have it all ways. That is what I am learning right now...it has taken me 2 years to teach myself this.

We are relocating to DC from another intense city and I don't even know, honestly, if I will look for a job for the 2 years we are there. That's how fed up I am with managing it all. I'd rather just be a good parent and not suck badly at both parenting and work.

Good luck.

OP here. Thanks. Yes, I'm really frustrated with my current job, and looking elsewhere, I don't think I can find anything at my level that is less than FT. Which would be okay. But I don't want to be viewed as the lame new person who has to take a day off every week (which has been nearly the case for the first quarter this year - FCPS here.

I'm seriously tempted to throw in the towel altogether (which DH would support), but I just know that would be the wrong decision for the long run. And, I thought things would get easier as the kids got into school, but now I see that isn't true either.

Anonymous wrote:It sucks. Seriously. But we manage.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm like you. No outsourcing childcare except group care. It's my line and I refuse to cross it.

That means that DH's job - 10+ hour days, non-negotiable meetings right and left, travel all the time - is the default wage job and my job is the default take-time-off job. This morning, I was home with DC who was sick. I dropped her off and ran to work at 1300 and will be here until late because I guilted DH into picking up both kids. But that is rare for him.

My career is taking a huge hit because I am the default parent. I know what you are saying and basically - unless you're willing to outsource, it's going to be super hard to lean in. You, DH, and kids cannot have it all ways. That is what I am learning right now...it has taken me 2 years to teach myself this.

We are relocating to DC from another intense city and I don't even know, honestly, if I will look for a job for the 2 years we are there. That's how fed up I am with managing it all. I'd rather just be a good parent and not suck badly at both parenting and work.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:DC charter poster here. Had no idea about these aftercares in the burbs that stay open during snow days. I had wondered how people's careers survive snow day closures there (seriously). Are these places all off-site or are they providing services at the school? Because if they're at the school, how can they justify closing school but keeping open childcare/