As a woman, toilet time is my private time. I'll literally sit in there and read a few chapters or use the iPad. Why? Because no one bothers me when I'm taking a " poop" still that many hours is excessive. I'll do 30 minutes in the evening on work days to destress

Oh dear, OP. That sounds totally awful. He is using the bathroom as his getaway or something, and that is kind of gross. I don't think it's that abnormal for one spouse to avoid the other by hiding out in an office, basement, etc., but even that is not good for a family relationship and is not nearly as odd as using the bathroom. Have you talked to him about it? Honestly, even if he was checking his phone while sitting in the living room, that would be better than locked away in the bathroom.

And, TMI alert, I get the need for bathroom time. I am a DW who has, shall we say, a slow system despite tons of water/exercise. So, I probably spend a 20 minute session each day sitting on the toilet and even that is uncomfortable! Toilet seats just aren't designed to sit on forever. Maybe I have hit upon a totally passive-aggressive solution - find an incredibly uncomfortable toilet seat or "break" that toilet so there is only one working in the house

Thank you to everyone who provided thoughtful, compassionate responses. I think I've gleaned enough insight from this post and will be continuing the conversation with my husband and a therapist. This was definitely the impetus needed for change. Thank you and goodbye!

Anonymous wrote:This is truly bizarre behavior. A little kid I could understand, they are fascinated by the bathroom but not a grown man. It may be the first time ever I agree with counseling. He's got some deep seated ha ha problems.

My DH's bizarre behavior. He won't shit anywhere but our house and he usually gets naked before he sits on the toilet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he comes out when your daughter asks sometimes, it's because he does not need to be in there!
He's in there to be able to play and read without anyone interfering. He sounds like he prefers his personal space to being around you and your daughter.
I agree that you guys need counseling.

+1 he's avoiding you

Ditto, it's his man cave.

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly bizarre. Does he participate at all in the care of your child or management of your household? Do you ever spend any leisure time together or have a conversation that's not through the bathroom door? Have you ever spoken to him about this and if so, what does he say? I too am wondering if he might have untreated anxiety because this is way out of the realm of normal.

Really, most of the household duties and even, at least half the time, yardwork fall to me. He helps with driving for our child and care of our pet. He also does meals several times a month.

He's never been much of a talker, but it seems as though lately our conversations are mostly just in passing and not really about anything, just communicating information. There are moments where I see his funny, smart self, and I really enjoy that.

He is probably addicted to porn and uses his time alone watching it and masturbating whether you believe so or not.

He needs to get help soon.

Either that, or he is avoiding something in the marriage. Literally.

Maybe you should forward him this thread so he recognizes that his behavior isn't normal or acceptable.

This is incredibly bizarre. Does he participate at all in the care of your child or management of your household? Do you ever spend any leisure time together or have a conversation that's not through the bathroom door? Have you ever spoken to him about this and if so, what does he say? I too am wondering if he might have untreated anxiety because this is way out of the realm of normal.

Anonymous wrote:If he works outside the home, isn't that pretty much every waking moment? Sorry, but he does not like living with you. Maybe you could propose a study/man cave so at least you can use the bathroom.

He does work outside the home, so yes, it is pretty much every waking moment. We do have two bathrooms, so usually I just use the other one. Occasionally, it's occupied, so I just let him know that I need to use it and he either gets out long enough for me to use it and then goes back in or he gets out and goes to sleep.

This is all so bizarre, typing it out. There is no way to deny it when it's in black and white. :/ I agree with your conclusion that he clearly doesn't like living with me.