Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

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Let's cut out the middle man then. Instead of you paying for the wedding and expecting money as a gift why don't you just charge me for my seat(s) at your wedding?

Wedding gifts are not meant to be a cash supplement. They are meant to help a couple start a life/home together. If you are lucky enough to have everything you need then why do you need a gift.
You don't, you just want money which is tacky. End of story. Will many people likely give you money, probably. Should you dictate (or strongly hint) that you want money. Nope.

Generally, the polite thing to do is to have gifts delivered to the address on the invitation either before or after the wedding. It is difficult to transport gifts on the actual day of the wedding.

China settings and silver frames or candlesticks are not shower gifts, they are traditionally considered wedding gifts.

Wedding gifts have meaning and will remind you of the giver for the rest of you life. We have items that were given to us by family and friends who have since passed away: I like being reminded of people I love when I see those things. Cash, a gift card, or a check could never have the same effect.

Anonymous wrote:If you don't like them that much, give a gift card to a chain restaurant.

$20 to Applebee's.

Done.

Anonymous wrote:

I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't.

Both are greedy and tacky if included as part of the invitation.

I can't believe that another PP's reception venue asked that they put this on the invitation. Unbelievable.

THIS.

And the rest of it too.

If you don't like them that much, give a gift card to a chain restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

No one is suggesting that giving money as a gift is tacky.

What is tacky and rude is ASKING for money as a gift.

south asian PP again:

why is "no boxed gifts" more tacky than throwing in a card that says "mark and elaine are registered at macy's and crate and barrel"?

That is tacky too.

ASKING for money, gifts, or anything else on an invitation to a celebratory event is TACKY and RUDE. Why? Because gifts are optional. Gifts are beside the point. The point is to celebrate with family and friends, not to fund raise. If you fund raise in the invitation itself, it suggests that your primary purpose in inviting the guests is gathering money and gifts.

There is nothing wrong with registering for wedding gifts, so that guests who choose to SEEK OUT THE INFORMATION FOR THEMSELVES can choose a gift they know you want. ASKING them to BUY you those gifts, or to GIVE YOU MONEY, is rude and yes, tacky.

Anonymous wrote:do they have a registry that is not listed on the card?

our hotel requested that we write no boxed gifts on the card b/c they said they get stuck with large volumes of presents and can not keep track of them and they would need to be cleared out by midnight - the time our hall was rented until. we didn't put that on the card and i have a recollection of my FIL hustling in and out with gifts towards the end of the evening.

There is no registry; I checked this out informally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

No one is suggesting that giving money as a gift is tacky.

What is tacky and rude is ASKING for money as a gift.

south asian PP again:

why is "no boxed gifts" more tacky than throwing in a card that says "mark and elaine are registered at macy's and crate and barrel"?

BOTH ARE TACKY.

I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't.

Both are greedy and tacky if included as part of the invitation.

I can't believe that another PP's reception venue asked that they put this on the invitation. Unbelievable.

I don't know why people don't get that a registry was intended to help the couple set up a home. It was not to be a gift grab. If you are older and don't need anything then you say no gifts. You invite people to your wedding who you want to be there, not so that it is a quid pro quo in money exchange

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Really? You will never understand why stating you want cash is tacky?

It is tacky to have a registy listed on the invitation.
It is tacky to ask for cash

It is not tacky to be silent on registry or shape of gifts

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

No one is suggesting that giving money as a gift is tacky.

What is tacky and rude is ASKING for money as a gift.

south asian PP again:

why is "no boxed gifts" more tacky than throwing in a card that says "mark and elaine are registered at macy's and crate and barrel"?

OP here: they are South Asian and I work with one of the parents and we do socialize to some extent. The parents are immigrants but their son was born and raised in the US. He is as Americanized as can be which is why the "no boxed gifts" qualification surprised us.

Never had to deal with this situation before. We'd like to attend the wedding - it would seem odd not to attend because of what may be a cultural quirk for all I know.

Is this normal in the South Asian community? It is a large wedding and they are expecting over 500 people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:People don't get married until late 20's and early 30's these days. They neither need nor want a toaster. I will never understand why a registry is acceptable but stating you want cash isn't. We did a registry with about 5 items on it. Most people got the idea, and the dinosaurs gave us some weird gift they decided we should have.

Maybe you should not invite the "dinosaurs" to your fundraising events in the future.

Anonymous wrote:PP again: i'm also south asian and it is quite common to give money as a gift.

registering is sometimes seen as uncouth - b/c it is asking for specific things.

money, however, is considered an appropriate and acceptable gift to a couple to help them start a home.

it's not "tacky"

No one is suggesting that giving money as a gift is tacky.

What is tacky and rude is ASKING for money as a gift.