Lots of us are attracted to other people besides our spouse, but that doesn't mean we act on it - the gender of the affair partner is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I'm thinking I should just let it go... I don't know if my husband would be okay with it, and I wouldn't want to risk our marriage over this. Maybe I'll just keep fantasizing... Or watch some lesbian porn. No harm no foul right?

OP, I'd not bring it up unless you're ready to accept the possibility that it could be a marriage ender. While it's a common male fantasy (wife with another woman) I don't think MOST men would really want it to occur. As a married man I know I'd see no distinction between DW saying she wanted to be with another woman, or another man.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, everyone. I'm thinking I should just let it go... I don't know if my husband would be okay with it, and I wouldn't want to risk our marriage over this. Maybe I'll just keep fantasizing... Or watch some lesbian porn. No harm no foul right?

Maybe he'll watch the lesbian porn with you. I don't think my wife has any interest in a sexual experience with a woman, but she much prefers lesbian porn over porn with men.

Man here,

I wouldn't be hurt if my wife told me about it first. I found out that my ex-wife was viewing lesbian porn sites when they kept auto-populating in the address bar. She denied it. I started checking the internet history and I saw that she was doing it almost every night after I went to bed. I brought it up, but I decided not to push too hard. I knew her well enough to recognize that it was something that she was trying to figure out within herself. The only thing I asked was that she be honest with herself and let me know sooner than later.

A few years went by before we started having problems. I always wondered if her confusion regarding her sexuality was at the heart of it. Finally, I reached out to her former best friend from college. We worked together at one point and had become close during that time. It was late at night after a fight, and I just got tired of wondering. I told her I needed to know if they were together in college or else I was leaving my wife. She told me the whole story.

I confronted my wife with my new information. I told her that I wouldn't have left her had she just been honest. The two of them were friends before developing romantic feelings. Like something out of a movie, they almost acted on it but stopped just shy of it because my ex-wife couldn't accept it within herself. About two weeks later, we met and started dating. She admitted that she never stopped wondering what could have been, and that even though her friend was the only woman she'd ever been sexually attracted to at the time, she had since developed attraction to both men and women. I told her to go find her closure.

She did. I never found out what happened between the two of them. They went out (with my blessing), and I never asked what happened. Our marriage was never the same (she was different). She cheated a few years later, and has since had relationships with both men and women.

Sorry for the book, but my point is that it's better in my mind if you explore sooner than later. Let your partner know, and just be aware that your one-time affair may have unexpected consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

We need a pearl clutcher forum

And a smelling salts forum !

Thanks, everyone. I'm thinking I should just let it go... I don't know if my husband would be okay with it, and I wouldn't want to risk our marriage over this. Maybe I'll just keep fantasizing... Or watch some lesbian porn. No harm no foul right?

I don't think I'd upset if my DW brought this up.

Just don't be surprised if he OKs this, but down the road wants to fool around, too.

OP, I've done this, but cleared it with my husband first. I'd had fantasies about women for a long time, and there was a friend to whom I was attracted (she was also married). My husband knew she and I were close, and he'd tease me about being attracted to her. When we were discussing a trip I was planning to take with her and some other friends, I asked him how he'd feel if something happened between her and I - and he told me he'd be fine with it. So, I did, on that trip and then again a few months later. After the second time my husband asked me some questions about it, and decided he actually wasn't as ok with it as he thought he would be. So, that was the end of my sexual relationship with her (though we remain friends).

My husband and I aren't prudish, but we're definitely not an anything-goes kind of couple either. I think the idea of me having sex with another woman just didn't feel threatening to my husband, because he and I both knew what it was - experimentation for fun - and that I wasn't going anywhere.

So, I guess my perspective would be: talk to your husband about it, tell him what you want and why, and see how he reacts. I think that's a much better approach than sneaking around, especially given what you described.

For what it's worth, my experimentation with my friend was a lot of fun, but it definitely confirmed for me that I am primarily attracted to men. The newness of it all was exciting and interesting, but I never felt the same intense arousal with her that I've felt with men. It was different. In that since especially I'm glad that I had the chance to try it... now I can think of women as attractive and potentially interesting sexual partners, but not realy wonder what I'm missing or crave trying it out the way I did before.

Anonymous wrote:But why is it bad? Craving sex with a woman ? Why?

Agreed. Its a sexual preference, not a crime.

Anonymous wrote:I'm craving some delicious chocolate cake right now. But I'm not going to eat it- why? Because there will be bad consequences. Just because there is a craving doesn't mean you have to satisfy it. Maybe OP should take the same approach.

This metaphor is a mess.

But why is it bad? Craving sex with a woman ? Why?

I'm craving some delicious chocolate cake right now. But I'm not going to eat it- why? Because there will be bad consequences. Just because there is a craving doesn't mean you have to satisfy it. Maybe OP should take the same approach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We need a pearl clutcher forum

What's that?

Probably another freaky sex thing.

"Pearl Clenching" means you are uptight and conservative. It gives the image of a prissy woman horrified by something atypical....thus standing by and "clutching her pearl necklace." It is imagery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wants booty sex with another man. I'm not jealous or uptight but I would like some pearls to clutch.

What is this pearl clutching stuff? I'm totally not getting what that means.

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