Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Right. Blame the victim. Men don't get emotionally abused. Everyone knows that.

Anonymous wrote:Just because he wants to leave doesn't mean she will let him.

+1000 The wife will make him suffer.

OP sounds like a big troll to me.

Just because he wants to leave doesn't mean she will let him.

I would tell her.

Anonymous wrote:It's entirely possible that this guy is charming in public but an ass in private with her. I once dated a guy who would, say, fight with me in the car on the way to a party to the extent I'd be close to tears, and then go into the party in a great mood. Meanwhile I'd be on edge and looked like the depressed screwed up one bc I couldn't just shrug off his hostility, which no one else saw.

Yep. There may be two victims in this situation.

The giant mistake people are making here is that silence will "protect" the BIL. Why? He wants a divorce, and might just as well be open about it, since he's gainfully employed and can defend his financial and other interests.
Some PPs are treating this issue as if BIL was a physically abused child.
Despite the unequal relationship OP has described witnessing, you don't know how they are in private.
It's best that everything be out in the open.

He said this to her family? And this is a question?

Tell her

These are the things I'd take into consideration:

1. She is your sister, so your loyalty belongs to her first simply because she's your sister. (Tell)
2. Most people would assume#1, so your BIL probably also (or should) assume the same and expects you to tell. (Tell)
3. He also didn't explicitly ask you to keep his comments from your sister. (Tell)

The above considerations should be overridden if he's actually being abused. It's hard to tell from your post. You might want to familiarize yourself with what constitutes verbal abuse and with abuse of men by their female partners. If you think he's really being victimized, your first moral obligation is to protect him. (Don't tell.) If he just has the misfortune to be married to a bitchy woman who embarrasses him in public, then only consider #1-3. (Tell).

Anonymous wrote:
I can't believe PPs who told OP to mind her own business and not tell her own sister.

You tell your sister calmly and matter of factly what her husband said. In private.

Perhaps she already knows. Perhaps she knows he's crazy, or liable to say things while drunk. Perhaps she already has a plan. Perhaps she's going to be surprised and hate you (temporarily).

But your duty is to tell her. None of this was in confidence, and if it was, his confidence is seriously misplaced.

The guy is being ABUSED. If the genders were reversed you'd be calling for his testicles.

Anonymous wrote:If you tell her she will not only tell your BIL, make his life more of a living hell, they will both blame you for telling. Not to be mean but the poor man deserves better than your sister. Let her get the full on justice she deserves. Let him be the one to tell her he's leaving.

I hate women that bully their husbands and do it in public. My sister did that to her second husband. I'm proud to say I had a hand in their divorce.

hope she didn't marry again.

Sounds like your sister is getting what she deserves. No matter what you do or say her life is going to be in shambles and she deserves all the misery she gets.

Hope this guy trades up for hotter, younger, and nicer.

She's your sister, of course you tell her. I would have told him he was an ass and called her up on the spot. Why the hell would he be talking to you about it?

Tell her. No question.