Anonymous wrote:OP. Thanks for the advice. He is a good person he just has some anger and anxiety issues that he says the pot helps with. I really can't just throw away 10 years. We've been through so much. I stayed with him through jail time and cheating. I think we are stronger for it but obviously there will always be trust issues. I just know he's capable of doing so much more with his life and if he were able to get a good night's sleep maybe he'd be able to focus better during the day. I guess right now the thing that's getting on my nerves the most is the food issue because it affects my day when I'm trying to get ready for work, etc. He was recently referred to a psychiatrist but would rather just try and get sleeping pills from the regular doctor rather than talk to a shrink. And I don't think he's bulimic because he's loud when he throws up, he just has a really fast metabolism.

Ok now you have revealed your trollish self.

OP. Thanks for the advice. He is a good person he just has some anger and anxiety issues that he says the pot helps with. I really can't just throw away 10 years. We've been through so much. I stayed with him through jail time and cheating. I think we are stronger for it but obviously there will always be trust issues. I just know he's capable of doing so much more with his life and if he were able to get a good night's sleep maybe he'd be able to focus better during the day. I guess right now the thing that's getting on my nerves the most is the food issue because it affects my day when I'm trying to get ready for work, etc. He was recently referred to a psychiatrist but would rather just try and get sleeping pills from the regular doctor rather than talk to a shrink. And I don't think he's bulimic because he's loud when he throws up, he just has a really fast metabolism.

...and he's definitely sleeping at some point, probably exactly you think he's working.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you both aren't eating dinner together? Or sleeping together? Because he's too busy up eating. Huge issues.

Why isn't he sleeping?

He doesn't eat during the day because he doesn't have a car and works from home and can't go anywhere. When we grocery shop he buys himself mostly junk no matter what I say. Then he skips dinner because he doesn't want to eat at the table with my mom because they don't get along. I don't know why he doesn't sleep at night or how to fix it. He tries unisom etc but they don't help him at all.

I don't understand? He's home not driving anywhere at night too but eats then?

It does sound very much like a binge purge cycle. And the issues with your mom are something else to address.

DH has a binge eating disorder and weighs 500lbs. He will literally eat everything he sees. He is otherwise a successful person and father. I think you can get your DH help but only if he wants it. Please do not have a child. It wouldn't be fair.

You posted this OP not looking for a fix for your problem but looking for commiseration. No, my husband does not smoke weed, stay up all night eating all the food in the house. Sneaky eating ? Not hardly. Since my husband buys all the food, he doesn't need to sneak around to eat it.

You have a greedy sneaky dope smoking husband that has his days and nights mixed up and using your mother as an excuse to explain his behavior.

To even suggest you buy a house and have kids with him knowing all this says a lot about you. Both of you are very immature.

You need to sit down and seriously think this marriage out. Since you won't divorce, maybe you need to forget the house and kids because this situation will only get worse as time goes on.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like your husband has an eating disorder. He sounds very much like me when I had bulimia. The fact that he can't control himself when he knows you want/need a particular food the next day is telling. So is the fact that he gets into the wrapped candy that you intended as a gift. Red flags.

Another bulimic here. Totally agree.

Btw, it doesnt necessarily have to be bulimia. Binge eating disorder is real and can be just as hard to control. He could have that. When someone absolutely cannot control themselves around food, they have an eating disorder.

He sounds very seriously troubled. Perhaps you've been living inside this situation so long you just don't see how massively dysfunctional it is.

You're focusing on the wrong things. It's like saying, "my DH is shooting heroin all day and doesn't help with the housework. How do I get him to pitch in? The house is a mess", or "DH is out all night, every night - how can I get him to do some night feedings with the baby?"...

You have way bigger issues than DH eating your food.

Anonymous wrote: I'm working really hard to get us our own house so we can have a family and a normal life but lately I just feel more like a mother than a wife like I have no partner.

It seems like you have two options: 1. Stay married to him and accept the fact that he IS your child, not your partner. (And forget about having children with him, as that would be crazy and cruel to them.) 2. Give him an ultimatum to get some help, and move on with your life if he doesn't become a true partner.

OP I think you could get the marriage annulled. Especially if he doesn't want children.

OP, you say you don't believe in divorce, but it also doesn't sound like your husband believes in your marriage.

He needs to stop smoking pot, it only exasperates all these other issues. About 5 years ago now my DH was a regular pot smoker and he would only eat at night after he smoked. He had no motivation because of the pot smoking and was very moody when he wasn't smoking it. I finally had enough and after I got a new job told him I was moving to a different city in three months. I told him he could either come with me or not, but if he came with me he had to stop smoking pot. It was the motivation he needed and he stopped smoking immediately. After that his eating normalized and he was much more level-headed. He quit his crappy part time job and found a great job in the city we were moving to. Five years later we have bought a house and couldn't be happier.

Sounds like a real winner. Why did you marry him?

Op if you think bringing a baby into this mess is a good idea, you need as much help as your husband does.

OP, please get yourself some counseling immediately, and do NOT bring a baby into this situation. Things will not improve; they will be 100 times worse, I promise you. The food is not the issue here; it's the way he's self-medicating and is just one indication of a much larger problem.