Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 07:24     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait, your mother is 56 and you and your sister are "40ish."
So your mom was 14 when she had you? Is that correct?


She was 15 when she had my sister.

She's had 40 years to come to terms with it, but still blames us for ruining her life.


Yeah, this explains a lot. Your mother is emotionally stunted. No one at 15 is ready to be a mother of one child. Then she had another. She never got to finish her own development.

I'm sorry OP. You and your sister need to protect yourselves from her toxicity. Move on.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 07:18     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Do you think you are responsible for her?

If yes, why?

Do you and your sister think you ruined her life?

Did you make her get pregnant?
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2015 07:16     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:Buying my mother out is an option that I would be willing to help fund. None of this really resolves the issue of my mother being unwilling to support herself. When she's denied the support she thinks she's entitled to, it will be a huge dramatic ordeal that will likely involve the police.



Then you have to let this happen. It sounds like you and your siblings never had the parents you deserved and it can't be healthy in any way to continue dealing with this woman. She doesn't sound like any kind of a mother. Grieve the mom you never had and let this person who doesn't care about any of you go.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 20:47     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:Buying my mother out is an option that I would be willing to help fund. None of this really resolves the issue of my mother being unwilling to support herself. When she's denied the support she thinks she's entitled to, it will be a huge dramatic ordeal that will likely involve the

police.


You do not have to support your mother. You need to get out, get your sister and family out. Get yourselves to a therapist to help you get un-entangled with your mother. You obviously need emotional support to get rid of your mother. After you have no contact with her, she will figure out what to do or live on the street. You may need to call the police, but you will need a therapist to help you through this ordeal.

You probably also need a real estate lawyer to help your sister with whatever is to become of the house. You do not need to support your mother.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 12:18     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Your mother cant kick your sister out because her name is on the deed, but your sister also so cant kick your mother out for the same reason. If your mom doesnt live there,, then problem solved. Since your sister is not on the loan, she can keep paying it, but it is not helping her credit.

How upside down is the house, because the HARP refi program will allow you to refinance even if it is upside down up to 125% LTV.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 11:35     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:Neither of them can kick the other out if they are both on the deed. Your mother is a legal owner of the house. So, your sister either gets her name off the deed and moves out and leaves your mother to it, or she sucks it up and keeps paying the mortgage. But if she wants the house more than she wants to have a normal life, that's her call. She can't have both. Your mother sounds like a pain, but the two of you have some serious issues to work through as well.


+1

The only solution is for your sister to get far, far away. She should consider those 7 years of payments rent.

Otherwise, she is exposing her children to this crazy person. NOT HEALTHY.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 10:24     Subject: Re:Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:Your mother sounds like she could be mentally ill.


She's been evaluated before. I think it's a personality disorder.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 10:22     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Buying my mother out is an option that I would be willing to help fund. None of this really resolves the issue of my mother being unwilling to support herself. When she's denied the support she thinks she's entitled to, it will be a huge dramatic ordeal that will likely involve the police.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 10:19     Subject: Re:Mother refuses to support herself
Your mother sounds like she could be mentally ill.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 09:52     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Neither of them can kick the other out if they are both on the deed. Your mother is a legal owner of the house. So, your sister either gets her name off the deed and moves out and leaves your mother to it, or she sucks it up and keeps paying the mortgage. But if she wants the house more than she wants to have a normal life, that's her call. She can't have both. Your mother sounds like a pain, but the two of you have some serious issues to work through as well.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 09:24     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
I understand wanting to help family, but your mom is an ingrate. Dump her.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 07:57     Subject: Re:Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:OP, your family is dysfunctional and you and your sister sound dysfunctional, too. Why else would your sister expect to somehow get your mother's house?

So what that she paid what amounts to rent for 7 years? She needs to GET OUT. She and you need to stop being selfish and seeing those 7 years as a guarantee of some sort of payoff -- they aren't. She needs to get out and get her family away from your mom and cut ties. Those 7 years of payment were just rent. Get her name off the deed, move away, stop communicating.

To do otherwise is to continue to have your mother in her life and to continue to feed her crazy. She should have never agreed to move in to that house (my guess is it benefitted your sister and it wasn't an altruistic act anyway).


I'm not sure why you're being accusatory. You should just give it another read through if that's your take on it.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 06:52     Subject: Re:Mother refuses to support herself
OP, your family is dysfunctional and you and your sister sound dysfunctional, too. Why else would your sister expect to somehow get your mother's house?

So what that she paid what amounts to rent for 7 years? She needs to GET OUT. She and you need to stop being selfish and seeing those 7 years as a guarantee of some sort of payoff -- they aren't. She needs to get out and get her family away from your mom and cut ties. Those 7 years of payment were just rent. Get her name off the deed, move away, stop communicating.

To do otherwise is to continue to have your mother in her life and to continue to feed her crazy. She should have never agreed to move in to that house (my guess is it benefitted your sister and it wasn't an altruistic act anyway).
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 06:47     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry this is happening to your family, OP. Is there any way you could get your mother into some family therapy? Would you all participate?

These things have a nasty way of inadvertently getting passed on though the generations, although it may look differently.


No, I would never agree to go to family therapy with her. I can guarantee it would be treated as her personal platform for verbal abuse. She has been to therapy, but still lacks the ability to empathize.
Anonymous
Post 02/25/2015 06:44     Subject: Mother refuses to support herself
Anonymous wrote:Wait, your mother is 56 and you and your sister are "40ish."
So your mom was 14 when she had you? Is that correct?


She was 15 when she had my sister.

She's had 40 years to come to terms with it, but still blames us for ruining her life.