OP, I was (am) in your shoes having lost my father a few years ago. I went into this spiral of questioning the purpose of life itself. It truly was hard for me to pull myself up and be productive. What helped me was mindfulness and meditation. Pay attention and enjoy the small things ..sunshine, cup of coffee, music. Keep exercising to whatever degree you can. Pay attention to what you are eating - more whole stuff, greens and nuts in particular. Meditation is key. For me it is a way of surrendering. I feel connected to my father when I meditate and have learned to make peace with the fact that he is gone. Love and hugs to you

I feel almost exactly like you, OP. I am sorry and if you find something, please write back. I lost my Dad 3 years ago and miss him. But as much as the missing him is this feeling that the best days of my life are over. I just feel so old and tear up thinking about the days that I was running around as a teenager with Mom, Dad and the comfort of family. So much happiness. My kids are awesome, husband okay, and Mom still a big part of my life. I have well paying job and no major health issues. Life should be great, right? But ever since Dad died, I just feel depressed that I cannot go back in time. Never felt down in my life before this major funk and I cannot get out of it. Just look forward to going to bed every night.....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling the same way, OP. My mom died 10 years ago when I was a couple years out of college. She missed my wedding and the birth of my two boys. I miss her all the time and am so sad that my kids will never meet her. I told my 3 year old that I missed her a lot and I started crying in the car. The rest of the day he kept asking, "do you still miss her?" God, yes. I know she would have been an amazing grandma.

I'm sorry you are in such pain, but don't make your grief a burden to your child. Get some help, seek therapy. This is not normal.

This is normal, and I could have written your post, PP, almost word for word. I get choked up when I talk about my mom to my children because:
1) she is missing out on them, and
2) they are missing out on her, and
3) I am missing her

There is nothing abnormal about how you feel, PP.

I could have written this post. My mom died last year and that coupled with a shitastic previous couple of years filled with miscarriages and divorce just took everything out of me and I considered committing suicide. A friend who lives far away somehow sensed the level of despondency I was at in an IM exchange and talked me through that night and checked on me every day until and I got to my doc who changed my meds I was already taking and upped my dosage and now I am finally feeling like I can breathe. I still cry about my mom, am crying and missing her right now, and I miss her the most when my dad who has always wanted us to have the kind of daily contact chit chatty confidante relationship my mom and I had, responds to something in a way my mom never would. I know he is trying and I do appreciate it, but it's not the same.

Anonymous wrote:My mom died 4 weeks ago and the pain of her loss is so strong. I'm such a strange mixture of emotion...sad, angry, depressed, nostalgic. It's just exhausting. It feels good to know that I'm not alone.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom died 10 years ago and I still cry sometimes and have moments where it seems like too much to bear. But these moments pass. The first year is so hard and I feel for you. PLEASE ignore the trolls that tell you that you need to get over it!!! Grief is the price of love and you never get over it. You just find a way to live with the loss and keep her memory in your life in a way that gives you comfort. The grief evolves and changes from year to year. For the first little while, though, you will be in survival mode. That is okay. I also grieve in a different way than my sister does. That is okay, too.

Check out Hope Edelman's book "Motherless Mothers" when you feel up to it. It was helpful to me.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get your shot together.