Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Nobody is doing that. It's money that's causing tension in the marriage. That's why its the focal point. He deserves technology but his wife also deserves security.

If he dies, his wife gets
$1 million +
$750k +
$40k

That's not enough? I'm no mathematician, but that's enough to buy a near-six figure annuity. That's not enough? Do they live in Beverly Hills?

Why is there so much focus on his SAH wife when he is the one suffering, especially when they are quite well-off? Can you imagine a stay at home dad hassling his cancer-ridden wife, who works and makes all the money, over buying a MacBook every couple of years? I think most DCUMers would be outraged.

I feel that there is a double-standard at play here.

Because, obviously, a million is not enough. She has to put up with his cancer-ass and tech toys. She deserves far more.

Anonymous wrote:
OP,

If you are still reading, my husband is a scientist, technology expert for his workplace, sole wage-earner and very much into technology - he spends a lot of time on tech forums and is the most knowledgeable person about any gadget you care to mention.

***But he doesn't own any.***

We have one flip phone, and DH's computers from work, which he borrowed to work from home (they're rejects from his lab).

Do you know what we do own? Apple stock DH bought when it was worthless. Now that's a much better use of tech knowledge, don't you think?

So just because your lifespan will unfairly be fore-shortened by cancer and heart disease, if I were your wife, I would let you buy your little toys. Out of love.

However quite honestly, you should rein it in and find cheaper sources of recreation.

Wow. A woman here saying she's happy her husband made her money and doesn't give a crap if he ever has "toys." I can't believe I'm reading that in DCUM.

Anonymous wrote:If you were my husband I wouldn't care. I'd actually give up my excess spending to make sure you were happy. I mean dang, you sound like a good husband. The ones here don't understand that because they don't have good husbands, but I do.

And I do everything I can to make him feel appreciated because like you, he doesn't lie, cheat, steal, drink, do drugs, go running around where he shouldn't be, doing things he shouldn't do, is just one hell of a great person ... he works hard to make sure we live well.

Your wife is being selfish.

+1 but for different reasons. If my spouse only had a few years left to live I would do everything I could to make them as comfortable and happy as I could.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Nobody is doing that. It's money that's causing tension in the marriage. That's why its the focal point. He deserves technology but his wife also deserves security.

If he dies, his wife gets
$1 million +
$750k +
$40k

That's not enough? I'm no mathematician, but that's enough to buy a near-six figure annuity. That's not enough? Do they live in Beverly Hills?

Why is there so much focus on his SAH wife when he is the one suffering, especially when they are quite well-off? Can you imagine a stay at home dad hassling his cancer-ridden wife, who works and makes all the money, over buying a MacBook every couple of years? I think most DCUMers would be outraged.

I feel that there is a double-standard at play here.

Anonymous wrote:If you were my husband I wouldn't care. I'd actually give up my excess spending to make sure you were happy. I mean dang, you sound like a good husband. The ones here don't understand that because they don't have good husbands, but I do.

And I do everything I can to make him feel appreciated because like you, he doesn't lie, cheat, steal, drink, do drugs, go running around where he shouldn't be, doing things he shouldn't do, is just one hell of a great person ... he works hard to make sure we live well.

Your wife is being selfish.

I'm one who says the guy should get his tech toys, but it's easy to see why his wife is worried. I don't think she's selfish. I think she's in a vulnerable position. She stays at home and has no income herself. It may be difficult for her to get a well-paying job if necessary. OP has a lot of cash saved for retirement, far more than most Americans, but the general rule of thumb is 8 times your salary. So that would be $1.3 million in his case. He's a little short. But I don't know how old his wife is. A million dollar life insurance policy would cover his salary (post tax) for about 8 years. Fine if his wife is 55 or so. So, to me, it makes sense that she's worried about money. She won't be poor, but she may not be able to maintain her standard of living, get their daughter through college, etc.

That's why I think it's worth seeing a financial planner to make his wife feel better about their financial situation.

If you were my husband I wouldn't care. I'd actually give up my excess spending to make sure you were happy. I mean dang, you sound like a good husband. The ones here don't understand that because they don't have good husbands, but I do.

And I do everything I can to make him feel appreciated because like you, he doesn't lie, cheat, steal, drink, do drugs, go running around where he shouldn't be, doing things he shouldn't do, is just one hell of a great person ... he works hard to make sure we live well.

Your wife is being selfish.

Man OP I am seriously on your side. You are seeing that if you live, you are on track with your finances. And if you die, there is $1million in insurance. So in that scenario your gadget spending is not even a drop in the bucket. you are right. hell yes you deserve to have and enjoy these items.

But being right is not getting you what you need. I suspect you don't want to do a financial planner because there's an element of annoyance that your wife doesn't trust your calculations or the steps you've taken to ensure she is provided for. And if you're like me, you think most of that industry is full of shit. But still, your wife isn't understanding what you think you do about the financial picture. Her fear of losing YOU may also be getting a little displaced onto fear/anxiety of surviving without you -- probably exacerbated by her role as SAHM while you've been breadwinner.

So via financial planner or some other way, help solve her problem, and you will be able to enjoy your gadgets again. I suspect it will be easier said than done, because both your larger emotions about the cancer seem to be funneling in here. but open yourself up, cross the bridge, and work with her. Then get back to enjoying your wife, your things, and the time you have left -- whether or not it's cancer that ends the clock.

by the way, by the same reasoning your wife's personal care spending is not actually an issue, either. you can afford it. so that's one more reason to leave that out of this discussion (along with the many other reasons stated).

Sorry about the cancer man. I'm sure she's worried she's going to lose you. Agree to see the fp in exchange for her seeing the counselor.

At the very least, get on a budget and give each of you a monthly allowance. Spend that on whatever you want. Dont try to make her hair cut/color part of her allowance lol. (And if she gets a brazilian exempt that as well or take it out of yours )

OP,

If you are still reading, my husband is a scientist, technology expert for his workplace, sole wage-earner and very much into technology - he spends a lot of time on tech forums and is the most knowledgeable person about any gadget you care to mention.

***But he doesn't own any.***

We have one flip phone, and DH's computers from work, which he borrowed to work from home (they're rejects from his lab).

Do you know what we do own? Apple stock DH bought when it was worthless. Now that's a much better use of tech knowledge, don't you think?

So just because your lifespan will unfairly be fore-shortened by cancer and heart disease, if I were your wife, I would let you buy your little toys. Out of love.

However quite honestly, you should rein it in and find cheaper sources of recreation.

Anonymous wrote:It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Nobody is doing that. It's money that's causing tension in the marriage. That's why its the focal point. He deserves technology but his wife also deserves security.

It's a little disheartening to see the OP being regarded as essentially a mule whose purpose is to make money. Too bad about your cancer OP. Don't spend too much making yourself happy, because the Ladies of DCUM have no pity. As if cancer doesn't suck enough, OP can't spend $3k on himself per year, and enjoy his relatively, modest, nerdy hobbies, even though he has a 1 million dollar policy and 750k in savings.

Anonymous wrote:I meant 40K out of retirement; 750K in retirement....

As for the laptop upgrade, I was going to have to buy my daughter a laptop, but when I looked at things, I realized that it made more sense to give her my own 2 yo mac book air (I needed more memory for some stuff I am doing).

$40K out is not a lot of savings. If you have a few major repairs a good chunk of that is gone. For one upgrade, that is understandable, but then it is far cheaper to buy new memory than upgrade every two years. You have a wife and kids. You have health issues. You need far more reserves than that out of retirement.

I meant 40K out of retirement; 750K in retirement....

As for the laptop upgrade, I was going to have to buy my daughter a laptop, but when I looked at things, I realized that it made more sense to give her my own 2 yo mac book air (I needed more memory for some stuff I am doing).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much savings outside of retirement do you have? It sounds like you handle the money on your own. Is your wife engaged in your finances at all?

Honestly, if I were her, I'd be pretty peeved about my spouse spending $1k on a new laptop and somehow saying it's ok, because I color my hair once a month. Frankly, I'd be tempted to bang him over the head with said laptop and tell him to be grateful it wasn't a frying pan.

I really think you guys could benefit from doing a Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace University" course together. He does have a religous element in his coursework, but I think it's easy enough to ignore that part if it doesn't speak to you and I think it would really be beneficial for you both to go through it.

about 40K in retirement. And I do not buy a new laptop and tablet every year, rather every other year . (2010, 2012 2014 for the laptop; 2011, 2013, 2015 for the tablet).

That seems excessive. Retirement is pretty low. I would be pissed too. I can understand upgrading your existing laptop, which my husband has done but to get a new table or laptop given your income seems a bit much. Try buying your wife some gifts instead.

Anonymous wrote:How much savings outside of retirement do you have? It sounds like you handle the money on your own. Is your wife engaged in your finances at all?

Honestly, if I were her, I'd be pretty peeved about my spouse spending $1k on a new laptop and somehow saying it's ok, because I color my hair once a month. Frankly, I'd be tempted to bang him over the head with said laptop and tell him to be grateful it wasn't a frying pan.

I really think you guys could benefit from doing a Dave Ramsey "Financial Peace University" course together. He does have a religous element in his coursework, but I think it's easy enough to ignore that part if it doesn't speak to you and I think it would really be beneficial for you both to go through it.

about 40K in retirement. And I do not buy a new laptop and tablet every year, rather every other year . (2010, 2012 2014 for the laptop; 2011, 2013, 2015 for the tablet).