Hi this is op just tuned in after a few days. This thread got...a little intense? Anyway to answer the questions she moved out of state w the kids bc she got a much better job. We've made a few overtures to resettle but she's indicated she may move again for a promotion to Arizona (and moved them once in the current stage they live in). I have a good relationship with all of them. Taking baby to see my parents next month and I bought them plane tickets as well, hopefully will be fun. I know DH has one on one time planned for them then. Our family situation is not ideal. Divorce is not ideal and I also feel bad for them growing up with so little of dad in their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three stepkids (two teens and a tween). They live in another city and we only see them summers and Xmas. We just had a new baby. Birth mom vetoed them visiting us over Presidents Day weekend when their grandparents came to see us and meet the new baby. We won't see them until summer. How can I make them feel special and let them know I miss them and am really excited for them to get to know baby.

I would NEVER marry a man who only sees his kids summers and Christmas. And I would never ever ever have a baby with him. Buyer beware.

I did. My husband's ex was a nightmare (not to me). He is/was a great dad and it has worked out really well for me. No regrets.

I'm curious how it happened that the father ended up so far away from his children that he can only see them 2x a year? Did he move away? Or did she? Did she ask the court? Did he give permission? Does he travel to see them at other times of the year in their hometown beside seeing them at Xmas and summers?

Why do you not consider taking the baby to see the step-kids in their hometown on a long weekend?

I think I was flying with my newborn by the time she was 6 weeks. It's actually rather easy at that age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three stepkids (two teens and a tween). They live in another city and we only see them summers and Xmas. We just had a new baby. Birth mom vetoed them visiting us over Presidents Day weekend when their grandparents came to see us and meet the new baby. We won't see them until summer. How can I make them feel special and let them know I miss them and am really excited for them to get to know baby.

I would NEVER marry a man who only sees his kids summers and Christmas. And I would never ever ever have a baby with him. Buyer beware.

I did. My husband's ex was a nightmare (not to me). He is/was a great dad and it has worked out really well for me. No regrets.

You married a man who only sees his kids a few times a year? I wouldn't be too proud of that. I would be ashamed and hiding that fact because that is not acceptable in society. Good luck to you, you'll need it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three stepkids (two teens and a tween). They live in another city and we only see them summers and Xmas. We just had a new baby. Birth mom vetoed them visiting us over Presidents Day weekend when their grandparents came to see us and meet the new baby. We won't see them until summer. How can I make them feel special and let them know I miss them and am really excited for them to get to know baby.

I would NEVER marry a man who only sees his kids summers and Christmas. And I would never ever ever have a baby with him. Buyer beware.

I did. My husband's ex was a nightmare (not to me). He is/was a great dad and it has worked out really well for me. No regrets.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

Fuck off. Kids don't get to dictate their parents' sex lives and relationship statuses. If these kids can't welcome OP and the new little one, they're the ones with the problem, not her. A new sibling is a gift and they need to see that.

Of course. Why should the parents who are adults be beholden to their kids who are really rather powerless. After all when they grow up they will have all the power!

If, in the context of a first marriage, the couple's first child expresses a strong desire for their parents NOT to have another baby, should the parents comply? If not, why should it be any different for second marriages?

Yes, and it should.

That's absurd. You have no idea what you're talking about. Kids don't get to control their parents' reproductive choices.

Anonymous wrote:I have three stepkids (two teens and a tween). They live in another city and we only see them summers and Xmas. We just had a new baby. Birth mom vetoed them visiting us over Presidents Day weekend when their grandparents came to see us and meet the new baby. We won't see them until summer. How can I make them feel special and let them know I miss them and am really excited for them to get to know baby.

I would NEVER marry a man who only sees his kids summers and Christmas. And I would never ever ever have a baby with him. Buyer beware.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

Fuck off. Kids don't get to dictate their parents' sex lives and relationship statuses. If these kids can't welcome OP and the new little one, they're the ones with the problem, not her. A new sibling is a gift and they need to see that.

Of course. Why should the parents who are adults be beholden to their kids who are really rather powerless. After all when they grow up they will have all the power!

If, in the context of a first marriage, the couple's first child expresses a strong desire for their parents NOT to have another baby, should the parents comply? If not, why should it be any different for second marriages?

Yes, and it should.

Anonymous wrote:+1. OP, it's nice that you care. Expect that this may be a bumpy ride. The baby really does mean their dad has less time and energy for them. It may be very difficult for them to see their dad doting on another child when they have very little dad in their lives. So don't expect them to be super happy or even care about the baby much at all. If they are neutral, that is a win.

Be sure not to make the visit all about the baby. If this is your first, it will be hard to understand that not everyone is as over-the-moon as you are. Plan activities that are of interest to them, and focus on knowing them as individuals, not just in their capacity as siblings.

If that's true, then their father is a complete asshole.

Men should not be starting second families like this. I feel so sorry for his older kids. How old is this guy anyway? How much older is he than his second wife?

What a mess you have, OP.

Anonymous wrote:I admire what you are trying to do OP. Hopefully your step kids and their bio mom aren't like some of the bitter bitches in this thread. I'm sure your efforts will be appreciated!

Even if they are not appreciated (some of the responses from first wives seem to hint at some of the reasons why stepmoms have it rough!!!), I still laud OP for doing the right thing and making efforts to do right.

I admire what you are trying to do OP. Hopefully your step kids and their bio mom aren't like some of the bitter bitches in this thread. I'm sure your efforts will be appreciated!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give them back their dad

You are an ASSHOLE.

Nope. This is what these kids want. Parents who get fivorcef should not remarry and have more kids. You owe something to your children.

Fuck off. Kids don't get to dictate their parents' sex lives and relationship statuses. If these kids can't welcome OP and the new little one, they're the ones with the problem, not her. A new sibling is a gift and they need to see that.

Of course. Why should the parents who are adults be beholden to their kids who are really rather powerless. After all when they grow up they will have all the power!

If, in the context of a first marriage, the couple's first child expresses a strong desire for their parents NOT to have another baby, should the parents comply? If not, why should it be any different for second marriages?